Dude's Must See Products for March 2020
The recurring theme in Dude's must see products for March 2020 will come as no surprise. The whole damn month was all about Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.
Wait. I mean, COVID, COVID, COVID.
Poor Jan. Wait, I mean, poor normal, happy life.
Still, there were some virus-free bright spots in the March roundup, such as a super sweet physics toy and some crotch-hugging boxer briefs...wherein your favorite lady is doing the crotch-hugging. March 2020 also saw a huge uptick in cases of What Is This Thing?
Enjoy the review of Dude's must see products for March 2020.
E37: What Is This Thing?
What is What Is This Thing? It's one simple photo - see above - meets one simple question: what is this thing? Here are 3 hints to help get you Hmmm-ing and How 'bout-ing: 1) They come as a set, and are most effectively used as a set; 2) Only the person not using them is gonna like using them; 3) If you've never been in a catfight, a new experience just might be coming your way!
Pure White Hell Jigsaw Puzzle
Despite its angelic hue, I think Satan would indeed be a proud papa to this 1,000-piece beast, the nature of which is clearly purely demonic. Facing the jigsaw looks like a fate equal to facing Jigsaw John Kramer himself, and it's one reason I did not include the Pure White Hell Jigsaw Puzzle in my list of the best jigsaw puzzles to do when you're stuck at home. Who needs a pastime that's going to drive them even more insane than quarantines, layoffs, and homeschooling their children right now?
20 Items I Bought on Amazon & Would Buy 100 Times Again
When I say I would buy these 20 items I bought on Amazon 100 times again, I don't mean I would order 100 more of them right now. Even as a hoarder with Amazon Prime shipping, I don't need 101 of any of the products in this list.
Well...maybe the Tirecockz to keep revenge-ready in my glove box, but...other than that just one of everything is just fine.
However, if I lost my one. If it broke or wore out. If I went back to the moment in time when the me who was browsing Amazon first clicked to purchase one of these things, I would 100% buy it again. 100 times again.
Eagle Claw Tactical Keychain Tool
The Eagle Claw Takes! No! Prisoners! Made of titanium and sharpened to a fine and ominous talon point, this beastly weapon
slashes through skin and impales vital organs hooks over door handles and punches elevator buttons so you don't have to touch them!
The Eagle Claw EDC is sized and fashioned to fit a keychain, with a 5mm hole drilled at the grip end of the tool, and an overall length of 58mm (2.3"). A notched nub serves as the Claw's grip, ensuring a no-slip hold as you gouge the eyes out of your enemies, and avoid at all costs making contact with germy grocery store and UPS delivery tablet touchscreens.
Your Girl Hugging Your Crotch Boxer Briefs
If you thought you owned crotch-hugging underwear before, I'll bet you've never put on a pair of crotch huggers like this. Your lady's face. Your lady's warm embrace. Have them both printed right on the one-eyed snake chamber of a pair of boxer briefs. Available in multiple colors and styles, and sizes XS through 3XL.
14 Must Have Eats While Under Quarantine
It's not that these 14 must have eats while under quarantine are any less delectable and covetable when we're not sheltering in place, it's just that building the Best Pantry Ever of snacks and candy, and a munchie- and meal-filled refrigerator Homer Simpson would be proud of wasn't our #1 pastime before the coronavirus.
OK, I won't speak for you.
Acquiring, consuming, judging, and creating extensive displays and Excel spreadsheets of tasty treats and hearty foods wasn't my #1 pastime before the coronavirus.
E35: What Is This Thing?
3 hints to help you get your guessing juices (non-contagious ones only, please) flowing: 1) Some of you will love what it's used for, others will need to fight back your gag reflex; 2) It puts slippery little suckers in their place; 3) Aw, shucks.
HappyPo Easy-Bidet - Portable, Squeezable Bidet
I know, I know, the HappyPo Easy-Bidet comes with an air-dry requirement, but hey, it's better than using your clothes to wipe. Or following the "Diarrhea" song's advice of, "When you're sittin' on the john and the toilet paper's gone, be a man, use your hand, diarrhea!"
Plus, you could always use a washcloth or hand towel to dry off after you squeeze 'n' squirt to get cleaned up down there.
I chose the HappyPo Easy-Bidet to recommend in this time of toilet paper shortages over a standard bidet - the kind that replaces your toilet seat, or your entire toilet - because it's easy and cheap for the short-term. Which I think is what we're all hoping this shelter in place time will be.
Nooklet Outlet Safety Plug for Babies & Toddlers
Kill two birds - and save a baby - with one stone with the Nooklet Outlet. It's a safety plug for home electrical outlets that will both childproof the outgoing plug from Bzzzt!ing your curious kiddo, and provide an incoming plug to use when they want to get their binky on.
Plus! Nooklet doesn't just eliminate the possibility of electrocution by blocking an outlet's electrical current, it also repurposes a tiny bit of that current into a calming pulse that will further soothe your suckling tot into a state of baby bliss.
Responsible parents know nothing protects a little nugget movin' like a rocket like a little Nooklet in the socket.
Impossible Table - Desktop Tensegrity Demonstration
The Impossible Table is a desktop toy that defies the laws of physics! No wait, I mean the Impossible Table is a desktop toy that complies with the laws of physics! Specifically, the laws that apply to the tensegrity concept.
The Impossible Table is an assembly of CNC-machined 60601 aluminum and nickel-plated steel. It comes in 2 versions, a classic design whose tension members are all ball chain, and a next-level head scratcher that uses neodymium magnets as its center tension member. Both Impossible Tables are flexible when pushed and bent, yet hold firm and upright untouched. Both can also support weight on their top plate, the classic ball chain versions up to 12 pounds, and the magnetic table up to 1 pound.
Fun Things to Do While You're Coronavirus Quarantined
In addition to your Reddit sub battles, gaming Battle Royales, and streaming Battles of the Bastards and battles on the streets of Blaviken, here are some ideas for fun things to do while you're coronavirus quarantined.
Adult Baby Rompers
The adult baby rompers remind me of a nursery rhyme. Put a onesie on a lady, she'll be a twosie before long / a threesie if she's up for it, with a forgy comin' on strong.
Made by the aptly named Little for Big, the adult baby romper line comes in a host of styles and prints women and men alike will go goo-goo-ga-ga over. I mean, the ones who are into the whole child's play thing anyway.
Don't Stop. Be Leaving. Doormat
I'd call the Don't Stop. Be Leaving. Doormat the ultimate Dad joke, but Dad would never be so rude to a visitor. And Dad would never wish a visitor to go away, even salespeople, and Mormons who want to teach him about Joseph Smith, and especially his daughter Kayleigh's date Tucker. Or maybe he'd be unable to resist the welcome mat's brilliant humor, but answer the door, "Don't stop. Be leaving? No! Don't stop, be comin' on inside!"
E34: What Is This Thing?
Hints: 1) It's one of those gifts that keeps on giving; 2) It's ready for some wrist action; 3) It will come in handy on nights you and your peeps want to band together.