Dude's Must See Products for March 2020

The Eagle Claw Takes! No! Prisoners! Made of titanium and sharpened to a fine and ominous talon point, this beastly weapon slashes through skin and impales vital organs hooks over door handles and punches elevator buttons so you don't have to touch them!

The Eagle Claw EDC is sized and fashioned to fit a keychain, with a 5mm hole drilled at the grip end of the tool, and an overall length of 58mm (2.3"). A notched nub serves as the Claw's grip, ensuring a no-slip hold as you gouge the eyes out of your enemies, and avoid at all costs making contact with germy grocery store and UPS delivery tablet touchscreens.

I know, I know, the HappyPo Easy-Bidet comes with an air-dry requirement, but hey, it's better than using your clothes to wipe. Or following the "Diarrhea" song's advice of, "When you're sittin' on the john and the toilet paper's gone, be a man, use your hand, diarrhea!"

Plus, you could always use a washcloth or hand towel to dry off after you squeeze 'n' squirt to get cleaned up down there.

I chose the HappyPo Easy-Bidet to recommend in this time of toilet paper shortages over a standard bidet - the kind that replaces your toilet seat, or your entire toilet - because it's easy and cheap for the short-term. Which I think is what we're all hoping this shelter in place time will be.

Kill two birds - and save a baby - with one stone with the Nooklet Outlet. It's a safety plug for home electrical outlets that will both childproof the outgoing plug from Bzzzt!ing your curious kiddo, and provide an incoming plug to use when they want to get their binky on.

Plus! Nooklet doesn't just eliminate the possibility of electrocution by blocking an outlet's electrical current, it also repurposes a tiny bit of that current into a calming pulse that will further soothe your suckling tot into a state of baby bliss.

Responsible parents know nothing protects a little nugget movin' like a rocket like a little Nooklet in the socket.

The Impossible Table is a desktop toy that defies the laws of physics! No wait, I mean the Impossible Table is a desktop toy that complies with the laws of physics! Specifically, the laws that apply to the tensegrity concept.

The Impossible Table is an assembly of CNC-machined 60601 aluminum and nickel-plated steel. It comes in 2 versions, a classic design whose tension members are all ball chain, and a next-level head scratcher that uses neodymium magnets as its center tension member. Both Impossible Tables are flexible when pushed and bent, yet hold firm and upright untouched. Both can also support weight on their top plate, the classic ball chain versions up to 12 pounds, and the magnetic table up to 1 pound.