Dude's Must See Products for February 2020
Dude's must see products for February 2020 were a lot of bark (the sh*t, f*@k, and sonofab#*ch kind) and even a little bite. A T-Rex-sized bite. But if you let him, one Rex promises, just the tip. Come on! It was Valentine's Day!
Enjoy the recap of Dude's must see products for February 2020.
Baseball Bat Whiskey Decanter
The Baseball Bat Whiskey Decanter is worth all its peanuts and Cracker Jacks, made of borosilicate glass with a wood accent at the grip, and a thick knob serving as its stopper and fill / pour point. The bat extends 20" long, with a 750mL capacity for holding the contents of a standard bottle of whiskey, scotch, rum, wine, or other favorite liquor.
The Baseball Bat Decanter stores on top of a mahogany wood holder, and also comes with a set of 4 Baseball Whiskey Glasses. A great gift for men who love them some America's favorite pastime.
Edible Ghostbusters Stay Puft Marshmallow Man
Ohboyohboyohboy, a replica Ghostbusters Stay Puft Marshmallow Man you can eat! I won't say he's giant because, well, we've seen what an actual giant Stay Puft Marshmallow Man looks like in the movie. But at 10.6 ounces and 8 1/2" tall, this bad boy is a chunk, and he too is ready to wreak havoc. On your digestive system. Better fill the proton pack with Pepto Bismol.
Cut-N-Seal Crust Remover & Sandwich Sealer
The popularity of this one surprised me. You dudes do not like sammich crusts. Don't worry, I'm right there with you. Plus, the Pampered Chef Cut-N-Seal does one better, crimping together 2 pieces of bread or dough to create any number of savory or sweet, hot or cold pocket sandwiches, appetizers, pastries, and tarts. Cut sandwich diameter is 3.5".
Just Text Us Doormat
"Just text us when you're here. No need to get the dogs involved." Whether you're a pet owner or not, this doormat sends a relatable message. And since anyone who comes over is certainly on their phone right up to the point you open the door anyway, it's probably easier for them to send a text notification of their arrival than to lift a hand to the doorbell or knocker.
I mean, unless it's your mother-in-law, who doesn't text at all, or ever tell you when she's coming over, in which case you should go with this door knocker instead of the mat.
Rubber Cast Iron Skillet
I feel like She-Ra: Princess of Power and I could have fun with some rubber cast iron skillet shenanigans at our next dinner party. Or, better, our next dinner with her parents. What starts as a simple differing of opinions on how long to sear the beef escalates, suddenly and with laser-like focus, into She-Ra popping me one in the face.
Eh, maybe not the best practical joke to pull around her parents. My father-in-law would probably applaud.
Created by engineer Justine Haupt, the Rotary Cellphone is real, it's open source for makers, and it's magnificent. Designed for those who prefer a more tactile experience than touchscreens offer, as well as those who don't want to be quite so connected at all times, the Rotary Cellphone cannot text, post to social media, or take selfies, but it can make calls. The old fashioned way with good ol' twists and turns of your pointer finger, or via the press of a single key for the people you call most often, and save to Rotary Cellphone's speed dial.
What Now Bitch? T-Rex Coffee Mug
The expression of pure joy on the What Now Bitch? T-Rex's face probably brings me more joy than the mug's sentiment itself.
But a T-Rex roaring, "What now bitch?" while holding a set of grabbers like the ones I gave my Nana when she got too old to reach high or bend low still brings me a good amount of joy on its own.
E28: What Is This Thing?
Hints: 1) For health reasons it cannot be returned; 2) Your mama might buy it for you. And then you would refuse to use it because friends and strangers would make fun of you; 3) But if you thumb your nose at it you might get burned.
What is this thing?
3D Printed Dickasaurus (NSFW)
Sex toy, trophy for a dude who's a real T-Rex in the bedroom, (literal) gag gift, the 3D Printed Dickasaurus will serve you well as any of these. But me, I'm bought a 3D Printed Dickasaurus to leave anonymously for my boss as a Presidents' Day award for being a real mother fucking Dickasaurus. He can put it alongside the Eat a Dick Chocolate Penis I (also anonymously) mailed him for Valentine's Day, and the World Champion Dick Trophy I Secret Santa gifted him for Christmas. Not to mention the ICK Mug I saw his wife drop off one day.
Rochan Slingshot - Professional Outdoor Catapult
Rochan-bo you for first go with this gnarly-looking slingshot, Cornelius. Rochan pronounces their namesake slingshot a "professional outdoor catapult" and launches its description with, "First, this slingshot...is not a toy. ... It has the capacity to seriously maim or worse." Hmmm.
On second thought, Cornelius, you go ahead and try out the Rochan Slingshot first.
Cuss Collar - A Collar that Curses When Your Dog Barks
Though the Cuss Collar sounds like a punishment for your foul-mouthed kids - or your husband - its application and function are a lot more literal. The Cuss Collar is a dog collar that swears whenever your dog barks. You know, like a dog-to-human translator that knows when Grandpaw goes Woof! he's really saying, Woof the fuck?!
Arf! Arf! Arf! = Shit! Shit! Shit! (She needs to take a leak.) Arroooooooo! = Fuuuuuuuuuck! (He's so lonely / hungry / horny - why did you leave him home alone again?) And Ruff-rowwrr! = Sonofabitch! (You are about to see the pillow he tore up and then peed on.)
E29: What Is This Thing?
Hints: 1) It's probably not going to score you any hot dates; 2) Got busted? Get this; 3) It's a creator of great suspense!
What is this thing?
Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes
Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes by Paul "Fotie" Photenhauer serves as a reminder to be careful what you wish for. For example, if a dude asks what you want for dessert, consider a plate of Creamy Cum Crepes before saying, "You!" And when you think you want him inside you so bad, let the espresso-, brandy-, and semen-soaked ladyfingers in a piece of Natural Harvest's Tiramisu make a quick, er, spurt into your head before you voice your desires.
Hit the Break: Spring Break Essentials
Hit the Break - the Spring Break - in 2020 with these Spring Break essentials and you'll be cruising like a boss through your week of beachdom, partydom, and hot-ass-girl-and-boydom. My picks have been hand-selected to assist you in your enjoyment of the sun, the booze, and the booty.
Whether you're flying to Cancun or just lettin' loose in town, get your plan and your gear in order, and this Spring Break is sure to be at trip.
Microbe Smackdown: Germ Busters, Sanitizers & Purifiers
They say the best way to fight the coronavirus is to wash your hands. But what fun is that? Germ busting via hand-washing requires no fancy gadgets. No special sanitizers. No multi-filtered medical-grade purifiers revered by hospitals and germophobes everywhere for their ability to suck 99.9997% of offending germs and particulates into their inescapable web of disinfection.
Washing your hands, simple soap and water, pssshhh, that's for amateurs. We're here for a professional-level demonstration. A spectacle of bacteria and virus annihilation. We're here for Microbe Smackdown 2020!