18 No-Fail Gifts for Women in 2020

Posted: December 01, 2020

My 2020 roundup of 18 no-fail gifts for women should have something for every special lady on your list. And even un-special ladies, like your mother-in-law and Karen.

Though if you want to give those two what they deserve, maybe a little switcheroo on their tire valve stem caps, replacing the boring one that's there with one of these.

Enjoy my 18 picks for no-fail gifts for women in 2020.

Note: Gift availability is listed, and prices are marked as they were at printing. Stock and prices are subject to change.

Indoor Relaxation Fountain

The Silver Springs Indoor Relaxation Fountain is a 3-tiered tabletop piece featuring a bed of natural river rocks that contribute to the soothing sounds of flowing water you'll get as the waterfalls cascade into a bottom basin. The fountain is also illuminated for additional ambience.

If you're feeling chill enough on your own...or you've already got a Studenglass...the EnviraScape Silver Springs Indoor Relaxation Fountain could also make a nice gift for Mom or your wife.

$18.74 ➠ Amazon

Alessi Bulla Bottle Opener

Disguised as a liquid metal trinket, the Alessi Bulla Bottle Opener ensures they'll never see but a glint and a flash coming when, with the flick of a wrist, you pop open their beer, and put a cap in their lap.

The Bulla Bottle Opener was designed for Alessi by Valerio Sommella, and is part of the houseware retailer's Objets-Bijoux collection, "functional small objects that stand out for their expertly processed metals." In other words, it's the first step in the journey to highfalutin cold one consumption.

$42 ➠ Amazon

Woo Warmer - Under-Rug Electric Floor Heat Mat

Dudes, are you ready to warm your woo? Or should I say, warm your boo's woo? The Woo Warmer is an electric floor heat mat that slides under any area rug or carpet to transfer up to 115 degrees of toastiness to the toes and tushies on top.

Available in 3 sizes, the Woo Warmer slides (mostly) unseen under your preferred floor covering, and then plugs into a standard wall outlet to distribute radiant heat over the mat's surface, and then upward toward the people (and pets - it's safe for them too) above.

$169.85 to $249.85 ➠ Amazon

Adult Baby Rompers

The adult baby rompers remind me of a nursery rhyme. Put a onesie on a lady, she'll be a twosie before long / a threesie if she's up for it, with a forgy comin' on strong.

Made by the aptly named Little for Big, the adult baby romper line comes in a host of styles and prints women and men alike will go goo-goo-ga-ga over. I mean, the ones who are into the whole child's play thing anyway.

$25.80 & Up ➠ Amazon

Nix Mini 2 Portable Color Matching Tool

The Nix Color Sensor, a portable color matching tool, has 2-point-ohed its original version, which the company describes as "like the eyedropper tool, but for real life." The geometric EDC tool for artists, designers, and people using COVID as an excuse to redecorate their home scans any surface around you, and then sends the information to the Nix app to find its closest paint color match, or the digital values of the shade.

$99 ➠ Amazon

Mohair Pants

Need some mo' hair down there? Feel all warm 'n' fuzzy on the inside and the out with SuperTanya's hand-knit mohair pants. The mohair knitwear is funky-chic on the eyes and either: a) soft as a pussywillow; or b) itchy as a skeeter on the skin. I can't decide which seems more likely, but it's definitely one or the other.

SuperTanya makes her SuperPants in dozens of different colors, and styles ranging from classy cable knit, to furry culture curious, to Sasquatch love bait.

$180.90 & Up ➠ Etsy

California Champagne Saber Company Sabrage Swords

A nice bottle of chilled Champagne. A nice California Champagne Saber Company bubbles bottle sabrage sword. A little flair. A little flick of the wrist. A big POP! A big Champagne shower! A big celebration! A...oh f-...izzy wine! That hacked-off bottle neck shot right into her sister-in-law's face!

Looks like California Champagne Saber Company Sabrage Swords are multi-talented!

$99.95 to $159.95 ➠ Amazon

Garden Genie Gloves with Claws

Performing gardening chores and yard work next spring is gonna be way more fun with a pair of these Garden Genie Gloves...with Claws! Diggin' through the dirt like a lion or a dragon. Or and adorable sloth, who eventually gives up and just calls a landscaper.

Garden Genie caps off their traditional water- and puncture-proof, latex-coated with a set of 8 ABS plastic claws, 4 each for the right and left glove. All are permanently attached to the fingers with an environmentally friendly adhesive.

$11.99 ➠ Amazon

61" Freestanding Cedar Wood Bathtub

Rub-a-dub-dub, one lady in a tub. ... Unless she'd like a very special dude...and possibly 2 or 3 virtual-schooling kiddos...to join her in this 61" freestanding cedar wood soaking masterpiece.

$1,861 ➠ Amazon

Runamok Maple Sparkle Syrup

Ooooh, Runamok's Maple Sparkle Syrup is definitely on the list of magical goos Glinda the Good Witch and a unicorn would make during their Zoom cooking sessions together. And then the Wicked Witch of the West and Smaug would tear through their houses - maskless, I'm sure - and steal it all as Sarah Jessica Parker from Hocus Pocus stood by yelling, Amok, amok, amok! Sorry, kids, no glitter pancakes or waffles for you.

And even if this exact scenario doesn't play out, if you want some Sparkle Syrup, you better be cunning. At printing, Runamok Maple was selling this sweet and luminous sap as part of their Limited Release program. Meaning Sparkle Syrup "will disappear like a wizard in a puff of purple smoke" - or in the hands of evil villains - if you don't snatch yours up and hide it quick.

$16.95 ➠ Runamok Maple

Lace Kimono Robe

A little bit of kimono for the lady wearing this sexy lace robe, a lot of kimoano for the dude who sees her in it. These Kimono Robes stimulate, seduce, and bring up the boners, but with flowing butterfly sleeves and a satin closure belt, avoid going full-on trashy lingerie. They're coy cover-ups that, if you play your cards right, won't be covering up anything for long.

$17.79 ➠ Amazon

Kuretake Water Color Set

Help her discover her inner Bob-san Rossamoto with a Kuretake Gansai Tambi Watercolor Paints Set. Kuretake says 36-strong palette of Japanese hues are highly blendable, with a creamy-smooth consistency. They also differ from American or European watercolors in their deeper opacity and stronger intensity.

The watercolor set comes in a Gansai Tambi box, with each pigment block numbered and named. The latter is in Japanese, but Kuretake does include an English translation in the paint set's online listing. My favorite: Hooker's Green.

$29.99 to $37.99 ➠ Amazon

Electric Bubble Bath Massage Mat

An "electric bubble bath," that sounds sssssexy. ... And a little bit scary. Will she have any hair left on her body, and thoughts left in her brain after emerging from a splish-splash with Serene Life's Bubble Bath Massage Mat?

Oh yes, I'm assured. Bathing with the Bubble Bath Massage Mat is more like bathing with a Womanizer than with a hairdryer, as the bringer of the bathtub spa experience is 100% waterproof. Its air pump / bubble maker even sits outside of the tub, using an air hose to pump in the bubbles that will keep the suds alive in your water, and help you relax.

$122.99 ➠ Amazon

Corgi Butt Leggings

Why you gotta taunt me, Corgi Butt Leggings? Like I don't want to pet, pat, and smack my wife's ass often enough as it is. Especially now that we're sheltering up in place, so it's within about 50' of me 24/7. Adding an adorable Corgi butt to the mix, seeing it wag as she walks, that's only going to make things worse.

And by worse, I mean better.

Any dudes out there looking for quarantine-appropriate gifts for your girlfriend, you really can't go wrong here. She can wear the stretchy Corgi Butt Leggings as yoga pants if she wants to work out while stuck at home, or lounge pants if she prefers a night...and day...and another night of Netflix & chill.

$59.10 ➠ Etsy

Aromatherapy Shower Steamers

Obviously I'm writing about Cleverfy Aromatherapy Shower Steamers because my wife put them on her Christmas list this year, and I'm recommending them to you dudes as great options for gifts for your girlfriends and wives. Obviously.

There's no chance, not one condensation droplet of a chance, that I'm writing about Cleverfy Aromatherapy Shower Steamers because I put them on my Christmas list this year, and I'm recommending them to you dudes as great options for gifts for yourselves.

$21.99 to $24.99 ➠ Amazon

Gloves in a Bottle Shielding Lotion for Dry Skin

A lot of us, and especially our health care workers, could use any number of shields right now. Gloves in a Bottle, a self-described Shielding Lotion, is volunteering to be that protective barrier for our dry, cracked, responsibly-sanitized, but resultantly-uncomfortable skin.

Unlike most lotions and creams that provide superficial dry skin relief only for a short time, until you wash, sanitize, sweat, wash dishes, or run your hands repeatedly through your now-flowing shoulder-length locks again, Gloves in a Bottle says its lotion "actually bonds to the outer layer of skin, filling in any gaps and protecting skin for up to four hours while washing and sanitizing until it needs to be reapplied."

$17.95 ➠ Amazon

BALMUDA Steam Toaster

According to BALAMUDA, the BALMUDA Toaster uses steam technology and precise temperature control to bring out the best in every kind of bread. The secret apparently is in the 5cc of water you add to the cooking process. Now, I have no clue how much 5ccs of water is, and my only real reference for it would be Douglas Howser, MD, but it seems like not much. But since that 5cc of water can heat more rapidly than air, a thin layer of steam can envelop the bread, lightly toasting its surface, while keeping its inner moisture and flavor from escaping.

Mmm, that does sound good. Like an M&M.

$329 ➠ Amazon

Qdo Birdie Swing Nest - Teacup with Infuser & Lid

A little birdie told me...uh...that little birdies don't like to be stuffed with tea leaves and dunked in boiling water. Even when Qdo gives them their very own swing and nest to hang out to dry on when the steeping's done. Yes, the Qdo Birdie Swing Nest teacup with attached infuser and lid is a hoot to behold, and maybe even a special tweet to use, but even if you desperately need a gift for your girlfriend, delighting and supporting others' delight in this type of avian cruelty is shameful. Borderline sick. Almost-...

...mmmmmmm! What's that I smell? Succulent fat and savory herbs and...oh boy! Looks like my wife is roasting a duck for dinner tonight!

$22.99 ➠ Amazon

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