14 Genius Products I Wish I'd Invented
Some of these 14 genius products I wish I'd invented fall into the category of Dude! Why didn't I think of that? while others, I'll humbly admit, go a little beyond my thinking cap capabilities. And we all have at least one idea we know we thought of first when we see someone else package and bring it to market, right? Well. One of the inventions in my genius product list is also my That was my idea! You bastard!
Are any of them yours?
From the elegantly simple and brilliant, to the highly engineered, but still as charming as they are badass, enjoy this roundup of 14 genius products I wish I'd invented.
Mighty Mug - The Mug That Won't Fall Over
We've all done it: knocked over a cup of coffee / sodie / water / vodka tonic at work and ruined something important. Jayme Smaldone and his Mighty Mug cohorts blew out an important office computer with a spill. But instead of swearing and slamming doors and whining could their wife please just make bacon mac 'n' cheese with Corn Flake topping for dinner about it, they developed a line of unknockable Mighty Mugs so such catastrophic events would never happen again.
Built with the team's patented Smartgrip Technology, Mighty Mugs guarantee that the occasional brushes, bumps, and whacks accompanying liquid consumption will no longer send your drinks flying. In addition, while Smartgrip suction creates an airlock powerful enough to resist lateral force and prevent spills, its pressure instantly normalizes when upward force is applied, and the airlock lifts easily. In other words, you can pick a Mighty Mug up and put it down like any other mug or glass.
Glad Press'n Seal Plastic Food Wrap
When Glad says this shit sticks to anything, they mean this shit sticks to anything. Except they don't really refer to their Press'n Seal Food Wrap as "shit," probably because the word also carries a negative connotation, and wouldn't resonate well with their midwest housewife majority market share.
But take it from me, this shit is the shit, and possibly the one type of shit that doesn't have my name all over it that I really, really wish did.
Now that Press'n Seal Food Wrap exists, I don't know why they even still make normal, frustrating-as-all-quarantine saran wrap, and I definitely do not know who still buys it. I mean, Press'n Seal is Michael Jordan, and everything else is a kid without arms.
Blockhead Side-Facing Apple Plug
They named it "Blockhead," which is cute & clever because this little module is a literal block that subs in for the existing pronged head of your Apple power adapter. But what the Blockhead accomplishes is definitely no blockhead move: it modifies the adapter such that you can plug it in sideways, with the largest part of its surface pressed against the wall instead of protruding from it. This Blockhead is borderline genius!
Snap it onto your existing MacBook or iPad power adapter, and the Blockhead side plug will provide increased access for the giant Apple monstrosity to: outlets in your house that are in tight spaces behind furniture or equipment; high-traffic areas where they're likely to get bumped and knocked because they stick out, like, 8 feet from the wall; and older or loose outlets they may have otherwise fallen out of, because in addition to sticking out, like, 8 feet, they also weigh, like, 8 pounds.
Vampliers Screw Pliers
Whoever came up with these screw extraction tools is even more of a genius for naming them Vampliers. As in, pliers that clamp down on rusty, stripped, jammed, or tamper-proof screws, and don't stop sucking 'til they pop out dead.
Made from carbon steel produced by Kobe Steel of Japan, Vampliers are fitted with a combination of vertical and horizontal serrations to establish a strong bite, maintain grip during the extraction process, and prevent slippage. And even though their nature is to destroy, due to their slick appearance, suave nature, and super strength, all women seem to fall in love with Vampliers and seek to have a pair by their side.
Plate Dip Clips
Plate Dip Clips attach to plates and hold dip. So it won't bleed all over your food before you're ready for it, or nuzzle up to items it isn't meant to touch, or run amok on the flat plate surface and become more of a scrape than a dip.
Dip Clips are sold in sets of 4, so they may be used either by 4 different people or, more likely, 4 different dips so the user is not restricted to a single condiment. Ketchup with my fries? Yeah, ketchup with my fries. Ketchup, BBQ sauce, Ranch dressing, extra garlicky aioli, and nacho cheese. Damn, that's 5. Wait, Mama, don't click Buy yet! I need 2 sets!
ThinOPTICS Keychain Reading Glasses
ThinOPTICS, you're so kind to the elderly...and dudes who recently turned 40. Not only do these keychain reading glasses fold flat to eliminate the bulk of carrying readers around, but they also latch onto a set of keys so the likelihood of forgetting them at home is reduced by a good...10, 15 percent.
I previously saw ThinOPTICS slipped into an adhesive sleeve for the back of your phone. I thought that was a nifty place to stick a spare pair of reading glasses, but the keychain version is probably better for those who don't want anything, even shatter-proof polycarbonate frames as thin as 2 credit cards and lighter than a nickel, slapped on to their already hefty phone.
Lock Laces No-Tie Shoelaces
One time when I was a kid I was at the mall with my mama rocking a pair of K-Swiss and one of my shoelaces came untied shortly before we got onto the down escalator. The ride itself went fine, but when I stepped off at the bottom, the conveyor system sucked up my shoelace! and yanked me back into its revolving death grip. Other people were still coming down, trying to get off, the escalator was trying to eat me alive, I was flailing and yelling, Mama, Mama! - it was a nightmare. Finally, my mama grabbed my foot and pulled off my shoe to release me. She then fought with the serrated barcode beast herself, yanking and swearing and refusing to back down until it released my shoelace. She prevailed. Then we got ice cream.
That day taught me two things: 1) Always be afraid of down escalators; and 2) Always, always double knot your shoelaces. Number 2 is a huge pain. Double the pain of tying them to begin with, in fact. Lock Laces are a genius alternative. An elastic weave-and-fasten system, Lock Laces keep your shoelaces tidy and secure. They will never, ever come untied. Not during a race or a a game, a workout or a stroll, or any type of interaction with an escalator.
Spyra One Water Bullet Water Gun
Nothing like the thought of pelting my friend Cornelius with a Spyra One water bullet to get me amped up on this fine afternoon! Well, that and tacos.
The Spyra One calls itself a next-gen water gun, a battle toy that replaces the streaming shots of other water guns with a powerful 30mL "water bullet" capable of hitting targets with balls-H2On accuracy from up to 25' feet away.
Morninghead: Man's 5-Second Hairstylist
Eight years ago entrepreneur Max Valvarde went the elegantly simple invention route with this 5-second solution to all of the potential false starts* of sticking your disheveled bush of bed hair under the sink to tame and reposition it. His Morninghead stylist is a cap lined with a proprietary, super-absorbent cloth material that drinks up a few ounces of water, and distributes them evenly across its surface. You can then put on the Morning Head like a shower cap, scrunch the water through their hair, and easily ready tresses for smoothing. No more sopping wet follicles, no more water oozing down your face and onto your clothes, and no more bending over and risking a concussion. It's like a ShamWow! for your head.
*Such as: water too hot; water too cold; sloshed water drips all over crotch; head cracks against faucet causing concussion.
PowerBlock Adjustable Dumbbell Set
Reduced space, reduced cost, zero reduction in pumping clap you up! PowerBlock sets aren't only nested, adjustable dumbbells on the scene, but they were definitely one of the first, and remain one of the best.
Chef'n Cob Corn Stripper
It's not like de-kerneling a corn cob with a knife is hard, but it is hard to do without making a huge mess of kernels and husk remnants and corn juice flying all over the kitchen. And when the precariously positioned cob slips during stripping...hope you like blood in your fresh salsa.
Chef'n's twist & push Cob Corn Stripper removes some - not all, but 6/10 - of the hassle associated with fresh corn kernel acquisition. The compact cylinder is lined with stainless steel blades that strip cobs in seconds as you make a twisting-pushing combo move. Sometimes - largely dependent on the girth of your cob - the Stripper glides along an ear of corn like the butter you'd otherwise slather on it. Other times...it's like trying to slide down a pole with chunky thighs and no AstroGlide. You'll get there, but it's gonna take some work.
Obol Never Soggy Cereal Bowl
Milk in the deep dish, flakes / balls / Os in the shallow dish, and your hand in the textured, non-slip grip underneath lend to any style of Obol munching from steady, systematic shoveling, to slow and controlled over the course of crafting a delicate email to your co-worker about wearing deodorant because you drew the short straw when everyone else who sits near him met to pick a messenger last week.
Pakayak Hardshell Packable Kayak
Despite its Russian doll appearance, Pakayak construction differs little from that of the most respected kayaks available today. The segmented boats are made of kayak-specific plastic resin and interlock with a 275-pound capacity strength and watertight construction. Pakayak sections maintain their seal with a 4-point clamping technology that also creates bulkheads at the connection points. The company says these bulkheads actually increase the overall strength of the boat because they are stronger than the hull itself.
AFO Fire Extinguisher Ball
In a way, AFO makes a fireball you can sling at your enemies to fight them off. But here your enemies won't be Goombas or Koopa Troopas, they'll be the flaming tongues of a stove fire or tipped-over candle, and your fireball won't ignite them, it will self-detonate into an extinguishing cloud of non-toxic chemicals to take them out.
The AFO Fire Extinguisher Ball requires little more than a modicum of aim to use. If a fire breaks out in your home or office, all you need do is toss or roll the Ball into it and it will automatically release its powdery suppressants within 3 to 5 seconds. Extinguishing capabilities cover a radius of 86 to 107 square feet.