10 Images I Can't Believe Are Allowed on Amazon (NSFW)
/10-images-i-cant-believe-are-43138.jpg "10 Images I Can't Believe Are Allowed on Amazon (NSFW)")
And I mean very NSFW. I mean, it's not like I came across* these 10 images I can't believe are allowed on Amazon because I was searching for porn, boobies, or sex toys on Amazon. I was just minding my own business, perusing the site for gifts and gear I thought my fellow dudes would like to take a gander at and - POW! It was porn, boobies, and sex toys - oh, and fornicating dragons - everywhere! I was appalled. I was scandalized. I was...
...so excited to show you! So here they are, the top 10 images I can't believe are allowed on Amazon.
And, yeah, fine. I did go looking for them.
*Er, no pun intended.
2020 Dragon Sex Wall Calendar
We'll start out on the just a little naughty end of the spectrum, which I believe runs from "just a little naughty" to "depraved." Behold 2020's edition of the hottest date tracker ever made. Fresh, dirty, and on fire!, here's the 2020 Dragon Sex Wall Calendar.
You can view additional months of mythical coitus in full-color artwork on the calendar's Amazon listing.
Pumsun Lingerie Crotchless Panties
Unlike so many cheap imports on Amazon, I'll bet these crotchless panties would actually look better in real life. In action. On a real life girl, and in the midst of me getting some action.
I can't believe this has never come up in conversation, but I wonder how my wife, She-Ra: Princess of Power, feels about crotchless panties....
Anatomy of Human Sexual Intercourse Shower Curtain
It's almost like an optical illusion, or a seek 'n' find for the penis. And once you see it, you'll realize why you didn't in the first place. WTF is going on with that dickeroo? It's like wood that's made of actual wood. Now I know nothing of lady part anatomy from a scientific diagramming perspective, but if its depiction is as jacked up as that of the penis penetrating it, this sexual intercourse shower curtain is wrong in so many more ways than one.
The "one" being that it's, uh, a shower curtain with an anatomical drawing of people knocking crotches on it.
Tongue Vibrator Simulator
I don't care if it's just a drawing, that right there is some graction. Meaning graphic action. Especially if you have the healthy imagination of...a breathing man over the age of 12...and associate the product's name, Tongue Vibrator Simulator, with its images.
Oh, and whomever the artistic genius who was able to draw the simulation of the vibrator's "tongue" whipping back and forth deserves whatever the art community's version of an Oscar is.
Dildo Wand
It's not the dress, it's the girl in the dress, right? And in this case it's not the dildo, it's the girl in the dildo. Or wait, I guess that goes the other way around.
With a Bippity-boppity-up-your-boop! this large, flexible, and extra veiny silicone penis is ready to make some magic happen.
Pocket Pussy
Who's looking for their next hot piece of EDC? While I have my doubts the Pocket Pussy is actually small enough to fit in your pocket, I get the sentiment, and have to admit, it's a great fucking name. <---See what I did there?
Perhaps my favorite part about the accompanying photo is the area I didn't have to pixelate, which is the lady who was so turned on she moistened herself.
Or maybe the photo shoot was just taking too long, so she peed her pants. ... And they were like, "Perfect!
3" Thick Dildo
I showed this big fat dildo to my wife, She-Ra: Princess of Power, and she looked horrified, so I guess there does come a point for women that bigger goes from better to harrowing. Look at your forearm. Just stop a sec and look at it. Now even if it were a little smaller than it is, can you imagine your dick being that thick? And if your dick were that thick, can you imagine anyone, besides perhaps an elephant, allowing you to penetrate them with it?
Yes? Well guess you've landed at the right place, because have I got a 3" thick dildo for you!
Double-Sided Male Sucker
Lips or puss, what's your pleasure? Have both with a double-sided male sucker. A lil' deep throating, a lil' mock missionary, and call it a Sunday Funday night. In addition to being 2 sexy holes, these 2 sexy holes also have "super 3D realistic" inside bits with "convex particles [to] drive more stimulation and pleasure during piston thrusting."
Nipple Clamps
Whoa. Those are, like, honest to goodness nipple clamps, attached to honest to goodness nipples, attached to honest to goodness boobies. Dare I say natural, silicone-free boobies, no less? I can't believe it! Well done, Amazon!
Pregnant Sex Doll
Dudes, we all have different tastes, and I judge no man's. I even get this penile pleasure, because if you're really jonesing for some sexy time with a pregnant woman, shelling out $800 for a Pregnant Sex Doll is going to cost a helluva lot loss than getting a real lady pregnant so you can have sex with her...and then raise and pay for the kid for the next 18 years.
Also, this plastic preggo panty dropper is ssssmokin' hot. Bella Sex Doll Brothel hot. And if you're one who thinks there is something wrong with a little pregnant lady bump 'n' grind, the sex doll listing from AILIJIA also features 9 other girls of varying looks, heights, and body types.
Men's Half Thong
Bonus #11, one to grown on, for the ladies!
Never mind all the male bush and taint action going on in these photos, what I really want to know is: how the half thong does a dude wear a half thong? How does it stay on? Is there an adhesive involved? Am I to believe dudes are going to put up with body tape on one butt cheek and part of their junk in the name of looking sexy?
Male strippers, bodybuilders of Instagram, Hemsworth brothers, can you weigh in here?
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