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The TRON Light Cycle

By: on August 23, 2011
Discontinued

Yeah, it costs more than twice the country's 2011 median income, but two little words make it worth every penny: Street. Legal. If you can convince the bank, or your mom, to spot you the cash, a living, breathing replica of the computer-animated cycle from the 2010 film TRON: Legacy will earn you the awe and admiration of every pulse-possessing male aged 8 to 44. Plus probably after-hours access to every drive-thru espresso stand barista you'll ever meet. Good thing the Light Cycle requires riders to lie almost horizontal astride its black leather seat because horizontal is a position any owner of this ticket to eternal ass is going to have to get used to.

The Light Cycle's aesthetic splendor begins with a steel frame, which is covered by a fiberglass cowling to replicate the sleek look of its computer-generated counterpart. Electroluminescent strips embedded in the wheels and body puppeteer laser-esque displays of awesomeness during casual cruises and gamer's convention tailgates. A fuel-injected Suzuki 996cc, 4-stroke engine, and 6-speed constant mesh manual transmission will make the bike go, but only your dedication and stalker-training skills will get it to Olivia Wilde's front door.

No conceivable way of acquiring the requisite 55 grand? Don't worry, there's a LEGO version that still might score you some points with the 8-year-old children of single moms....

UPDATE: Parker Brothers Custom Choppers is now working on a new version of their street legal TRON bike, powered by lithium batteries and a 96-volt electric motor that's (supposedly) capable of a top speed of 100 mph. It can also go 100 miles on a single 15-35 minute charge with enough juice left over for that signature TRON lighting.

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Sick in the Head: The 10 Coolest Motorcycle Helmets

Some people say you're sick in the head for riding a motorcycle. I say you're sick in the head if you're wearing one of these motorcycle helmets. And I mean it in the very, very best sense of the word. Here are my picks...

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Mini Matchstick Revolver

$182.86 from DHgate.com »

This mini model 304 revolver is a little pricey given all it does is load matches and go Bang! but if you're looking for a gift for a man, you really can't go wrong with a toy that...loads matches and goes Bang!...

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Sexy TRON Outfit

Discontinued

Wise shoppers know that when buying a gift, you should choose something for the recipient that you would never choose to buy for yourself. In that vein, this smokin' hot, 12-gauge clear plastic TRON corset lined with...

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Giant Batman Batarang

$199.99 from ThinkGeek »

A 4-foot Batman Batarang. I wonder if you could hang glide on that thing. I wonder if it would make a good frisbee. Or, at 4-1/2 pounds, a good World's Strongest Man chucking event....

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ScorpionExo Covert Kevlar Flannel Shirt

$129.95 - $140.21 from Amazon »

Kevlar flannel. It's why Kurt Cobain didn't die in a motorcycle crash. Nah. I don't know if Cobain even rode a bike. But if he did, ScorpionExo's Covert Flannel could have helped save his hide if he went down. The shirt...

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Uno Bolt E-Unicycle

$999 - $1,099 from Uno Bolt »

Uno, dos, tres...Bolt! You won't go 0 to 60 in 3.5 seconds - or ever - on the Uno Bolt, but you will have the privilege of scooting away lickety split from the lady who caught you helping yourself to her plum tree (hey...

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Wolverine Style Hand Claw Dagger

Sold Out from Amazon »

What the WTF Amazon? You're in the weapons trade now? These costume-y looking hand claws have real blades of razor-sharp, 8.75-inch, 440C stainless steel, which make them exponentially and disturbingly more portentous...

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Motoped Survival Bike

$2,499 - $3,149 from Motoped »

Universal mounting rack. Three gallons of fuel. In critical times, Motoped's Survival Bike puts escape in the hands of your feet. The military-inspired superhauler has a back rack assembly primed for multiple bolt-on...

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Spare Me 5-in-1 Auto Rescue Tool

$24.95 from Amazon »

Taking the basic shape of a snow and ice scraper, the Spare Me Auto Rescue Tool extends its scraper's head into an arced body, and adds several rows of traction-ready teeth on top to multiply the car companion's skills...

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RYNO One Wheel Motorcycle

$5,295 from RYNO Motors »

Ever wanted to pop a perpetual wheelie? Well get ready, 'cause RYNO Motors is in production and set for the 2012 US release of two tiers of its self-balancing, single-wheeled, shit-stirring beast of a motorcycle. OK...

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DC & Marvel Comics Suits

$169.99 - $349.99 from Fun.com Suits »

Holy Marvel of Washington DC, Batman! They made a suit out of you! As teased in a preview a couple weeks ago, Fun.com is releasing a line of men's (funny / monkey?) business suits in tribute to your favorite superheroes...

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Gunbus 410 - World's Biggest Motorcycle

A Texas-sized hog made in southwest Germany. Leonhardt Manufacturing's Gunbus 410 owns the current title of World's Biggest (Running) Motorcycle. That means you can really own and operate the steel-and-aluminum behemoth...