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Fire Missiles Cigarette Lighter Button

By: on May 11, 2017
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Fire Missiles. A cathartic button for your road rage and, ironically, a healthier insert for your car's cigarette lighter slot than a cigarette lighter. Oh no...wait. I just read the Fire Missiles button actually "functions as a cigarette lighter on some vehicles." Some vehicles? Guess smokers will have to leave it up to the fates and karma to decide whether they should be lighting up while driving or not.

When I'm mad at cars around me for doing dumb shit I usually envision an arcade Claw descending from the sky and plucking them off the road. Could whoever made the Fire Missiles button design some sort of crane attachment I can mount to my dashboard or, better, above my windshield next?

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Fidget Cube Desk Toy

$25 from Antsy Labs »

Whether it's the caffeine jitters, public speaking anxiety, or ants in your pants, those of us who aren't trained professionals in smoothness like James Bond and Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid, Love will probably feel...

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Embarrassing Box Prank Mailer (NSFW)

$12.99 from Amazon »

D*ck in a Box is back! Just in time to dil-dole out some good times at the office and an April Fool's Day gift or two. Like many popular send-it-anonymously pranks, maker Witty Yeti will take a sworn oath to mail your...

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PC Prankster

$9.47 from Amazon »

I live for shenanigans of the PC Prankster variety. No, not because I'm devious and mean-spirited, because I have great empathy for others. I know as well as anyone how it feels to reach a level of frustration with a...

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Earwax Candle Kit

$7.89 from Amazon »

Here comes the Earwax Candle Kit just when you thought you couldn't find the perfect gift for your mom. I don't know about yours but I know my mama loves candles, and also hates waste, and based on the number of used...

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Willy Care Kit

$16.48 from Amazon »

If your name isn't William, and you don't need a gift for a dude named William, I can't imagine why you'd buy a Willy Care grooming kit. I mean, I know it's a common name and all, but are there really enough Willies out...

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The Eviltron

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Combining the ethos that nothing is scarier than one's own imagination with the ethos that creeping someone out to the cusp of a complete mental breakdown is great fun, we have...The Eviltron. That strange scratching...

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Fake Wall Outlet Sticker Prank

$3.99 from Amazon »

Just Basic Dave took one look at these Fake Wall Outlet Stickers and he knew: the next great prank of 2017 had arrived. Through his Twitter account Dave has posted videos of his fake outlet shenanigans at the airport...

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Anonymously Send Sh*t

Discontinued

If you know a lot of assholes, you know what it's like to deal with their shit. Now, it's time to return the favor. ShitSenders.com enables the shat upon to send steaming piles of Don't get mad, get even to inconsiderate...

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Book of Things Better Than Boobs

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Part of me wants to tell you what's inside the Book of Things Better Than Boobs so you'll get why it's so brilliant, but part of me wants to let you find out for yourself so you'll experience why it's so brilliant. I...

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A is for Anus: The Alphabet (For Adults)

$9.99 from Amazon »

This alphabet isn't adult just because A is for Anus, but also because of the accompanying anatomical representation author Max Willy has selected to make sure everyone knows what an anus is. Stick out your pointer finger...

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Prank Magnetic Bumper Stickers

$3.99 from Amazon »

My friend Cornelius put one of these prank bumper stickers on my car the other day, and even though I realized it was magnetic and therefore easily removed shortly after retracing my drive to the soft-serve ice cream...

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RPG-7 Bottle Launcher

Discontinued

Why is it that the toys you or I make with our buddies from scrap lengths of pipe and sheet metal the year we take high school physics always end up as legitimate, purchasable commodities developed and manufactured by...