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Fire Missiles Cigarette Lighter Button

By: on May 11, 2017
$14.97
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Fire Missiles. A cathartic button for your road rage and, ironically, a healthier insert for your car's cigarette lighter slot than a cigarette lighter. Oh no...wait. I just read the Fire Missiles button actually "functions as a cigarette lighter on some vehicles." Some vehicles? Guess smokers will have to leave it up to the fates and karma to decide whether they should be lighting up while driving or not.

When I'm mad at cars around me for doing dumb shit I usually envision an arcade Claw descending from the sky and plucking them off the road. Could whoever made the Fire Missiles button design some sort of crane attachment I can mount to my dashboard or, better, above my windshield next?

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Fidget Cube Desk Toy

$25 from Antsy Labs »

Whether it's the caffeine jitters, public speaking anxiety, or ants in your pants, those of us who aren't trained professionals in smoothness like James Bond and Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid, Love will probably feel...

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Embarrassing Box Prank Mailer (NSFW)

$14.99 from Amazon »

D*ck in a Box is back! Just in time to dil-dole out some good times at the office and an April Fool's Day gift or two. Like many popular send-it-anonymously pranks, maker Witty Yeti will take a sworn oath to mail your...

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PC Prankster

$11.99 from Amazon »

I live for shenanigans of the PC Prankster variety. No, not because I'm devious and mean-spirited, because I have great empathy for others. I know as well as anyone how it feels to reach a level of frustration with a...

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The Dadbag Beer Belly Fanny Pack

By: Dadbag »

The Dadbag beer belly fanny pack is right up there with the Sexy Chest Swimsuit in its ability to create a fiesta of discomfort, with a few streamers of sick fascination, before my eyes. The Baby Head Masks used to do...

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Stranger Fillings: A Parody Cookbook

$13.52 from Amazon »

Stranger Fillings: A Parody Cookbook continues the cookbook trend started by recipe collections like Baking Bad and The Snacking Dead. Released during the lead-up to Stranger Things' second season, the spoof provides...

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The Eviltron

Sold Out from Amazon »

Combining the ethos that nothing is scarier than one's own imagination with the ethos that creeping someone out to the cusp of a complete mental breakdown is great fun, we have...The Eviltron. That strange scratching...

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Cereal Killer Bowl

Sold Out from Amazon »

Decimate the Froot Loops, eradicate the Frosted Flakes, eliminate all traces of Trix with the Cereal Killer Bowl. Those Charms may be Lucky before the box is opened, but once once they hit your Dexter-approved bowl, it's...

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Anonymously Send Sh*t

Discontinued

If you know a lot of assholes, you know what it's like to deal with their shit. Now, it's time to return the favor. ShitSenders.com enables the shat upon to send steaming piles of Don't get mad, get even to inconsiderate...

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Willy Care Kit

$17.22 from Amazon »

If your name isn't William, and you don't need a gift for a dude named William, I can't imagine why you'd buy a Willy Care grooming kit. I mean, I know it's a common name and all, but are there really enough Willies out...

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Largemouth Bass Slippers

$15.99 - $22.69 from Amazon »

Good news, pescatarians! They've finally started making slippers out of fish - check out these largemouth bass slippers! - so you'll have something to wear while everyone else dons their bunnies, piggies, chickies, and...

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Book of Things Better Than Boobs

Sold Out from Amazon »

Part of me wants to tell you what's inside the Book of Things Better Than Boobs so you'll get why it's so brilliant, but part of me wants to let you find out for yourself so you'll experience why it's so brilliant. I...

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Prank Magnetic Bumper Stickers

$3.99 from Amazon »

My friend Cornelius put one of these prank bumper stickers on my car the other day, and even though I realized it was magnetic and therefore easily removed shortly after retracing my drive to the soft-serve ice cream...