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Polaris RZR XP 1000

By: on August 07, 2013
$19,999
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Even though the Polaris RZR XP 1000 is obviously a gnarly off-road beast, the first words that come to mind when I look at it are "dune buggy." What a sissy name for any legitimate form of motorized entertainment. A dune buggy isn't what a testosterone-jacked adrenaline junkie would use to barrel with 107 HP through mud and up jagged terrain. It's what a helpless little baby with a blanky and the spice melange would use to trip out and travel through time. And "all terrain vehicle" represents only a slight improvement, sounding all stuffy and pocket protector-like. Shortened to ATV it's not so bad, but still not an adequate match for the likes of "supercar" and "crotch rocket."

I guess they can't call Polaris' 2014 release a "bulldozer" because we already have an entirely different genre of vehicles that have claimed that title...but how about...how about a bullshit dozer? As in, Go ahead and lay down some bullshit shrubbery or some bullshit loose gravel ascending a steep incline or some bullshit Do Not Enter signs. 'Cause the RZR XP 1000 will take one look at your bullshit geographical formations and your bullshit rules of the (not) road and doze right over that bullshit.

With surprising smoothness and comfort due to its Walker Evans anti-bottoming needle shocks and 16"/18" front/rear travel suspension system.

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The TRON Light Cycle

Discontinued

Yeah, it costs more than twice the country's 2011 median income, but two little words make it worth every penny: Street. Legal. If you can convince the bank, or your mom, to spot you the cash, a living, breathing replica...

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RYNO One Wheel Motorcycle

$5,295 from RYNO Motors »

Ever wanted to pop a perpetual wheelie? Well get ready, 'cause RYNO Motors is in production and set for the 2012 US release of two tiers of its self-balancing, single-wheeled, shit-stirring beast of a motorcycle. OK...

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$34.95 from Amazon »

I wonder if the BumpShox bumper guard protects the cars you bump from damage. If so, I'm definitely getting one for mysel...my future wife, She-Ra: Princess of Power. She, uh, failed parallel parking in her driver's exam...

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$50k from Hoverbike »

The Hoverbike is what happens when one really wants to be a superhero, but really needs to figure out a way to more efficiently herd cattle. Aussie Chris Malloy has created a prototype for this motorcycle-helicopter hybrid...

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Patriot Campers LC79 Super Tourer

$90,660 from Patriot Campers »

The Patriot Campers LC79 is perfect for Christmas Eve when my girlfriend starts freaking out that she forgot the fresh thyme for her stuffing--"and it has to have fresh thyme! It has to!"--and asks me to run out to the...

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BW650 Motorcycle

You might have seen Daryl Dixon riding around your TV on a Classified Moto build. And like their Walking Dead Motorcycle, the company's BW650 is a stylized, sick, and even sexy beast....

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Jeep Adventure Tires

By: Jeep »

If you thought nothing could beat off-roading on the weekends, imagine this: off-roading on-road during your weekly commutes and leisurely drives around the 'burbs. Jeep Germany's new Adventure Tires, on sale starting...

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ViperSwiper Side Window Wiper

$19.99 from ViperSwiper »

Your car comes ready to sssswipe the rain and fog off your front windshield, game to sssswipe it off the back, but what about the vissssibility and blind sssspots at your ssssides? ViperSwipers are poly-rubber strip side...

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Knight XV Fully Armored SUV

Conquest purports to marry "ultra-luxurious" with "fully-armored" in its forthcoming handcrafted SUV, the Knight XV. Historically, this type of marriage has not ended well (see: the reigns of Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette;...

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Pocket-Sized Grappling Hook

$34.95 from CountyComm »

One more Bat Toy for my Bat Toy Box! This pocket-sized tube that adeptly screws into a grappling hook was originally produced by EDO Robotics in response to a desert warfare operator's request for a lightweight, reusable...

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Talelight Modifiable Digital Bumper Sticker

$129.85 from Amazon »

In America, there is no better way to share your love, hate, political leanings, religious beliefs, and philosophical musings than the rear end of your car. (Well, except Facebook.) Talelight makes bumper sticker expressionism...

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Polaris Sportsman WV850 - Airless Tire ATV

$14,999 from Polaris »

We previously saw the RZR XP 1000, another feral vehicular pursuit by Polaris. It's more of a brutish, free-wheelin' dozer used for good times barreling along the off-roads and across jagged terrain--an ATV stallion....