$21.22 from Amazon »

Let's be clear: it would be a supreme a-hole move for someone to use a homemade TV-B-Gone to shut off the women's beach volleyball game I am watching at a bar. Obnoxious and unacceptable. However...were I to use my DIY universal TV power remote to click to black their all-tied-up World Cup game with... [ Read more ▸ ]

The Best Gifts For Seeking Revenge on Frenemies

I learned my most important lesson about frenemies from The Golden Girls. It's that sometimes passive aggressive words and social interactions aren't enough. It's that sometimes I need my frenemies to throw a party. Invite...

If you're reading about the best 80s toys you can still buy, you're probably indulging in nostalgia, and thinking things were way better in the 80s than they are in the 2010s. I don't disagree, but I will say one thing about today: if it weren't for the global and online marketplaces, plus the technology...

The Chaos Machine

$39.95 from Amazon »

Chaos is an area of mathematics that studies complex systems and the mind-blowing effects seemingly small, inconsequential changes can have on them. Dr. Ian Malcolm used one example of the Chaos in action, the Butterfly...

DIY Vasectomy Kit

$11.99 from Amazon »

Sweet! This DIY Vasectomy Kit should save me hundreds of dollars. Plus, the projected recovery time is a couple days longer - more if my wife screws up - so I'll be able to take off the whole first week of the NCAA tournament...

The Backpod

$68.88 from Amazon »

Have you gotten the new iHunch yet? The Backpod is a tool developed in New Zealand (so it's Kiwi green, naturally) to relieve the back and neck pain, headaches, and poor posture that can result from the hours we spend...

1980s Slang Chart Poster

$24.07 from Amazon »

While this 1980s Slang Chart poster gives me a happy jolt of nostalgia on a gray and sluggish morning, it also makes me feel elderly and moderately embarrassed. Not only do I know every single word the chart points out...

Allwood Kit Cabins

$3,400 - $34,900 from Amazon »

Allwood Kit Cabins may be no more than glorified playhouses to some, but given that I haven't found a place to put (or the money to buy) my Honomobo Container Home yet...it's time to glorify me a playhouse, baby!...

Pocket Shot PRO Arrow Slingshot

$12 from Amazon »

Pocket Shot ups their slingshot game with the Pocket Shot Pro Arrow Pouch. Where the original slingshot reinvented shooting with a stretchy pouch that fires steel slugs, marbles, .4 cal paintballs, and Airsoft ammo, this...

Stranger Things 6-1/2' Tall Demogorgon Yard Sprinkler

$59.99 from Amazon »

The Stranger Things Demogorgon may have only had abduction and murder in store for the citizens of Hawkins, Indiana in 1983, but this is 2019. Age of sensitivity and cultural understanding. Now all the Demogorgon wants...

Men's One-Piece Thanos Swimsuit

$35.99 from Amazon »

Thanos may finally get his wish of wiping out half the world's population if enough dudes don a men's one-piece Thanos swimsuit this summer. And I thought the ladies' version was disturbing. But I guess as the great Titan...

Boob Cube

$8.99 from Amazon »

The Boob Cube is for idiots. And for geniuses. And for idiots who want to convince people they're really geniuses. And for geniuses you want to make feel like idiots. So, yeah, pretty much an ideal gift for any person...

Over-the-Sink Dish Drying Rack

$155.55 from Amazon »

This over-the-sink dish drying rack is a 2-tier space saver with a side of storage and organization. A real multi-tasker that does it all with poise and elegance. Sound like any maternal figure you might know? One who...

Tirecockz Prank Tire Valve Stem Caps

$11.99 from Nordic Offroad »

Ain't no practical joke more practical than Tirecockz. The ridickulous penis tire valve stem caps will humiliate your friend Cornelius (more than driving a Dodge Neon beater already does) but still protect his valve stems...

Coffee Pot Mug

$18.13 from Amazon »

Hey, this mini coffee pot mug looks like what I want to do with the full-size coffee pot every morning! Called the Cupa Joe, Barbuzzo's shrunken version of the classic brewer's vessel is a spot-on replica, with the exception...

What Is This Thing?

$8.95 from Amazon »

Welcome to What Is This Thing?, a photographic feature of a puzzling product I invite you to spend a minute or two pondering when your brain needs a break from pondering more critical life issues, like whether or not...

Chicken Harness

$15.99 from Amazon »

Excellent. This puts an end to the age-old question, Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. Because its responsible owner harnessed that little clucker up to keep it in check...

Buddha Beads Self Defense Necklace

$25.99 from Amazon »

Huh. Not sure how Buddha would feel about people co-opting his peaceful name and beads of spiritual exploration and meditation to make a necklace for whacking an attacker upside the head. But I can kind of see where Phoenix...

Tenga Easy Beat Eggs - Men's Portable Pleasure Devices

$6.57 - $9.73 from Amazon »

You know what they say: if you can't beat the egg, let the egg beat you. At least that's what I'd guess they say around the Tenga Easy Beat Egg production line. From the same Tenga that brought you the Flip Hole male...

Aquor House Hydrant

Sold Out from Amazon »

Scorching summer day. Lounging on the patio. Gazing at the lawn. What's missing? Hose, hose, hose. And a water outlet pimped out with an Aquor House Hydrant. Because the grass meeting your gaze is brown, and the marigolds...

Refrigerator Coffee Table

Sold Out from Amazon »

This refrigerator coffee table is probably a Sobro cooler coffee table knockoff, and it's not a whole lot cheaper, but if you prefer the color and design to what's available elsewhere, the features and functions will...

Windmill Watermelon Slicer

Sold Out from Amazon »

Oh, Windmill Watermelon Slicer, not since the Chef'n Cob Corn Stripper has a kitchen tool made me so excited for summer's bounty. Ah, I remember the summer of 2016. I must have eaten a hundred bushels of corn. With the...

Steel Self Defense Bracelet

Discontinued

Self defense or self-inflicted injury? Swingin' 'round this full steel bracelet like a chain whip without really knowing how to swing 'round a chain whip, it could really go either way...

Hands-Free Wearable Mini Fans

$11.96 from Amazon »

Technically these hands-free wearable mini fans are suitable for anyone who wants to stay cool when it gets hot. But I think we can all agree there's one person in particular the air-circulating neck wraps are made for:...

Big Boobie Beach Ball

$11.33 from Amazon »

The entirety of the Big Boobie Beach Ball's product description reads as follows: "Hit the sand and bat around the Big Boobie Beach Ball. Looks like the real thing and holds up to hard play."...

Why I Must Have Sex with You Checklist

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Hmmm. Not sure if a Why I Must Have Sex with You Checklist clears the meter o' political correctness these days, especially since it's presented as a notepad that would sit perfectly on one's desk at the office. The requests...

Cannabidiol, or CBD Oil is a legal alternative extracted from cannabis that is being used to treat everything from anxiety to arthritis pain. Unlike THC, CBD Oil doesn't give the user any noticeable head high but can ease the feelings of anxiety and pain many people suffer. It's being billed as a...

Refrigerator Door Lock

$12.95 from Amazon »

I like how the people who sell this refrigerator lock advertise it as a good way to secure sensitive medications or other restricted items, especially in public places like schools and hospitals, but every person who's...

Android MK802 Mini PC

Sold Out from Amazon »

AKA The Other $35 Do-It-All Computer. Running Android 4.0, the MK802 Allwinner A10 Mini PC is about the size of a flash drive and, also like your favorite USB storage device, enjoys being plugged into things. HDMI inputs...

Crosman Pioneer Airbow

$653.49 from Amazon »

If you're a big game hunter living in Arizona*, you are Crosman Golden. It's the only state in the US where there's a season for pursuing just about every species of big game on the Crosman docket with the company's forthcoming...

The Right Cup - Brain-Tricking Flavored Cup

$27.95 from Amazon »

Brain-tricking and NKOTB-approved, The Right Cup is a scented and slightly flavored water cup designed to engage your senses in a way that will make you think you're drinking sweet and fruity water when all that's inside...

If you want to know about the best projectile launchers, you're probably getting ready to orchestrate a cubicle warfare offensive at work. Or maybe you just need some new catapult- and slingshot-shaped desktop toys. Or a no-fail gift for a man. You'll find all of those projectile launchers here...

Programmable Mouse Jiggler

$20.38 from Amazon »

It's a professional jiggler! No, not Santa Claus. No. Not a stripper. This is a Mouse Jiggler. And it's got nothing to do with bellies and boobies. Though, like the belly and boobie jigglers, the Mouse Jiggler is here...

Flow Hives Langstroth-Style Cedar Beehive

Sold Out from Amazon »

B**ch is always gonna have your honey with a Flow Hive, because this Langstroth-style cedar beehive can be summed in 3 words: Honey. On. Tap...

Radio-controlled tanks that fire actual BBs? Glass sliding doors beware. These RC tanks, which I don't even know how they're allowed really in this day and age but I'm glad they are, are modeled after some of the most iconic tanks utilized in our most iconic wars...

Oral Me Thong Underwear

$12.99 from Amazon »

This isn't the first time a thong has been compared to dental floss. But with the Oral Me thong underwear, ladies might be more inclined to accept, maybe even champion, the connection. Because here it's not about some...

Sometimes, actions speak louder than worries. Putting together a Kim Jong Un nuclear attack preparedness package doesn't just give us something to do besides sit around and worry about North Korea launching missiles and dropping bombs on the US, it's a good way to solidify our readiness for any disaster...

Segway Ninebot Electric GoKart Kit

$639.99 from Amazon »

I gotta give Segway and their Ninebot Electric GoKart Kit some credit. Not only does this company persist in releasing new products despite being the butt of so many jokes - from Segway tours to mall cops to George W...

Willy Care Kit

$18.94 from Amazon »

If your name isn't William, and you don't need a gift for a dude named William, I can't imagine why you'd buy a Willy Care grooming kit. I mean, I know it's a common name and all, but are there really enough Willies out...

Tungsten Sphere

$249 from Amazon »

I'd call the Tungsten Sphere a desktop toy, but given its high density--at just about 2" in diameter the sphere weighs over 3 pounds--I'm not sure how much fiddling or stress-relieving palm rolls you'll be able to do...

The Baby Shusher

$34.99 from Amazon »

Either the Baby Shusher shhhhhhh-ing machine is a Nobel Prize-caliber invention, or the baby in that video learned in the womb how to be an Oscar-caliber actor. Arrrgh, that sound, that wailing. I can't think of a noise...

Mini CCTV Screw Camera

Sold Out from Amazon »

It's a screw cam! No, not that kind...well. What you use it for is up to you, I guess. But I'm calling it a screw cam because this miniature CCTV camera looks like the piece of hardware--a simple screw just minding its...

Icky Stick Smooth Smoking Hand Pipe

$49.99 from Amazon »

I don't like the Icky Stick just because I get a kick out of its branding schtick. I mean, that's the biggest reason, but so too am I interested in this hand pipe's claim that it has been "specially designed to provide...

Golden Boy Pool Float

$49 from Amazon »

Who wants a ride on the Golden Boy? Don't worry, when you put your lips to this pool float's inflation nozzle you'll see it swells to a formidable 79 inches long (holy crap, Ron Jeremy!) with an extra thick construction...

Hydrogen Reactor

Sold Out from Amazon »

While it sounds like something Batman would be called upon to save the world from, Brunton's Hydrogen Reactor is actually an innocuous, albeit robust, deliverer of power to portable devices. It's a piece of scientific...

DrivewaySpike U-Turn Deterrents

$39.95 - $44.95 from Amazon »

Is this a real problem? Or rather, is it such a big deal? People using your driveway as a turnaround. Cars getting lost or going one street too far and pulling into 20' of your pavement to correct their mistake. Since...

Shuh Duh Fuh Cup Unicorn Mug

$13.97 from Amazon »

Who better to deliver the message than a unicorn? No, a-hole, it's not a mug, it's a Shuh Duh Fuh Cup! With a side of rainbows, stars, and two giant birds...

World Champion D*ck Trophy

$9.15 from Amazon »

If you've already awarded someone the Golden Douchebag Trophy, here's a World Champion Dick Trophy to hand out to the second (or newest) biggest jerk you know...