Gear

Pinokio Robotic Desk Lamp

I'm not really sure what the point of Pinokio the robotic desk lamp is. Like, I'm not even sure he lights up or provides any practical desktop service at all. But look how cute. He's like a cautiously inquisitive little...

Carbon Fiber Daggers

$78 - $99 Carbon Fiber Gear »

The Escort series of carbon fiber daggers is not meant for cutting. It's meant for stabbing. That statement did not even stem from my powers of deduction, but directly from the manufacturer's literature. Aerospace grade...

Almond+ Touchscreen WiFi Router

$99 Securifi »

Almond+ precursor Almond (no mathematical symbol) currently holds the number one wireless router position on Amazon in terms of sales, customer reviews, and total gigabytes rushed in a single season of fantasy football...

Swig & Puff Flask

Discontinued

A swig here, a puff there, a puff here, a Chug! Chug! Chug! there. And none of those big globe or skull ice cubes to get in your way of downing the whiskey when it's flowing freely from this 2-in-1 flask and cigar holder...

Ultrasonic Travel Humidifier

Sold Out Amazon »

Cool kids don't pack heat, they pack humidity. With the aid of any standard screw-top water bottle, the Air-O-Swiss Travel Ultrasonic humidifier will pump your hotel suite or Aunt Jan's spare bedroom full of revitalizing...

Batman Keyboard Stickers

$11.80 Etsy »

While my ideal Bat Key would start the ignition to a Batmobile, I guess one that makes an X on my computer screen will suffice until I raise $620,000 and learn how to drive a stick. Etsy artist Anya's Batman Keyboard...

Ninja Blocks Ultimate Tech Warrior System

$199 NinjaBlocks »

The only thing I know about Hackers is that Angelina Jolie makes a hot one, but according to Ninja Blocks, that's enough to qualify me for the job. Of a hacker, not Angelina Jolie. Though I could probably pull off the...

DIY Kits

$19.75 - $23.75 Technology Will Save Us »

How curious it is that some people like to spend hours doing themselves what I could accomplish in a 20-minute, $20 trip to Target. DIY speakers? A DIY synth? No, no, here's the best: DIY LED greeting cards. You know...

22" Guillotine

Discontinued

If you thought the famously-reviewed Amazon Banana Slicer was the lone solution to your banana-cutting predicament, have I got a 22", tropical-fruit-whacking guillotine for you. Though originally used to decapitate humans...

RuffBowl - Poop, Drink & Be Merry

$8 Ruffbowl »

Before delving into RuffBowl specifics, I will share some fun facts about the French. Parisians love their dogs. The ratio of dogs to people in that city is 1:7. But they don't love cleaning up after their dogs. In fact...

Dine Ink Pen Cap Utensils

Sold Out Amazon »

Too bad no one thought of this Dine Ink Pen Utensil Set 20 years ago when people still used pens to perform office tasks. Also too bad no one thought to name them Bite 'N' Write, which is far more memorable, clever, and...

I Park Like an Idiot Stickers

Sold Out threadless »

I Park Like an Idiot stickers have two outstanding selling points. 1) Applying one to the bumper or window of a deserving vehicle will give its user an instant boost, likely eliminating the crankiness and ill-will evoked...

Get Sh*t Done Poster

$26 - $36 Startup Vitamins »

Aaron Levie, co-founder and CEO of cloud company Box, has discovered the key to success, and endeavors to share it with us. On a poster! Want to achieve? Then Get. Shit. Done. I wonder how much money seller Startup Vitamins...

Fruit Infuser Water Bottle

$35.99 Amazon »

People think I drink only Kool-Aid and sodie pop because I'm immature and unrefined, but really it's because water is such a yawn. I need the excitement and intrigue of carbonation and colors insulting to nature in my...

Electric Nut Butter Maker

$89.88 Amazon »

To illustrate what awaits future owners of a Nut Butter Maker (i.e., my mama), I have included photos of some of the pulverized-peanut-themed treats I would like to have made for me. From left to right, they include:...

HAPIfork - The Smart Fork

Discontinued

WARNING: Eating too fast leads to poor digestion and fatness. Well. HAPIfork sure has the Appeal to Fear propaganda technique down. Their marketing team must have studied under my grandma. That said, indigestion and fatness...

Lomography Smartphone Film Scanner

$59 Lomography »

Strapping young buck that I am, I had to look up what 35mm film is when I heard all the ruckus about this Lomography Film Scanner that transfers photos from 35mm negatives to smartphones. Apparently 35mm film is an ancient...

PenCam Spy Video Camera

Discontinued

No, I'm afraid you can't borrow my pen, sir. I'm using it to record you cuddle monkeying around with that 24-year-old boob job who I'm pretty sure isn't your wife so that I can blackmail you for the approximate cost of...

Radiation-Proof Banana Handset

Discontinued

You've always known bananas are healthy, but did you know holding one against your face can prevent brain tumors? Apparently, you can also use them to communicate with your mother. The Radiation-Proof Banana Handset for...

World's Smallest MP3 Player

$33.90 Amazon »

An update of theKube, nano MP3 player newKube debuted a few days ago at the 2013 Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas. Improvements to the previous model are based on user feedback, and include an inbuilt equalizer with...

tic - Threadless Button Mender

$7.20 tic »

Gone are my days of ceasing to wear a shirt that has lost a button until I remember to take it with me to my parents' house so my mom can fix it while I suck down everything in their refrigerator and kitchen cabinets...

Trongs - Finger Food Utensils

Sold Out Amazon »

Obviously I like eating with my hands. It goes with the territory of being a man. Buuut...I really hate when BBQ and Buffalo wing sauce get under my fingernails and into the cuts I have from doing manly things with my...

Dual iPhone-PC Keyboard

Sold Out Amazon »

Omnio's WOW-Keys merges the PC/Mac world of full-size QWERTY with the iPhone. Type on the keyboard to input text into an iPhone, or to give commands to a computer from the iPhone. Or just use it as a standard desktop...

Android MK802 Mini PC

Sold Out Amazon »

AKA The Other $35 Do-It-All Computer. Running Android 4.0, the MK802 Allwinner A10 Mini PC is about the size of a flash drive and, also like your favorite USB storage device, enjoys being plugged into things. HDMI inputs...