Skillet Bacon Jam
/skillet-bacon-jam-on-burger-3621.jpg "Skillet Bacon Jam on Burger")
- Taste No. 5 Umami Paste - $20.06
- Bacon Hot Sauce - $11.45
- Bacon Soap - $5.83
- Bacon Popcorn - $7.88
- Bacon Toothpaste - $9.99
Know what sucks about a bacon cheeseburger? OK, besides nothing. What sucks is when you sink your teeth into its crispy-juicy tag team of flesh, and the bacon doesn't break cleanly. When an entire, mayonnaise-laden strip slides out with a single bite, forcing you either to reassemble the mess of meat, or eat the pork magic on its own, thus leaving its bovine compadre bereft of the bacon adornment that escalates it to an otherwise unachievable level of Fucking Delicious.
Fellow slaves to swine's candy over at Seattle food truck Skillet have lived this nightmare of suckage themselves. Enough times that they committed to fighting back. To retiring to their culinary laboratory for as long as it took to devise a solution to the dilemma of non-malleable bacon. And when they emerged, it was with the second coming of swine: Bacon Jam.
Bacon Jam is a spreadable condiment made from real live (but dead) pigs. None of this bacon "flavored" or "essenced" BS--Skillet takes Niman Ranch bacon, and renders it down with onions, balsamic vinegar, and spices, before letting these Avengers of the edible world simmer for hours into a smoky, tangy, savory, and slightly sweet titan of the palate. Honestly, calling it a condiment is an insult. On sandwiches, in dips, in omelets, on a giant spoon, Skillet Bacon Jam isn't an accent to the dish, it's the reason the dish--the reason those moments of your life, period--carry any pleasure or meaning at all.
Oh yeah, and it slathers evenly, comprehensively, perfectly on a hamburger bun, infallibly coating taste buds with every single bite.
DudeIWantThat.com is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more.
Bacon Condoms
Bill Gates, you put out an open call. You asked for the "next generation" in condoms. A design that will revolutionize safe sex practices by making the peen sheaths more desirable to wear. Men and birth control in third...
/pringles-flavored-instant-35228.jpg?mode=crop "Pringles-Flavored Instant Ramen Noodles")
Pringles-Flavored Instant Ramen Noodles
Pringles-flavored instant ramen noodles are coming! And! And! Ramen-flavored Pringles potato chips are coming! In honor of Pringles' 50th anniversary and Super Cup's 30th anniversary, the brands have teamed up on a mashup...
8lb Bag of Cereal Marshmallows
I must have stumbled upon the end of a rainbow because Jack. Pot. My days of spending 15 minutes crouched over my cereal bowl picking out all the boring healthy* brown bits from Lucky Charms are about to be as over as...
/the-peanut-butter-pump-37241.jpg?mode=crop "The Peanut Butter Pump")
The Peanut Butter Pump
Peanut butter that's unspreadable, or tears apart my sammich bread / crumbles my cracker during application isn't that big of a problem in my life. I mostly eat it by the spoonful, or pointer fingerful, out of the jar...
/Bacon-Flavored-Lube-1413.jpg?mode=crop "Bacon Flavored Lube")
Bacon Flavored Lube
When we, collectively as Americans, stumble onto something that catches on with the unintelligent majority, we immediately begin the process of running it into the ground. See: The Kardashians, Myspace and... bacon flavored...
/tactical-bacon-6897.jpg?mode=crop "Tactical Bacon")
Tactical Bacon
I don't really like to shoot to kill--less due to the ethics of felling a majestic beast than the fact that blood and rigor mortis make me squeamish--but I think if given the choice between taking down a deer or taking...
Breakfast Sandwich Maestro
5 minutes to a breakfast sandwich. No drive-thru on earth can beat that...mainly because of the whole leaving the house and driving to the drive-thru portion of the equation. Otherwise I guess most of them could. If there...
Tetris Sandwich Cutter
What can I say about the Tetris sandwich cutter except that it cuts sandwiches into shapes based on the all-time best of all games of all time? UNO can barely crawl out of its little paper carton in the presence of Tetris...
/18-champion-gifts-for-people-52735.jpg?mode=crop "18 Champion Gifts for People Who Love Breakfast")
18 Champion Gifts for People Who Love Breakfast
If you know someone who champions breakfast (i.e., the most important meal of the day.) If you know someone who's a champion breakfast eater (i.e., won the Baconfest World Bacon Eating Championship.) If you know someone...
ManBuckets
Mmmm. Munching on some spicy coated peas from my Sir Racha ManBucket to kick off Saturday morning. To be followed immediately, or whenever my girlfriend says it's ready, by a bacon, mushroom & cheddar frittata drizzled...
/munch-or-dunk-the-best-chips-36853.jpg?mode=crop "Munch or Dunk? The Best Chips for Snacking & Dipping")
Munch or Dunk? The Best Chips for Snacking & Dipping
Answering the Munch or dunk? question, and scoping out the best chips for snacking and dipping is the only stake I have in this year's Super Bowl. I don't really care who wins the game as long as I win the party. And...
/the-charted-sandwich-board-17639.jpg "The Charted Sandwich Board")
The Charted Sandwich Board
If she's gonna go make you a sammich, you should probably: A) know exactly what kind of sammich you require to avoid receiving, like, hummus & sprouts on gluten-free millet bread; and B) be fully aware of the sammich's...