Zombie Gumball Machine
I hope a hissing zombie with a sinister smile and graying flesh that has 80% rotted into a muscle-fascia-exposing slimy film, who's in the midst of ripping open his own abdomen to reveal a fun and colorful smorgasbord of gumballs doesn't give anyone the creeps. But if it does--and I don't say this as a reverse psychological ploy, I say it in all seriousness--don't scroll down. Juneau Studios' superbly disturbing Zombie Gumball Machine will start looking like a furry white puppy you want to smother in hugs and kisses and belly rubs compared to their I-think-I-just-pissed-my-pants Insane Zombie Clown Gumball Machine. I don't even really have a fear of clowns--though I have been a little wary of them since 1997, when I saw that Michael Douglas movie The Game--but this clown's flayed and contorted face with the bulbous red nose and rainbow wig is a nightmare waiting to happen. Dude, that movie The Game was so good. I haven't thought about it in years, but now I can't stop. It's about this billionaire whose 50th birthday is coming up and he is kind of shrewd and unfeeling and wasting away his life, so his brother buys him this present and then he meets this chick and then people are after them and he spends the rest of the movie trying not to die. It's so good. I need to add it to my pirated downloads queue. Anyway, there's one scene in the beginning where he comes home to his 30,000 square foot mansion late at night and finds a life-size clown doll laying in his driveway. David Fincher was the movie's director, so trust me, the scene is F'd up. I mean, it didn't necessarily make me terrified of all clowns, but it did make me very suspicious of them. And this clown--the gumball one you shouldn't scroll down to if you have any sort of aversion to circus jesters in loud primary colors--is like the clown from The Game times 50 in both the scary department and the making me suspicious department, the latter particularly because he appears to be targeting children and trying to lure them in with his candy-coated gumballs.
Zombie Gumball Machines all stand 4-1/2 feet tall and are crafted and molded from fiberglass. The machines may also be stocked with non-gumball items, such as candy, bouncy balls, and glow sticks. Orders include the zombie, vending machine, and machine stand, but not the gumballs, or the earplugs you'll probably need for the first time anyone walks into your house and sees it.