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Eletrunks "Lifter" Underwear

$28 from Eletrunks »

Though the above video is slightly NSFW, Eletrunks are not a dirty or obscene pair of underwear. At all. The company's demo of their functional, comfort-enhancing, package-adjusting Lifter cord just makes it look like...

YO Sperm Tester for Smartphones

$49.95 from YO »

They've had smartphone attachments that tell you whether or not you're sober enough to drive for years now, so it's only logical YO is coming out with one to tell you whether or not you're fertile enough to make babies...

T.HANKS Thank You Card

$4.50 from Etsy »

'Tis the season of giving, and the season of gratitude. A time to hide presents under the tree, and a time to say thank you for those with your name on them. Or, if you're a cool kid like Allen Bauer, Josh Baskin, Det...

Self-Installing Car Seat

Discontinued

The 4moms self-installing car seat may not be the most sparkly, fun, or pampering gift for new moms to unwrap this holiday season, but it could prove to be the greatest they've ever received. Paired with its watchdog...

Henry Cavendish Himalaya Shaving Soap

$13.47 from Amazon »

This Henry Cavendish Himalaya Shaving Soap prides itself on being made in America, with only real ingredients you can pronounce! It's also big and rich on the lather, and lube-a-licious on the razor for a cushioned and...

Star Wars Wearable Sleeping Bags

$109 from Amazon »

Snuggle up with Darth Vader, take a toasty winter hike with a stormtrooper, or get a proper Wookiee snooze with Selk'bags' latest wearable sleeping bag release: the Star Wars line. Yep, like the company's Marvel Superhero...

CoolKnot No-Tie Shoelaces

$11.97 from Amazon »

CoolKnots are for the kids, the elderly, the disabled, the athletes, and the lazy amongst us. So basically everyone on earth who wears shoelaces and can't learn how, bend over, or take the time to tie them. Or, for the...

Acu-Reflex Massage Sandals

$16.99 - $17.99 from Amazon »

The Acu-Reflex Massage Sandals are an alternative for those seeking release and relaxation from Black Friday shopping and swollen turkey toes without subjecting their feet to the circus o' torture that are Kkika's Rotating...

Bill & Ted Ugly Christmas Sweater

It's the holidays. Be excellent to each other, dudes. I'm using the Bill & Ted Ugly Christmas Sweater to serve as my own helpful reminder...and also to slay all contests when I party on at the 3 Ugly Christmas Sweater...

Lightload Survival Tool Towels

$6.25 from Amazon »

Lightload claims theirs are the "only towels that are survival tools!" So like, for when you're on a third date with She-Ra: Princess of Power, and the waiter asks how spicy you want your Jungle Curry, and you say, "5...

Bluesmart One Smart Luggage

Sold Out from Amazon »

In theory the Bluesmart One is the most versatile suitcase you can drag behind you through the airport terminal and plop down next you at the gate. The piece of smart luggage has built-in niftiness that allows it to connect...

Ruf Retard 907 - Intimate Spray for Men

$44.80 from Amazon »

Oh man, between the Jesus drink markers and this bottle of Retard spray, it's a day of low-hanging fruit in my world. No, more accurately in this case, low-hanging johnsons. No, people who power trip on being offended...

Wahl Pro Lithium Cordless Hair Clipper

$179 from Amazon »

Treat yo'self to a professional buzz, or at least F up your hair using the exact same clippers the pros do with Wahl's Sterling Li Pro Cordless Clipper. Intended for professional use only, but available to anyone with...

ToppCock Silver Odor Neutralizer Gel

$9.99 from Amazon »

I didn't have enough room in the title to add "...for Man Parts." Do you think it would be too offensive to give a bottle of ToppCock Silver Odor Neutralizer Gel to this guy I know at work as an Anonymous Santa gift?...

Safe Eyes Mesh No-Fog Safety Goggles

$28.99 from Amazon »

The dust is kicked up from here to next Tuesday! The fit's hitting the shan! Save yourself from unidentified flying objects! Safe Eyes Mesh Safety Goggles won't help when the figurative dust and fit, or alien-inhabited...

Microwaveable Slippers

$24.88 from Amazon »

Slippers. The most no-fail gift ever. Especially when you can stick them in the microwave to make them magnificently warm and cozy. And especially when they're extra plush and soft to the touch. And especially, especially...

Gripforce Retractable Cleat Ice Boots

$299 from Gripforce »

Where were Gripforce's retractable spike boots when I was taking the banana peel challenge?! The Swedish-designed "Intelligent Winter Boot" intends to stamp out 2 widespread problems with cold weather footwear: 1) slipperiness;...

Marvel Rainbow Bridge Fleece Jumpsuit

I'd say it takes at least as much power to wear the Rainbow Bridge as it does to fight Loki at Heimdall's Observatory and break it. And by "power" I mean long, killer legs and an ass like the shiny, perfect Pink Lady...

Momentary Ink - Try on Your Custom Tattoo

$15 - $21 from Momentary Ink »

I wanted my girlfriend to dress up as the hot chick from Blindspot for Halloween so I could test out these Momentary Ink custom tattoos on her, but she was all, No! Absolutely not! I have a trial starting Thursday and...

My Shiney Hiney Brush Set

$16.88 - $19.98 from Amazon »

Well. I wouldn't argue it isn't dirty. I'm just not sure I care enough to go to the lengths required to make my hiney shiney. I think this cleansing brush set for the bunghole is geared towards women anyway, judging by...

3D Wolf Crotch Underwear

$19.98 from Amazon »

One of the 3 wolves howling at the moon on my T-shirt decided to break from the pack, and lookee where he ended up. I think this positioning works out better for both of us. He gets some privacy, and I get an accurate...

TMNT Paracord Bracelets

$12.50 from Etsy »

When you're in a bind, dangling from a thread, and could really use some 550-strength paracord to save your hide, there's only on thing to do: call on...heroes in a half shell, Turtle Power!...

Ramen Hoodie

$18.99 - $22.99 from Amazon »

Eat it or wear it, that's what my grandma used to say. It was meant to be a threat, but now that I see this delightfully loud and obnoxious Ramen Hoodie, I think I would like to retroactively choose the latter. I'll wear...

Ostrich Rider Costume

$94.40 from Amazon »

Last call for the costume haul! Less than 7 days to pull together your bid for Halloween's scariest / funniest / cleverest / elaboratest. And sexyscariest / sexyfunniest / sexy... What better to help you round it up...