58

HUSH Anesthetic Tattoo Numbing Gel

By: on April 23, 2016
$21.99
Check It Out

Hey, it's not like I'm a puss, it's just that there are certain things in life I don't care for. Pain being one of them. Hush anesthetic gel has some mixed reviews about its effectiveness in creating a joyous barrier of numbness between my skin and the artist's needle during the tattoo application process, but I'm willing to give it a shot.

Or at least I would be if my mama hadn't repeatedly threatened to disown me over the years if I ever got a tattoo.

According Hush, this little bottle of gel will keep tattoo recipients pain-free for up to 4 hours at a time. It is designed to be slathered on both before your first skin puncture and, if you need it, again during the process. Hush will not affect the ink or your body's healing process, and contains no epinephrine or parabens.

The gel itself is not oily or greasy, and applies clear. Ingredients include botanical extracts, such as aloe, chamomile, and green tea, that help reduce inflammation, along with some straight-up epidermal numbing agents that help reduce the urge to wince, grit your teeth, and cry like a baybay.

Check it out

Programmable Tattoo System

$149.99 from ThinkGeek »

NOTE: To everyone who keeps emailing us to reveal "the truth" about this product, please conserve your time and effort; trust us, we are well aware of the month and day on which ThinkGeek released their groundbreaking...

Check it out

Aerogel - World's Lightest Solid

$35 - $55 from BuyAerogel »

Not only is aerogel the world's lightest solid with a composition of 99.8% air (carbon dioxide) and 0.2% silica gel, and not only does it have sick nicknames, such as "frozen smoke" and "blue smoke", but it also has the...

Buy Now

Baby Foot Human Molting Peel

$19.99 from Amazon »

I don't know what medieval witch magic Baby Foot puts in their Exfoliant Foot Peel to produce the skin-molting effects you see before you but, even though it would make perfect sense here, I promise you it's not snake...

Check it out

In Vitro Baby Branding

Ink, sperm and eggs go in, a financially secure future comes out. In vitro fertilization is expensive, and let's face it, so are babies. What better way to offset the costs, and maybe make a little extra (elbow-elbow)...

Buy Now

Toe Separator Socks for Alignment & Relief

Sold Out from Amazon »

Mmm, spread those sexy toes wide! Not just for my benefit, but for your own. Whether you're into yoga, promoting blood circulation and relieving foot pain after a workout, or slowing down the growth of your bunion, the...

Check it out

Momentary Ink - Try on Your Custom Tattoo

$15 - $21 from Momentary Ink »

I wanted my girlfriend to dress up as the hot chick from Blindspot for Halloween so I could test out these Momentary Ink custom tattoos on her, but she was all, No! Absolutely not! I have a trial starting Thursday and...

Check it out

Scented Herb Temporary Tattoos

$18 from Tattly »

Yes, ma'am I do have a tattoo of rosemary on my arm. Wanna smell it? ... No, wait! It's not scratch 'n' sniff, it's.... Yes ma'am, I now have a tattoo of chopped rosemary on my arm....

Buy Now

Fleshlight's Sleeve Warmer (NSFW)

$29.95 from Amazon »

Wait, so there's an alternative to just blowing in it first? This cutting-edge piece of technology from Fleshlight may look like a sex toy for your girlfriend, but it's actually a pleasure enhancement tool for you. The...

Check it out

Cyborg Tattoos

I'm afraid online ordering options for the cyborg flesh treatment have yet to make it to Amazon. In fact, should you want an anatomical anomaly tattoo so whiplash-inducingly realistic and infatuating it gets mistaken...

Buy Now

Forsvarets Hudsalva Swedish Military Balm

Sold Out from Amazon »

Yesterday I showed you Fatworks, tasty animal fat you can use to cook. Today I bring you Forsvarets Hudsalva, soothing vegetable fat you can use to fix up your lips chapped from drooling and smacking at the sight of duck...

Buy Now

ToppCock Silver Odor Neutralizer Gel

$9.99 from Amazon »

I didn't have enough room in the title to add "...for Man Parts." Do you think it would be too offensive to give a bottle of ToppCock Silver Odor Neutralizer Gel to this guy I know at work as an Anonymous Santa gift?...

Buy Now

Neti Pot Sinus Cleaner

$9.62 from Amazon »

The first time someone told me about Neti Pots I thought they sounded like some new age hippie yoga naturopath weirdness. And also kind of gross. Seeing a Neti Pot in person only solidified this belief. Then I tried one....