Application of Sam's Natural Down There Repair fixes two major male discomforts and social embarrassments: chafed crotch and smelly crotch. It can also be used preventatively, thwarting these afflictions from striking down and ruining plans to attend $2 Taco & Tecate Tuesday due to horrific south-of-the-belt odors and an inability to face a barstool after a long day on the horse, tractor, or ergonomic desk chair.
The Down There Repair concoction of coconut, andiroba and macadamia nut oils soothes and deodorizes skin, cooling irritated areas, and freshening those that have fallen prey to humidity and inadequate ventilation. Additional ingredients include carrot seed and tea tree oils for healing, and grapeseed oil for easy, friction-free application (note to self: grapeseed oil is apparently a good, all-natural lube. Use this information to impress girls who are into organic shit.) Sam's Natural points out that Down There Repair is ideal for "those unable to wear shorts during hot and humid months." Ummm...yeah. Not to be a dick, but if your junk stench is so horrific that you cannot even wear shorts in the summertime, I'd maybe consider a radical change in diet or, like, gland surgery, not just a jar of pomade to rectify the issue.