120

Beast Tissue Dispensers

By: on March 10, 2014
$12.99 - $45
from
Check It Out

As some of you may know, tissues provide an alternative to blowing snot rockets or using your sleeve when you have clogged nostrils. Typically they are not worth seeking out, especially if doing so requires standing up or walking into another room, but these whimsical beasts designed to hold your Kleenex and Puffs Plus boxes might make the additional effort worth it.

From Etsy shop Sparkly Pony comes a series of wooden whales, elephants, rabbits, horses, and, best of all, a stegosaurus, to store and dispense otherwise unremarkable boxes of tissue. Available in the nose blower's choice of colors, each beast has been cut, sanded, painted, and assembled by hand. Two coats of glossy latex paint endow the holders with their designers' Sparkly namesake, and also make them easy to wipe free of germs from grubby, snot-encrusted fingers.

Each beast tissue dispenser is stamped, dated, signed, and numbered with its order of purchase.

Check it out

Amabrush 10-Second Automatic Toothbrush

$90 - $113 from Amabrush »

Amabrush says it's the World's First Automatic Toothbrush, but watching the demo video makes me think it's just the first time someone thought to cross a Blizzident with a vibrator....

Check it out

Blizzident - 6-Second Toothbrush

$299 from Blizzdent »

It looks like someone put the inside of a sea urchin on the inside of a mouthpiece, but if Blizzident really works, I wouldn't care if it looked like one of the McPoyle brothers' armpits. I'll be able to brush my teeth--and...

Buy Now

My Shiney Hiney Brush Set

$16.88 - $19.98 from Amazon »

Well. I wouldn't argue it isn't dirty. I'm just not sure I care enough to go to the lengths required to make my hiney shiney. I think this cleansing brush set for the bunghole is geared towards women anyway, judging by...

Buy Now

National Geographic The Photo Ark

$23.79 from Amazon »

Joel Sartore's photographic art encompasses the beauty, splendor, humor, and sadness of the animal kingdom in The Photo Ark: One Man's Quest to Document the World's Animals. Published by National Geographic, the book...

Check it out

Down There Repair

$15.95 from Sam's Natural »

Application of Sam's Natural Down There Repair fixes two major male discomforts and social embarrassments: chafed crotch and smelly crotch. It can also be used preventatively, thwarting these afflictions from striking...

Check it out

Moby Whalers

$145 - $225 from Moby Whalers »

This Moby looks like it wants to chow down on some bottle caps with a quickness. Wonder if the whale's stomach is big enough to hold as many caps as mine is to hold the beers they unleash....

Buy Now

AquaDance Drencher Showerhead

Sold Out from Amazon »

No, I am not showing you the AquaDance Drencher 3-setting 8" curved rainfall showerhead with waterfall mode just because it looks like a vagina....

Check it out

WTF? Icon Prints

$15 - $40 from Etsy »

Santa, you better man up because your sleigh is about to be filled to the gates of heaven with prints of "Batman Puking His Friggin Guts Out" and "Bazooka Whale." I don't know what's more enamoring here: Jann Van Zant's...

Buy Now

Titanium Toothpick

$15.90 - $17.95 from Amazon »

What can you do with a titanium toothpick? Why, dig out that bit of popcorn embedded in your molar as you leave a midnight showing of The Shining, and then...stab the eyes out! of the mugger who waits for dazed victims...

Buy Now

ToppCock Silver Odor Neutralizer Gel

$9.99 from Amazon »

I didn't have enough room in the title to add "...for Man Parts." Do you think it would be too offensive to give a bottle of ToppCock Silver Odor Neutralizer Gel to this guy I know at work as an Anonymous Santa gift?...

Buy Now

Neti Pot Sinus Cleaner

$14.94 from Amazon »

The first time someone told me about Neti Pots I thought they sounded like some new age hippie yoga naturopath weirdness. And also kind of gross. Seeing a Neti Pot in person only solidified this belief. Then I tried one....

Check it out

Know Thy Nuts Soap on a Rope

$14.99 from Movember Store »

I guess the Movember Store's Know Thy Nuts Soap on a Rope looks like a set of testicles. But it also looks like a lopsided butt and a white Grimace from the McDonald's commercials. So it wouldn't just make a great gift...