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Man Hands

By: on April 05, 2014
  • Man Hands
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As Jerry taught us nearly 20 years ago, ain't nothing like a lady with feminine wiles from the neck up and Goliath-sized monstrosities from the wrist down to kill all desire we have to get her into bed. One look at ol' Man Hands tearing into that lobster during a Seinfeld rerun, and the boner I was starting to get from realizing the actress playing her is Pam from True Blood is instantly deboned. I mean, I like a firm grip and all, but I'm not really interested in having an ER report containing the words "penile strangulation" attached to my name.

Anyway, thanks to Perpetual Kid, children who have fallen prey to their parents' mid-90s nostalgia, plus women who want to go out and ensure no man speaks to, or even comes near them, can now wear a pair of latex Man Hands. High-five!

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Nuada Hand Strength Enhancing Glove

By: Nuada »

It's hard to tell if there's a working prototype of the Nuada glove out there, of if the hand strength enhancement system exists only as a concept with renderings. The video, which would be a terrific place to demonstrate...

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How to Live with a Huge Penis

$11.66 from Amazon »

Puberty was a really uncomfortable and difficult time for me. To the point that my mama went out and hired a shrink. At the end of the second session though he put his pen down and said, "Son, you really don't need me....

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Bat Levitating Mouse

Bat, a levitating wireless computer mouse, is currently in the research and testing phases for use in preventing and treating carpal tunnel syndrome, a median nerve dysfunction to which many mouse manipulators are susceptible....

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Freetoo Outdoor Gloves

$12.98 - $21.68 from Amazon »

Men, what can you do with Freetoo's outdoor gloves? An Amazon reviewer says, "I threw several heavy punches at a tree in my yard. And no it didn't feel good on my hand but it didn't damage it at all. If you punch someone...

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ManBuckets

$42.99 - $89.99 from Amazon »

Mmmm. Munching on some spicy coated peas from my Sir Racha ManBucket to kick off Saturday morning. To be followed immediately, or whenever my girlfriend says it's ready, by a bacon, mushroom & cheddar frittata drizzled...

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Heatbuff Keyboard Hand Warmer

$71 from Envavo »

Stuck gaming in the basement with nothing but a space heater and the warmth wafting from your CPU? Boss too cheap to tick the thermostat above 68 at the office? Hands so cold you feel like you're typing with the fingers...

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Sixth Finger Ring

Whooooo wants a FINGERring? Come on, ladies, don't be shy. If you've ever felt like something was missing from your life, here's the perfect opportunity to find out whether or not that something is a 6th finger....

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Severed Zombie Hand Phone Mount

$40 from JONTHINGS »

February 2017 Update: We have received some complaints from readers who purchased the Zombie Hand Phone Mount, but never received it, and are having trouble communicating with its seller. We recommend checking out our...

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Broquets

$39 - $127 from Broquet »

Broquets are cornucopias of real man stuff sent to real men...plus women who don't want no stinkin' roses, and would rather have a vat of hot sauce that puts hair on their chest than a box of chocolates that puts pounds...

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Zippo Hand Warmers

$14.16 - $21.34 from Amazon »

A Zippo in the hand is worth two in the bush (particularly because the latter is a fire hazard, kids). It's true if you need a light, and especially true if your fingers are so frozen they can't even flick one. Zippo's...

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Tiny Hands

$10.99 from Amazon »

Prosthetic hands are pretty popular. These days, even amongst people who aren't missing their own. And here to complete the irregularly-sized-hand gag triumvirate, previously consisting of Man Hands and Finger Hands...

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Iron, Man Ironing Board Cover

Sold Out from Amazon »

One thing I've never owned is an iron. Not that I'm complaining or consider myself deprived. Owning an iron would probably just make me feel guilty about owning an iron and never using it. I mean, my clothes look great...