As Jerry taught us nearly 20 years ago, ain't nothing like a lady with feminine wiles from the neck up and Goliath-sized monstrosities from the wrist down to kill all desire we have to get her into bed. One look at ol' Man Hands tearing into that lobster during a Seinfeld rerun, and the boner I was starting to get from realizing the actress playing her is Pam from True Blood is instantly deboned. I mean, I like a firm grip and all, but I'm not really interested in having an ER report containing the words "penile strangulation" attached to my name.
Anyway, thanks to Perpetual Kid, children who have fallen prey to their parents' mid-90s nostalgia, plus women who want to go out and ensure no man speaks to, or even comes near them, can now wear a pair of latex Man Hands. High-five!