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Halloween Contact Lenses

By: on September 25, 2013
$29.50 - $239.99
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Minions will cower and tremble in fear when they meet the all-powerful GnarledJaggedPlaqueLaden Teeth Eyes! Hey, I get the appeal of colored and themed contact lenses, particularly for Halloween, cosplay, and other costumed events worthy of shaking things up with one's irises. But I already think eyes are scary as all get out--like Anaconda eyes and the eyes of that witch in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and when Nathan Fillion as Caleb the horrific black-eyed pastor stuck his thumbs in Xander Harris' eyes--so why do people have to go and double the quantity of my cold sweat by putting demon teeth in them? Also, these are ridiculous. Ladies, you can buy contacts that will make you look like Selene from Underworld or a lovely blue snowflake. Please don't buy the ones that will send me running even before you point out your 6'4", 240-pound boyfriend whose Rambo costume includes an M60 that may or may not be a prop replica.

Halloween--or everyday, depending on how you roll--contact lenses come in over 100 different colors and styles. Some recognizable favorites include: Link from The Legend of Zelda; Gremlin; Hellraiser; Werewolf; Walking Dead; and Cheshire Cat. Novelty lenses sold by Lens.com are FDA-approved for eye safety.

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Sexy TRON Outfit

Discontinued

Wise shoppers know that when buying a gift, you should choose something for the recipient that you would never choose to buy for yourself. In that vein, this smokin' hot, 12-gauge clear plastic TRON corset lined with...

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Fear Mongering: The 10 Scariest Halloween Masks

The fear factor of these scary Halloween masks lies somewhere between disturbing and spine-chilling. Between nightmares for the night and nightmares for the month. Between Ugh, what is that? and CAN. NOT. UN. SEE. I'm...

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Peeps Eyeglass Cleaner

$14.89 - $18.99 from Amazon »

Chicanery! I clicked on a link promising Peeps under the giddy assumption that I was going to get some marshmallow turkeys or chickies in Santa hats. And all I got was an eyeglass cleaner!...

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Arkham Harley Quinn Costume

Discontinued

Cartoons and reality have met, merged, and are now calling out to your carn(iv)al sensibilities. Sinister, hard-edged, Brooklyn-tongued Harley Quinn makes the likes of animated wet dreams Jessica Rabbit and Holli Wood...

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Other People's Face Masks

$9.99 - $11.94 from Amazon »

Get all 4 of Faux Real's Face (of Someone Else) Masks to swap out throughout the night at this year's Halloween party and kill it as Arya Stark or Jaqen H'gar, or maybe just a generic Faceless Man....

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Life-Size Exorcist Regan Doll

$3,995 from Etsy »

The only thing worse than a Monday is clicking on a link that brings you to a life-size replica doll of possessed Regan from The Exorcist. It just happened to me, and since misery loves company, here you go, dudes. I'm...

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Philippe the Skeleton Lamp

Phillipe the Skeleton Lamp is not the first skeleton lamp I've met (see Glass Skull Tiki Torch, Day of the Dead Skull Lamp). But he's definitely the first skeleton lamp I've met named "Phillipe." Which leads me to believe...

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Waterphone - Horror Sound Effects Instrument

$299 from Amazon »

The waterphone. Those who hate scary movies might call it torture for the ears. Those who love them? Will call it their new favorite instrument....

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Rogue From X-Men Costume

Discontinued

It's The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants' most famous defector in living, non-Anna-Paquin form! This milliskin Rogue jumpsuit is made to order in your choice of kotobukiya with green details, classic with black details, and...

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Melting Bloody Hand Candle

$35 from Etsy »

Now here's a bloody handy gift for Halloween. Bryan Lawrence makes these terrifically creepy candles, you guessed it, by hand, using flesh-colored wax for the outer layers of their fingers and palms, and blood-red on...

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Eidos Superhuman Senses Gear

To determine whether or not Eidos has grounds to call itself "superhuman" I forced the gear to undergo rigorous, yet fair, questioning and testing....

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The Darth Knight

$1,500 from Ebay »

You love Batman, but you're a loyal Star Wars fanboy. Halloween is coming up and you have a difficult decision to make. Can you betray Darth Vader for your new crush on the Dark Knight? Good news. You won't have to. Mash...