MyPakage Keyhole Comfort Underwear
- Long Schlong...um...Attachment? - $25.95
- It Ain't Gonna Spank Itself Womens Stripper Shorts - $14.70
- Alligator Penis Underwear - $11.02
- Andrew Christian Men's Almost Naked Sports Brief - $22.43
- Athletic Support with Straps for Large and Enlarged Testicles - $9.95
- Smile If You're Not Wearing Any Underpants Long Sleeve Shirt - $36.97
While a keyhole connotes something very small into which one inserts something else very small...and then, uh, forcefully twists it 360 degrees clockwise or counterclockwise...I assure you that MyPakage underwear's KeyHole Comfort attribute has only the most pleasurable and soothing of applications for your (surely not very small, probably 98th percentile, in fact) anatomical "key". A notable upgrade from standard underwear, MyPakage's KeyHole is a 3-dimensional internal pouch that cradles the family jewels and eliminates the need for shifting, adjusting, and excusing yourself from A/C-less board meetings and 90-degree summer BBQs to extract the penis congealed to the side of your leg.
MyPakage boxer briefs have the additional lures of:
- A moisture-absorbing fabric combo of Modal (95%) and Spandex (5%) that is 50% more effective than cotton without sacrificing breathability. It also resists pilling from friction, and prevents wrinkles and shrinkage (of the fabric. Just the fabric. Sorry, dudes.)
- A pucker panel. The first thing this feature makes me wonder is why the MyPakage folks didn't call their KeyHole a Pecker Panel, but I guess given the lengths they have gone to create a truly superior pair of underwear, that type of designation might not do much for their credibility. Anyway, the pucker panel is a strip of fabric that enables the removal of all critical seams from prime comfort areas. That is, no PKG wearers will ever find themselves sitting on or rubbing against seams and stitching. The seamlessness also extends to the tag at the waistline
- Hand-stitched zones with expanding seams. These areas receive extra attention to deliver a tailored, ergonomic fit for all body types.
- Two styles--weekday and weekend--and about 2 dozen color choices.