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Middle Earth Map Leggings

By: on February 12, 2013
$11.99
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Control Middle-earth--and likely all male Elves, Wizards, Orcs, Dragons, Dwarves, Ents, and Hobbits--for under $100. You don't even have to enter into battle or acquire Rings of Power. Leave it to Black Milk Clothing to recruit ladies' legs as a mapping medium for Tolkien's famed continent. The Middle-earth leggings will guide wearers on quests to The Hobbiton, Comic-Con, and the very epicenter of every geek's heart.

Though the leggings will be a bulls-eye for despicable beasts, Nazgul, and perhaps even Sauron himself, ladies who understand what Missy Elliott meant when she said, "Rump shakin' both ways, make 'em do a double take," will know how to stun pursuers in their tracks and, from the sage wisdom of Sir Mix-a-Lot, "itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face" them into submission.

Middle-earth map leggings are mostly polyester, with enough spandex thrown in to make them technically wearable by about 15% of the people who probably shouldn't put them on.

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Anatomical Leggings

Been scouring the racks for pants that display your ass as the true anatomical masterpiece it is? Black Milk Clothing's skin-tight anatomical leggings won't just enhance the curves of your posterior, they'll show off...

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Flayed Flesh Garters

Sold Out from Etsy »

Take peek-a-boo garters to the next level: peek-a-boo blood vessels and layers of muscle tissue, courtesy of open-wound prostheses and stocking accoutrements from Etsy's Meaghan O'Keefe. A pair of unpainted latex prostheses...

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Underhill Home - Luxury Hobbit-Hole

$917k from rightmove »

Now that the British Pound has taken its first real hit in recent memory, you might start thinking about buying up some real estate in England. This 4-bedroom, 4,000-square-foot home called Underhill is a steal at $917,000....

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Skirt Length Sluttiness Stockings

Discontinued

While these may not be the definitive measurement for exactly how a lady is feeling, they're certainly guaranteed to provoke some interesting conversation. From "demure" to "dangerous" the Leg's Talk stockings provide...

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Sword Keys

$11.99 from The Key Armory »

It's dangerous to leave the house without a key! Take this set that will also serve as your sword and shield if the gangs...of ants...attack. The Key Armory stocks up fantasy and gaming fans' keychains with iconic swords...

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The Game of Thrones Collection

$40 - $110 from Black Milk Clothing »

The start of Season 4 may still be a few weeks away, but Black Milk's Game of Thrones clothing collection drops in mere hours. Houses Stark, Lannister, Targaryen, and Baratheon represent in an array of nakedness shields...

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Eye of Sauron Fire Pit

$643.38 from Etsy »

I bet this fire pit knows some good ghost stories. What I didn't bet was that Sauron moved his Dark Tower to Canada, where he and his Evil Eye now mostly roast marshmallows and try to taunt Canadians into saying something...

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Mass Effect Clothing

$78 - $92 from Black Milk Clothing »

I know many of you are thinking it, so I'm just gonna put it on paper: the mass effect of Black Milk's Mass Effect body-hugging clothing collection is to effectively give every male fan of the video game series a massive...

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Montana Magica Lodge

$255 from Huilo-Huilo »

Hobbiton meets Harry Potter meets sustainable tourism. Montana Magica is a fantastical mossy lodge situated in a rainforest on the Chilean side of Patagonia, just under the Andes Mountains. It is one of several rental...

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Marvel Rainbow Bridge Fleece Jumpsuit

I'd say it takes at least as much power to wear the Rainbow Bridge as it does to fight Loki at Heimdall's Observatory and break it. And by "power" I mean long, killer legs and an ass like the shiny, perfect Pink Lady...

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Tetris Leggings

Discontinued

And you thought her legs couldn't get any more hypnotizing. Wearing a pair of Tetris leggings basically means slinking around in a second skin of polyester, retro-chic Nintendo graphics, and errant flecks of drool from...

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Lord of the Rings Sauron Armor Set

Discontinued

Antagonist. Necromancer. Lord of the Rings. SRG Armoury brings the darkness and malevolence of Tokien's Sauron to life in this custom-made Full Plate Armor Set. Constructed from 16 - 18 gauge mild steel, all suits are...