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Bulletproof Polo Shirt

By: on January 30, 2012

If the acute fear of being assassinated on the golf course has kept you from swinging your 9-iron too many times to count, welcome to the start of the rest of your life. Breezy, bulletproof, and cleared for the country club, this polo shirt has a 100% cotton exterior, all-weather microfiber interior, and removable anti-ballistic panels in between. It comes in a variety of pretty colors, and three levels of protection: IIA, resistant to 9mm and Smith and Wesson FMJ ammo; II, suitable for fending off .357 Magnums, 38 Supers, and mini Uzi submachine guns; and IIIA, which is happy to give a big F-you to Uzi machine guns, MP5 and MP9 submachine guns, 44 Magnum SJHPs, and all knives. Even the ones that can cut through tin cans. Did you ever think a preppy collared shirt could make you invincible? Or that you would be able to go straight from Alistair and Bunny's garden party to your inner city coke dealer's without stopping home to change into something less pastel?

In 1992 Miguel Caballero was an aspiring designer. And like all good designers, he knew that to be successful, he needed famous people to wear his garments. But Miguel lived in Bogota, Colombia, one of the most dangerous cities in the world. How was he going to get famous people to wear his clothing when all of the famous people he knew of kept getting shot? Ever the practical and resourceful entrepreneur, Miguel did not set out to be the next Giorgio Armani. He set out to be the first Giorgio Armani. Of bulletproof fashion. Today his haute security couture is worn by the likes of President Obama, Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez, and creeptastic Hollywood maniac Steven Seagal, the latter of whom owns the only bulletproof kimono on earth.

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Double Barrel Pistol

$4,400 - $4,950 from Arsenal Firearms »

The AF2011-A1 Double Barrel Pistol is a first on two counts. It's the first ever double barrel semiautomatic pistol manufactured for sale (not available yet, but on deck for Fall 2012). And, after getting a load of the...

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Grizzly 8.5" Magfed Shotgun

$411 from Canada Ammo »

No one has written a Wikipedia article on Dominion Arms' Grizzly 8.5 magfed shotgun yet, and no one has given me a Dominion Arms Grizzly 8.5 mag fed shotgun yet, so all I can really say about it is that from the very...

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Full Metal Jacket Jeep

$106,888 from Starwood Motors »

100 hours to build this beast. Totally worth it. Their words, not mine. Not that I'm calling BS or anything. It's just that I'll never know if Starwood Motors' Full Metal Jacket Jeep is totally worth it or not because...

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AdrenaSuit - Bulletproof & Superpowered

The fit is hitting the shan. The adrenaline dam has busted, and your fight-or-flight response is sprinting at a world-record-setting pace. What does it look like? Are you stepping up? Freezing up? Freaking out? Peacing...

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ScorpionExo Covert Kevlar Flannel Shirt

$129.95 - $140.21 from Amazon »

Kevlar flannel. It's why Kurt Cobain didn't die in a motorcycle crash. Nah. I don't know if Cobain even rode a bike. But if he did, ScorpionExo's Covert Flannel could have helped save his hide if he went down. The shirt...

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SALT Self-Defense Gun

$299.99 - $349.99 from Salt Supply »

Lorenzo Maggiore already figured out how to A-Salt bugs in an effort keep our extermination of insects simple, clean, and green. Now we have a means of SALTing humans, this time in an effort to keep our defense against...

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Super Shorty Shotgun

$705 from Serbu Firearms »

The Super Shorty Shotgun is based on a Mossberg Maverick 12-gauge, and, at an additional cost, is also available in models Mossberg 500, Remington 870, and Lil' Kim. Factory-fabricated with a pistol grip, the Super Shorty...

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The TAC-SAC Rail Accessory

$39.99 from Tac Sac »

Last time me and my friend Cornelius played paintball he kept getting nailed and hiding and whining like a little goat until finally everyone was like, Dude, you need to grow a pair! And he was all, Dude! It's not me...

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Bullet Bouquets

$29.95 - $214.95 from Bullet Bouquets »

Bullet Bouquets. No better way to call them than that. And just as cool as these loaded pots of blooms: gung-ho shooter and artist Anthony Zambai saw the idea for them on Reddit less than a week ago. When the Bullet Bouquet...

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The JerkShirt (NSFW)

Now don't take NSFW the wrong way. The JerkShirt was indeed created primarily for the office (and secondarily for the dinner table). But I would caution against watching the video, illuminating as it may be, within eye-...

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Diamond Armor - $3.2 Million Bulletproof Suit

$3.2 million from SuitArt »

At $3.2 million, Swiss fashion house SuitArt's Diamond Armor has nabbed the title of Most Expensive Suit in the World. The current title. I will obliterate it next month when I debut my Diamond & Adamantium Armor for...

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ZORE X Smart Gun Lock

$95 - $169 from ZORE »

A couple years ago we saw Armatix's attempt to smarten up gun safety with a system that pairs your firearm with a digital watch, allowing the former to shoot only when it is within range of the latter. ZORE has a different...