Virgin Bust Breast Lift Pads (NSFW)
When you see these Virgin Bust Breast Lift Pads do you think the same thing I do? Tune in, Tokyo. Tune in, Tokyo. No? Maybe just because you don't have all the information on the boobie-bettering cones yet. They fulfill their stated purpose* by sending mid-frequency radio waves into the lady's (or dude's, no judgment here) chest to "stimulate deep areas of the muscles behind the bust, helping to reinvigorate drooping breasts that have sagged with age."
And also to get the Tokyo channel tuned in.
This twin set of Breast Lift Pads also includes an EMS booster to increase their efficiency at restoring busts to a virgin state - the booster allows users to treat both breasts simul-ta-ta-neously.
Pads appear to attach to each breast with some sort of adhesive, the effect of which looks in the photos like it's going to help gravity out rather than fight it, especially with those chunky plastic transmitters weighing the units down. But the spec sheet says each contraption weighs just 3.2 ounces each, so, I don't know. If you've got really saggy boobs, and are willing to try anything, I guess go for it. Virgin Bust or bust!
*Allegedly. Along with many - many - other weird Japanese products, my sense is that the Virgin Bust Breast Lift Pads will serve as a better conversation, or kinky sexy time, piece than a tool for lifting sagging breasts.
Raunchy Wrapping Paper (NSFW)
Raunchy Wrap R-rated wrapping paper reminds me of something my lyrical hero Ludacris once said during his guest vocals on Usher's smash hit dance track "Yeah": "I want a lady in the street, but a freak in the bed." This...
/printed-body-flowers-swimsuit-60734.jpg?mode=crop "Printed Body Flowers Swimsuit")
Printed Body Flowers Swimsuit
The Printed Body Flowers Swimsuit doesn't provide quite the same caliber of beach-ready optical illusion as the Sexy Chest Swimsuit, but at least this Jean Paul Gaultier design is more likely to make you drool than gag...
/musch-musch-jewelry-your-41931.jpg?mode=crop "Musch Musch Designs - Your Privates on a Pendant (NSFW)")
Musch Musch Designs - Your Privates on a Pendant (NSFW)
And if you're not into your privates on a pendant, Musch Musch will also hand make (hand job?) photos of your very own penis, vagina, boobies, or butthole into a bracelet, a mug, or, for the ultimate dick pic, a 3D piece...
/the-tata-top-39533.jpg?mode=crop "The TaTa Top (NSFW)")
The TaTa Top (NSFW)
Where was the TaTa Top flesh-colored bikini with nipples when I was having fun with anatomical optical illusions a couple weeks ago? Guess I'll have to retroactively add this eye-(and pants-)popping swimsuit to my Breast...
/crown-nipple-rings-nsfw-50257.jpg?mode=crop "Crown Nipple Rings (NSFW)")
Crown Nipple Rings (NSFW)
Maybe she calls herself a queen. Maybe she calls herself a princess. She's definitely some level of royalty. So I think it's time to bow down and crown her. No, lower. Nooooo...not that low. This crown is for her nipple...
/dirty-pop-adult-pop-up-45168.jpg?mode=crop "Dirty Pop Adult Pop Up Greeting Cards (NSFW)")
Dirty Pop Adult Pop Up Greeting Cards (NSFW)
Hey, look at that. Dick and Titsy are about to pop up out of their...greeting cards? In what is surely the best use of the term since the days of *NSYNC, Dirty Pop has beat off and busted out a set of penis and boobies...
/snow-globe-sweaters-40711.jpg?mode=crop "Snow Globe Sweaters")
Snow Globe Sweaters
Don't be fooled! These here Snow Globe Sweaters are not cozy and adorable winter hats for snow globes. They're cozy and adorable winter hats for nipples! Like the ones on the ends of boobies. I really don't know why they've...
/big-boobie-beach-ball-39820.jpg?mode=crop "Big Boobie Beach Ball")
Big Boobie Beach Ball
The entirety of the Big Boobie Beach Ball's product description reads as follows: "Hit the sand and bat around the Big Boobie Beach Ball. Looks like the real thing and holds up to hard play."...
/after-dinner-nipples-mint-48221.jpg?mode=crop "After Dinner Nipples - Mint Chocolate Boobies")
After Dinner Nipples - Mint Chocolate Boobies
Care for a nip of mint to cleanse your palate? ... And dirty your mind? After Dinner Nipples are mint chocolate boobie treats made in the spirit of After Eight Mints, and molded in homage to mankind's other favorite after...
/boob-pots-nsfw-46881.jpg?mode=crop "Boob Pots (NSFW)")
Boob Pots (NSFW)
A little succulence to display your succulents, anyone? These are Boob Pots. Knocker planters. Fun bag flower displays. And possibly the only thing about them that is as titillating as the Boob Pots themselves is the...
/titty-tumblers-54411.jpg?mode=crop "Titty Tumblers")
Titty Tumblers
Practice your nip grip with a Titty Tumbler from Jasmine Pots. And if you can really take hold of a golden nipple, and drink from its ceramic cup without fully cupping it, then you're ready for some next-level grabbing...
/boobie-beanie-for-50763.jpg?mode=crop "Boobie Beanie for Breastfeeding Children...and Adults")
Boobie Beanie for Breastfeeding Children...and Adults
A child breastfeeding in a boobie beanie: it's the most heartwarming breasticle spectacle I ever saw! Crocheted by Maggie Bass of Maggie's Craft Sale, these Breast Beanies keep all the heat in your wee infant's head...