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Pinky Queen Nipple Lightener (NSFW)

By: on December 04, 2013

I understand that Pinky Queen nipple...pinkener?...is a boobie beauty tincture developed with a female customer base in mind. And I definitely think females with nipples that are splotchy, unsavorily-hued, or look like they've been gnawed on by a kid one too many times should use it. But I feel the real market here, those who could really do us all a service with daily Pinky Queen applications, is men. Specifically, men who gallivant about with their shirts off on a regular basis. More specifically, men who are:

Pinky Queen's beautifying agents discreetly circumscribe a fresh, blushing patina around the nipple area to mask dark spots or uneven patches. It can also be applied to other areas of the breasts, chest, underarms, or privater of the private parts, though usage should be discontinued should rashes, itching, or epidermal rotting develop. Ingredients such as polyvinyl alcohol, Sophora flavescens extract, and placenta give Pinky Queen its brightening powers, as well as a faint fragrance of rose.

Yeah, I said placenta. Well how do you expect to achieve a perfect flesh coloration if you don't use a piece of actual flesh in the tint? Oh come on, don't be so dramatic. I think a little Pinky Queen placenta rubdown is just what you need.

I also think they mean plant placenta.

Though it's a Japanese product, so I could definitely be wrong.

Pinky Queen nipple lightener is a top Dude Novelty Gift pick.

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Big Book of Big Breasts 3D (NSFW)

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F-Cup Cookies

F-Cup Cookies sound like they would be a joke, and they probably are, but for all women with concave chesticular regions and, more importantly, for all the men who have to fondle them, I sure as 2 seconds of motorboating...

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Color My Boobs Adult Coloring Book

$9.99 from Amazon »

Ugh, I am so sick of writing about boobs. Haha...sike! Particularly when the boobs come in so many exhilarating shapes and sizes and practically beg to be caressed. OK, so they're made of ink and paper, and technically...

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Book of Things Better Than Boobs

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Part of me wants to tell you what's inside the Book of Things Better Than Boobs so you'll get why it's so brilliant, but part of me wants to let you find out for yourself so you'll experience why it's so brilliant. I...

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Titty Twirlers Pasties

$20 from Etsy »

Here comes the airplane! Titty Twirlers are propellor pasties that put a twist on the traditional showstopping effect we typically expect the wind to have on a lady's (or dude's, per the video) wardrobe. I mean, Marilyn...

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Boobs Ice Luge

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And you always thought she was an icy bitch because you couldn't get to second base. The Boob Luge puts a positive spin on the cold reality of interacting with women. Also, just like in the good ol' days of infancy, it...

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Yay Cleavage T-Shirt

$21 from Raygun »

I tried to crop out the part of the Yay Cleavage T-Shirt photo that shows the boobily blessed lady wearing it is pregnant, but I think you can still kind of tell. Sorry. I guess the V-neck may technically be intended...

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The Big Coloring Book of Sex Positions

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According to The Big Coloring Book of Sex Positions, "Sex curls our toes, sparks our imagination, delightfully stimulates a multitude of sensations, makes us have funny faces, makes us docile and makes us crazy." Apparently...

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Naked Lady Golf Tees

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If you haven't already injected your Summer 2016 with some 1980s-era hilarity courtesy of the Butt Buoys or Floaty Pants, I have good nudes....

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Temporary Eye Tattoos

$4 from Etsy »

I can't tell if these temporary tattoos are attractive or look like someone taped a doily to your eye, but I think girls will like them, so as a nod to girls, I'm going to award Man Nga Liu's makeup alternatives relatively...

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Pregnant Belly Painting Kit

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I don't know how I feel about painting pregnant bellies for public display. Well, maybe it would be cool if one were painted with waves and then the small human being inside started kicking and fighting to get out and...

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The Boob Scarf

$30 from Etsy »

Breast enhancement surgery is a major decision every 16 year old girl has to make for herself. Why not give the new look a trial run first while at the very same time keeping your neck warm? Don't think that's possible?...