Hardmill Rugged Man Aprons
Hardmill's rugged aprons are made of dudely things like army duck waxed canvas, selvage denim, hand-dyed leather, and copper rivets, plus snakes and snails and puppy dog tails. This is so that when wearing them no one will confuse you for a sissy man or Paula Deen.
The aprons appear to make fine cooking and grilling companions for Alpha males with taste and swagger. As such, women should not wear them.
Unless they are naked underneath.
All 9 variations in Hardmill's line have an adjustable fit for 30" to 40" waists, and a snap hook for fastening. They claim to be fabricated in the USA, but I think it's debatable whether Seattle should be considered the USA or Melmac.