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Zombie Gnomes: Bye Bye Birdie/vipukirves-leveraxe-8106.jpg "Vipukirves Leveraxe")
Honestly, the Vipukirves Leveraxe initially intrigued me because the guy holding it in one of the above photos is wearing black-and-white gloves that sort of make him look like he has a hook hand, and I thought perhaps this...
/the-sledgehammer-of-thor-6382.jpg "BASH Unbreakable Sledge Hammers")
Though he'll probably stick with Mjolnir for wailing on Loki, if Thor were a construction worker I bet he would use one of Wilton's BASH Unbreakable Sledge Hammers. Touted the toughest sledge ever built, BASHes with heads...
/paper-log-maker-7592.jpg "Paper Log Maker")
Look like less of a redneck burning your trash with this handy paper log maker. The deep metal box accepts newspapers, junk mail, cardboard, wood chips, and wrapping paper, but probably not Taco Bell bags because the grease on that shit could start a forest fire or burn down the neighborhood. Once contents have been added a pair of compression handles secured above the box smash them all down into...
/3-day-all-inclusive-zombie-7875.jpg "3-Day All-Inclusive Zombie Survival Kit")
Sick of hearing about the Zombie Apocalypse? Me too. I'm also sick of hearing about how pretty soon my mama's going to kick me out of her house and stop paying for my cell phone bill and all of my chips and cereal, thus forcing...
/t3-tactical-triage-auto-7265.jpg "T3 Tactical Triage & Auto Rescue Tool")
The T3 Tactical Triage & Auto Rescue Tool came forth into the world from the cranial loins of NY City Paramedic Avi Goldstein. Or maybe he just picked it to be part of his online store StatGear's survival inventory. Either...
/giant-swiss-army-knife-6181.jpg "Giant Swiss Army Knife")
F light, low-profile, and practical. I live in the USA. I want the biggest and the best. Even if the biggest and the best means so cumbersome and heavy it makes me look like I have a gimp leg when I carry it in my pants pocket. Despite being based in Switzerland, I bet Wenger sells 90% of its Swiss Army Giants in the USA. Why? Because USA = #1....
/super-splitting-axe-6825.jpg "Super Splitting Axe")
It's not that I don't like trees, it's just that sometimes they really piss me off and I feel compelled to take a few swings at them with my powerful axe. I think this serves as an appropriate warning and encourages them to...
/be-a-hero-rescue-tool-6753.jpg "Be a Hero Rescue Tool")
Be a hero. Everyone's doing it. And even if they're not contemporary society--particularly the media, and particularly the media talking about celebrities--love throwing that word around and assigning it to people who do little...
/neverwet-waterrepelling-5576.jpg "NeverWet - Liquid-Repelling Coating")
1. Check out the video above of a dude dumping Hershey's Chocolate Syrup on a white Keds tennis shoe treated with NeverWet. 2. Be amazed by NeverWet's water-, oil-, and apparent chocolate-syrup-repelling technology. 3. Read...
/reflective-rope-7916.jpg "Reflective Rope")
Which is better: Stargate or Major League? You think about that for the next hundred or so words while I discuss Nite Ize's reflective rope. Outdoorsy types and people who give two thumbs up to bondage will find the reflective...
If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.
And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.
The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.
/grizzly-robotic-utility-7344.jpg "Grizzly Robotic Utility Vehicle")
Maybe the coolest thing about the Grizzly Robotic Utility Vehicle is that it's smaller than it looks. Like, I could sit on it and make it drive me around, profiting from its design as an all-electric workhorse with the precision...
/wicked-lasers-torch-flashlight-4432.jpg "The World's Most Powerful Flashlight")
It's the 21st century. Who buys a flashlight whose only capability is to shed light anymore? When I'm looking for my 1:12 scale Voltron in the attic, hunting zombies in the Ozarks, or self-examining my throat for the white...
/multi-tool-axe-7008.jpg "Multi-Tool Axe")
They're terming Brook & Hunter's axe of a thousand ways to destroy and maim a "garden tool". Yeah, for all the "weeding" I have to do when gangs of Girl Scouts jump me in the grocery store parking lot because I dissed Do-si-dos....
/Bear-Grylls-Ultimate-Survival-Kit-113.jpg?mode=crop "Bear Grylls Ultimate Survival Kit")
This is some real MacGyver shit right here. This kit has absolutely everything. And even though Bear Grylls was found to be a big fake and a liar and a fraud and gay, this survival kit will save your ass the next time you'r...
/american-felling-axe-the-4605.jpg "American Felling Axe")
It's getting to be timber time. Cracklin' fires will soon be calling for fuel. Kindling. Logs. Disembodied zombie parts. And real men--the kind of men who fell trees and split their own firewood instead of buying it at the...
/japanese-pruning-saw-4347.jpg "Japanese Zombie Disposal Saw")
So the official name of this serrated slasher is Japanese Pruning Saw, but I think that's just because online marketplaces whose customer bases are mostly over-compensated, uninformed hipsters and yuppies want to subtly prepare...
/The-Thumbsaver-693.jpg?mode=crop "The Thumbsaver")
Why didn't I think of this? Probably because I've only hammered a few times in my life and it was usually into drywall. In a world of tools born from overdone simplicity, this is actually practical and functional. Protects...
/The-Worlds-Most-Powerful-Laser-100.jpg?mode=crop "The World's Most Powerful Laser")
