Sardine Can o' Zombie Apocalypse Survival

By: on August 27, 2012
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Well I for one would much rather open up a sardine can to find a Zombie Apocalypse survival kit containing 25 items for use in fending solo in the face of the end of days than a malodorous row of actual sardines. This sardine can o' coming out on the right end of the Zombie Apocalypse natural selection process serves hikers, hunters, and Beyonce Knowles-types. You know, those who are survivors. Who not gon' give up. Who not gon' stop. Who gon' work harder. The airtight, waterproof, crushproof can's tabbed lid peels away to reveal a sweet compacted stash of:

  • A compass
  • A whistle
  • Matches
  • First aid instructions
  • A razor blade
  • A pencil
  • Non-aspirin pain reliever
  • A fire starter cube
  • An adhesive bandage
  • An energy nugget
  • A wire clip
  • A reflective signal surface
  • A fish hook
  • A fishing line & spool
  • Duct tape
  • Note paper
  • Sugar & salt (because on the eve of possibly having my brains eaten, I want a well-seasoned last meal)
  • Gum
  • Reclosable bag
  • Antibiotic ointment
  • Tea
  • Safety pin
  • Alcohol prep pad

Now obviously none of these items will aid in combatting or overcoming a zombie attack, but remember, there comes a point in all of our lives where we must put down our weapons, and run like the mother fucking wind. The Sardine Can O' Zombie Apocalypse Survival is here to assist when that day comes.

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