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Monday, August 22, 2011

The Ashera is possibly the only cat that is acceptable for a single male to own. Because it's about the size of an ocelot, and weighs 30 freakin' pounds. And that's 30 pounds of genetically-gifted muscle, not 30 pounds of...

Thursday, July 18, 2013
$55.81 from Amazon »

I've observed my fair share of pet fish poop over the years--both floating at the surface of my aquarium and during the fabrication process as it emerged from its host--and I feel very uneasy at the thought of it serving as...

Friday, August 10, 2012

It's time to play Big Brother to our hermit crabs. No more covert ops in your sea shells, no more partaking in nefarious activities tucked away out of sight. Robert DuGrenier has your number, you sneaky crustaceans. From his glass studio in Vermont, DuGrenier hand blows these translucent crab pads into the precise shape of their residents' spiral formations, ensuring the resultant crystal shell...

Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Sold Out from Amazon »

The one responsibility that comes with owning a Betta fish--aside from not showing it a mirror--is cleaning its bowl semi-regularly, lest the glass should get so grimy as to interfere with your mean-spirited attempts to show...

Thursday, September 8, 2011
$6,500 from Opulent Items »

Fish are smart. Everyone knows this. A fake ceramic treasure chest and plastic plants get old after a few minutes. Enter the labyrinth. A veritable swimmer's amusement park for aquatic life, this will keep your smelly morsel...

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Wow. It's a wonder that Gregoire de Laforrest's Cage Archibird can be so stunningly beautiful, yet also so stunningly the antithesis of sanitation. A bird cage built into a functional table? A table that looks primed and ready for, say, a DIY taco buffet? Ugh. It's almost as bad as cat owners who allow their litter box pee- and poo-footed felines to walk all over their kitchen countertops. G-ross....

Sunday, February 17, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

Betta fish have all the luck. They enjoy a completely acceptable sedentary lifestyle of floating and feeding, they never have to share their personal space with other fish, and now, thanks to Rob Young and Denny Curtis of...

Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Sold Out from Amazon »

Dogs. Always wanting to do everything their humans do. Drink beer. Hog the bed. Hump ladies' legs. And while they've mastered the latter two, minus the times a drunk guest sneaks them a few swigs during holiday parties, dogs...

Monday, November 12, 2012
Sold Out from Etsy »

For the dog: Italian greyhounds seem like fragile, sensitive creatures, so I'm going to let the fact that you're wearing a canine snowsuit with a 270-degree hood drawstringed tightly around your head in this photo slide without...

Friday, October 7, 2011
$30 from SUCK UK »

Everyone suspects that their cat is a pretty decent DJ. But does your cat have what it takes to spin at the big Vegas venues? Could he host a Kardashian party.... the ultimate gig? Don't just throw him directly into the mix....

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

This poor bastard. Not only has the superior dog been relegated to a life of feline subservience highlighted by cats using his face and body to sharpen their claws, but his creator, Erik Stehmann, also named him Lumpi. How...

Thursday, June 14, 2012
$12 from Etsy »

If you can read this I will lick you. A simple metal disk turns dog collar banality into dog collar hilarity. But how many people take the time to rifle through a dog's tags in search of potential witticisms? I think this...

Tuesday, October 11, 2011
$199 from Macquarium »

Let your fish swim free of viruses. It's a no-brainer aquarium setup that even novice fish owners can learn to operate. And, of course, it's very stylish and a bit overpriced. But what else would you expect from Apple?...

Tuesday, February 21, 2012
$20.99 from Amazon »

Add LED lighting, and it seems possible to bring the sexy back to just about anything. Cheap retro watches. House slippers. Even ant farms. In fact, crazy old Uncle Milton purports to start a full-on ant farming revolution...

Thursday, March 22, 2012
$159 from Etsy »

The iconic, transparent Apple beauty that started it all has been reinvented and primed for a cat nap. Revolutionary computer turned revolutionary pet bed--congratulations to Etsy vendor Atomic Attic for their "upcycles" of...

Thursday, January 19, 2012
$899 from Etsy »

Celebrities, Louis Vuitton, and your gold-digging ex have already proven that a $598 pooch accoutrement is perfectly reasonable, so let's not even bother balking at the price of this stylized, Jetsons-looking doggie lounge....

Sunday, November 4, 2012
$7,500 from Moto Art »

The MK-84, a general-purpose US military bomb, is known as the "Hammer." Here incorporated by the incomparably creative and mildly devious MotoArt into an 80" tall fish aquarium, appropriately termed the MK-84 Aqua Bomb, I...

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