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Potato Chip Cutter

By: on April 24, 2013
$238.70
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The potatoes spilling out of this ribbon fry cutter look delicious. For $100 I would eat them raw. I might also eat them raw if I were sure no one was watching. Easy to load, easy to retract and reload, I know once I start spiraling out, frying up, and eating homemade potato chips it is unlikely I will ever buy a bag of Lay's again. It is also unlikely I will ever stop spiraling out, frying up, and eating homemade potato chips. Not until I end up like that guy from Se7en. You know, the glutton. The one the serial killer knocked off via force feeding him, which in turn led to intestinal eruption. Invariably, a potato chip cutter will deliver me the same fate. Damn you, crunchy things!

Nemco's spud slicer handles up to a 70-count potato, peeled or unpeeled, and surface-mounts for both righties and lefties.

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I'm feeling 4th of July withdrawal. No more fireworks to blow up. But I remember potato guns from grade school, and even a giant homemade potato gun my high school physics teacher made that could shoot entire russets...

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Marshmallow Crossbow

Mr. Stay Puft's got nothing on my Mallow Bow. Sure, he can stomp on people, toss cars, and tear down buildings, but I can dole out cavities, high blood sugar, and toothaches. Straight to the kisser from 60' away!...

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MANET French Fry Easy Chair

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MANET says, "Sitting can be playful," which is all the reason I need to buy one of their order-o'-fries-looking Easy Chairs. To prove to my girlfriend that I'm not just lounging around on my ass, I'm being playful....

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Dash Masha 2X

$25.95 from Amazon »

Dash says its Masha-ed potatoes are the doggone fluffiest. And smoothest. And creamiest. The rotor-cone technology behind this mashing machine purees foods ranging from potatoes and yams to guacamole and hummus in under...

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$149.99 from Amazon »

The orange on the Pelematic Peel Pro goes 'round and 'round, 'round and 'round, 'round and 'round, the orange on the Pelematic Peel Pro goes 'round and 'round, 'til aaaallll the ughbittergrossblechblechblech white stuff...

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Philips Digital AirFryer

$215.99 from Amazon »

Philips has its own oil-less air fryer similar to the Big Boss model I previously pointed out will make you less likely to get fat and have a heart attack. Actually, Philips has two AirFryers: a simple version with manual...

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La Salamandra Argentinian Dulce de Leche

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Amongst all the cows Argentina is known for converting to internationally-renowned ribs and steaks there must be a few they keep around and milk for converting into what is apparently also internationally-renowned dulce...

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Heated Chip & Dip Tray

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Yeah I want some heated queso. That stays heated from dip 1 to dip 100. And now that you mention it, I would be amenable to some peripherally warm tortilla chips too. Why is the Heated Chip & Dip tray not a staple at...

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$10.13 from Amazon »

Mmm, from dead fetus to sharp shooter. I'm going to take a shot at loading the Hand Gun Egg Fryer Mold into the Rule of Thirds, as described by my 9th grade English teacher. He said that a third of the people we meet...

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Tri-Blade Vegetable Spiral Slicer

$24.95 from Amazon »

Freshly shredded, vitamin C-packed cabbage. Potassium-rich, low-carb zucchini noodles. Byoootiful seasonal ribbons of persimmon to go alongside your glazed duck breast. And...mmmmm...triple fried curly fries....