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A Hole Paperweight

By: on June 02, 2016

Happy Father's Day, old man. Remember all those times you told me how when you found out Mom was pregnant with me you said you needed another kid like you needed a hole in the head? And then after I was born, and as I grew up, I just kept confirming how right you were? Welp. Here's a hole to commemorate your feelings about me.

And also mine about you.

Fred Conlon handmakes these superb and superbly clever A Hole Paperweights from reclaimed steel in his Salt Lake City, UT studio. Give one to your favorite jerkus majorus, wrap it up as a joke, or just sit the paperweight on your own desk and see how many co-workers filtering through figure it out. It takes one to know one, yeah?

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Pack This! Notepad

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The Dadbag Beer Belly Fanny Pack

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The Dadbag beer belly fanny pack is right up there with the Sexy Chest Swimsuit in its ability to create a fiesta of discomfort, with a few streamers of sick fascination, before my eyes. The Baby Head Masks used to do...

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Largemouth Bass Slippers

$15.99 - $22.69 from Amazon »

Good news, pescatarians! They've finally started making slippers out of fish - check out these largemouth bass slippers! - so you'll have something to wear while everyone else dons their bunnies, piggies, chickies, and...

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The Flying Martha Ornithopter

$42 from Haptic Lab »

The Flying Martha Ornithopter, while sounding both Wallenda and DaVinci in name, is no relation to either. Instead, the wind-up bird is named after a famous Martha. Martha the...no, Snoop Dogg, not you

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The Eviltron

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Combining the ethos that nothing is scarier than one's own imagination with the ethos that creeping someone out to the cusp of a complete mental breakdown is great fun, we have...The Eviltron. That strange scratching...

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If your name isn't William, and you don't need a gift for a dude named William, I can't imagine why you'd buy a Willy Care grooming kit. I mean, I know it's a common name and all, but are there really enough Willies out...

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Anonymously Send Sh*t

Discontinued

If you know a lot of assholes, you know what it's like to deal with their shit. Now, it's time to return the favor. ShitSenders.com enables the shat upon to send steaming piles of Don't get mad, get even to inconsiderate...

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The Chewbacca Journal presents, Wookiee Deep Thoughts: Waag ahyeg ha. Wua ga ma uma ahuma ooma. RRRrrruurgh! Arrggg! Translation: The two best times to keep your mouth shut are when you are swimming and when you are angry....

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Punch in the Nuts Snack Mix

$18.99 from Amazon »

Mmmmm, nothing hits the spot like a Punch in the Nuts. This Punch in the Nuts Snack Mix listing includes 6 nut-punching bags filled with cashews, peanuts, chocolate bits, and raisins. Get ready to whack your taste buds...

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Book of Things Better Than Boobs

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Part of me wants to tell you what's inside the Book of Things Better Than Boobs so you'll get why it's so brilliant, but part of me wants to let you find out for yourself so you'll experience why it's so brilliant. I...