A Geek's Gift Guide of Gadgets, Gear, Novelties and Zombies    * Updated daily
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Friday, May 17, 2013
Weener Kleener Soap
$5.99 from Amazon »

I don't think that's how you spell "wiener" or "cleaner", but I'm willing to overlook the mistake on account of the fact that my penis has been bugging me for its own soap ever since it got the wrong end of a bar I used to wash up my more...

Monday, March 25, 2013
Subtle Butt Disposable Gas Neutralizers
$12.55 from Amazon »

At printing, Subtle Butt Disposable Gas Neutralizers had 14 reviews on Amazon, and every single one of them contained both a serious critical analysis of the product's smell-quelling efficacy, and an insightful comment about the 5-pack more...

Sunday, September 23, 2012
Emergency Drinking Water Storage
$24.95 from Amazon »

If you have an extra bathtub lying around, have I got a deal for your Zombie Apocalypse preparations. The waterBOB Emergency Drinking Water Storage Bladder lines everyone's second favorite bathroom basin and, when connected to the tap, engorges to a 100-gallon reservoir of clean, safe water for drinking, cooking, washing, and, er, flushing should tough, H2O-less times arise. FDA food grade plastic more...

Friday, April 19, 2013
Bathing Bad Meth-Inspired Bath Salts
$15.99 from Amazon »

One time when I was in New Orleans this voodoo lady tried to sell me some bath salts under the guise that they would enlarge my manhood if I soaked in them while listening to Prince's "Sexy MF", but I said, "No thank you, ma'am, I'm more...

Sunday, February 03, 2013
Squatty Potty - Posturally Correct Pooping
$44.95 from Amazon »

"Squatting to eliminate is healthier." Golly I love the Squatty Potty's euphemistic appeal to my sense of self-preservation. Sitting on my porcelain sidekick with my feet resting on a 9" stool, torso pitched forward approximately 35 more...

Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Dude Wipes
$12.99 from Amazon »

Dude Wipes: A Brief Overview of Audience and Application. Dude Wipes are for dudes. And every once in while--say, every 18 to 24 hours--dudes tend to have an especially...explosive...encounter with the bathroom. The kind of rectal projectile experience whose remediation cannot be achieved with standard 2-plys. Not with that snuggly bear cub Charmin shit, and definitely not with the translucent more...

Thursday, January 05, 2012
Fish Aquarium Sink
$4,500 from Opulent Items »

Moving goldfish out of the living room and into the bathroom for a perfect view of what will surely be their place of final burial, down the toilet, seems like an illogical move. That is, until you see this awesome fish aquarium sink. more...

Monday, February 27, 2012
Stack - Infinite Soap Bars
$12.56 from Amazon »

What if your bar of soap's slivered remains could transform from flat to stacked with no hassle, no waste, and no complex procedures or anesthesia? Simply and terrifically brilliant--like so many Kickstarter projects--Stack uses a concave more...

Sunday, October 07, 2012
Heat Sensitive Tile
$33 from Moving Color »

I thought the Heat Sensitive Table was the pinnacle of cool in the realm of thermochromatic commmodities, but this Heat Sensitive Tile has just upped the ante. Inspired by the stunning lights of Alaska, Moving Color's Northern Lights more...

Friday, February 01, 2013
Carbon Fiber Bathtub
$67,500 from Carbon Fiber Gear »

If they were going put the effort into creating a bathtub out of airplane and race car materials, couldn't they have made it look like an airplane or race car? Not that I wouldn't still clamor to spend some QT in Corcel's carbon fiber more...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Back of the Door Cabinet
$129.95 - $199.95 from Hammacher Schlemmer »

It's a Back of the Door Cabinet. Seven words, and my work is done. more...

Thursday, April 11, 2013
The Shower Beer Buddy

I know what you're thinking: who drinks beer in the shower? And I'll grant you, not many people. But in my opinion this sad reality exists only because, until now, the Shower Beer Buddy has not. Because brew enjoyment under a constant more...

Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Friendly Toilet Seat Reminder

When speaking of our health, of preventing the ingestion of fecal matter thrust into the air during the toilet flushing process, is there really a need to mince words? Beat around the bush? Employ euphemisms? Woodpecker Laboratories more...

Friday, March 30, 2012
Bathtub Planetarium
$138.90 from Amazon »

Bathe with the stars! Well, the battery-operated, not the hydrogen and helium gas, kind. Or the Jennifer Lawrence/Ryan Gosling kind for that matter. Still, the Homestar Spa, a planetarium for the bathtub, hot tub, or indoor pool, is more...

Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Rinser - The Water Fountain Toothbrush
$22 from Amron »

My problem is that I'm so busy trying to Think Big that I often forget to Think Rational. Scott Amron obviously does not have this problem. His Rinser Toothbrush, whose tunneled handle serves as a spout that shoots faucet water in a more...

Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Jonny Glow Toilet Illuminator
$12.95 from Jonny Glow »

Installing Jonny Glow strips on your toilet will preclude stubbed toes, bumped knees, smacked elbows, total face plants, and pissing on the cat during semi-conscious orienteering trips to the bathroom in the pitch black of night. The more...

Thursday, September 22, 2011
Wanted Shower Curtain
$20.97 from Amazon »

This opaque white curtain will make your unsuspecting guests crap in their pants when they walk into your bathroom to crap in your toilet. Possible side effects may include... a stroke, heart attack and worst of all... crying. more...

Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Apple iPoo Toilet

As digitial artist and iPoo creator, Milos Paripovic, so eloquently puts it: If you look at a toilet and see the Apple logo, that's commentary on your psyche, not his design. This silver spectacle was lovingly contoured to fit the shape more...

Monday, October 29, 2012
Jacuzzi Entertainment System

La Scala's pimped-out jacuzzi, termed a "Jetted Entertainment Bath", is just another in a long line of life's Catch-22 creations. It costs $40 grand, so if I could convince the bank to give me a loan for it, I'd probably have to work more...

Saturday, October 20, 2012
Valiant Knight Toilet Paper Holder
$50.99 from Amazon »

On guard! This valiant knight is armed with the plush cotton 2-plys that will defend the honor of your innocent underwear from the nefarious infidels of your excretory orifices. I bet his pecs and delts are enormous under that armor more...

Friday, October 21, 2011
Glowing Toilet Paper
$9.99 from Gadgets and Gear »

Who could use a radioactive mummy costume for Halloween? An exclamation point on your next toilet-tissue-themed prank? A beacon lighting the way to your Shit Box? more...

Saturday, February 11, 2012
Viking Boat Bathtub

Rub-a-dub-dub meets Rawwwr, I'll eat your face! in Dutch designer Wieki Somers' Viking-inspired cleansing vessel. If St. Olaf ever bathed, this rich and tasteful tub is where he would do it. Made of oak and red cedar, and fittingly more...

Thursday, May 31, 2012
Guitar Pee - Musical Urinal

Ever had to take a leak so bad you could taste it? Well, thanks to Guitar Pee, you're about to have to take a leak so bad you could piss "Stairway to Heaven". A concept that falls somewhere between baffling and F'in rad, Guitar Pee more...

Tuesday, April 03, 2012
Shitter - Your Twitter Feed on Toilet Paper
$35 from Shitter »

People talk a lot of shit on Twitter. So it was really only a matter of time before the maestros at Collector's Edition fabricated Shitter Toilet Paper, and bestowed the shit talkers with a viable way to put their money--and their asses--where more...

Monday, January 07, 2013
Skull Soap Dispenser
$20 from Etsy »

The soap dispenser is in the shape of a human skull so that when pumping it you can imagine the slippery translucent matter oozing from its spout is brain juice. Coincidentally, this is an actual malady. Brain juice pouring out of the more...

Tuesday, September 06, 2011
Nose Shower Gel Dispenser
$12.52 from Amazon »

Imagine if you will that you're cleaning yourself with a bunch of snot. Hard to imagine? I have the perfect solution. Buy this big fake nose and have your liquid soap (or snot) drip out of it onto your hands so you can lather it all more...

Saturday, April 21, 2012
Zombie Rubber Duckies
Sold Out from Etsy »

Of course he went for the rubber ducky. That blissfully ignorant little bathtub addict Ernie suffered the zombie bite, and then went straight for his floating feathered friend. Maybe it was just to spare Bert long enough to get away, more...

Thursday, August 04, 2011
Dragon Style Toilet Paper Holder
Sold Out from Amazon »

This toilet paper must first pass beneath the smoldering nostrils of the legendary dragon, ruler of the skies, defender of kingdoms, maker of kings, before... cleaning the brown bits off of your butt hole. more...

Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Super Mario Bros. Toilet Seat
$70 from Etsy »

Every Super Mario Bros. Marathon on the Web deserves a Super Mario Bros. Toilet Seat on the head. Etsy vendor Debra Hughes hand paints these porcelain god lids in pixelated scenes taken from the original Super Mario Bros. video game more...

Monday, October 17, 2011
Wood Tub Caddy
$130 from Etsy »

The quandary of how to be both productive and submerged in hot, soapy water is solved. Artfully, with reclaimed oak from Pennsylvania, no less. The Wood Tub Caddy measures 29 x 11 inches and fits most standard bathtubs, though custom more...

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