Bathroom

H2OVibe Showerhead with Bluetooth Speaker

$49.95 from Amazon »

Sure you can suction cup a waterproof Bluetooth speaker to your tile...and hope that it doesn't dislodge and whack you right in that tender spot on the downslope of your foot at the height of "Raining Blood." Or you can...

Shower Surfer Neoprene Bath Caddy

$44.99 from ShowerSurfer.com »

Know what your shampoo needs? A wetsuit. The Shower Surfer is a neoprene shower and bath caddy that secures implements of hygiene without: 1) falling off your shower head pipe and smashing your foot; 2) rusting; and 3)...

Bath Air Pillow Smartphone Holder

The most relaxing part of any soak in the bubble bath is obviously surfing the web to check out stock performances, responding to accusatory emails from your boss, and going over the Excel spreadsheet of chores your mama...

Curvit Shower Space Expander

Sold Out from Amazon »

Curvit is a clip system that holds shower curtains in a concave position, thereby increasing shower space by up to 50%. It's a simple, inexpensive, and discreet solution that arrives pre-assembled and installs in 3 steps...

Dual Jet Bath Spa

$39.99 from Amazon »

Soothe sore muscles, melt away tension, and (ladies) enjoy some alone time with red wine and powerful jets. Conair's Dual Jet Bath Spa fancifies any bathtub into an underwater den of relaxation and personal gratification....

Han Solo in Carbonite Shower Curtain

$24.99 from ThinkGeek »

Welp, depending on who's in the shower, Han Solo might not mind that he's now stuck in both Carbonite and a shower curtain. I mean, I'm sure he's gotten pretty sick of looking at naked Leia over the past 30 years, but...

UFO Soap Dispensers

Runner up to the Alien Abduction Lamp in the category of Best Application of 1950s Era Extra Terrestrials to Common Household Objects: UFO soap dispensers. Duncan Shotton's design plants a spaceship pump atop a neon yellow...

Neon Illuminated Bathtub

$2,400 from GNR 8 »

If Slimer slimed in a bathtub, it would probably look something like this illuminated Jan Puylaert design. Only, like...slimier. But Puylaert's self-standing tubs with built-in neon lighting systems don't look dirty or...

Waterfall Soap Saver

$6.21 from Amazon »

I like this Waterfall Soap Saver's simple idea for making my Zest last longer, and also for preventing it from getting that slimy Gulf of Mexico catfish skin it always acquires when left to sit in its own wet glycerin-ness....

Horror Novel Toilet Paper

$17.95 from Firebox.com »

Is this toilet paper scarier than shit? Only one way to find out: eat 4 Beef Chalupa Supremes at 10 p.m., and then settle in for The Drop when it...and nature...calls out to you around midnight....

Touch-Free Faucet Adaptor

$42.99 from Amazon »

Given that I chew the ever-loving gobstoppers out of my fingernails, I'm obviously not too concerned about germs. But I am concerned about touching things with Cheetos-crusted hands and getting yelled at by my mama for...

Aqua Notes Waterproof Notepad

$4.77 from Amazon »

I always have great ideas and profound realizations in the shower. The greatest ideas and profound realizations. The only great ideas and profound realizations I ever have. But there's nowhere to write them down. And...

Waterfall & Massage Shower Panel

$279.99 from Amazon »

Ever heard anyone say, It's not the dress, it's the girl in the dress? I feel the same basically goes for showers--it's not the shower, it's the girl in the shower--only with a few exceptions. Like AKDY's shower panel...

Slothzilla Shower Curtain

Sold Out from Amazon »

So...I guess Slothzilla sounded better than King Sloth or Sloth Kong? Or maybe it's creators were just taking a page out of sloth the animal's own book and being lazy about fact checking their re-imaginations of iconic...

Carbon Fiber Toilet Seat

$299.95 from Carbon Fiber Gear »

A gold toilet seat: ostentatious. Indulgent. Ridiculous. A carbon fiber toilet seat: inconspicuous. Practical. Awesome. It's not an extravagance, it's...it's...well, I mean you need a toilet seat, right? And you need...

Dragon Sink Faucet

$58 from Amazon »

I can hardly stand the anticipation. Game of Thrones. Season 4. Less than a week away. I might pee my pants. Hey! Someone turn off that dragon sink faucet! It's not helping my continence! Hey, wait...a dragon sink faucet?...

Sarlacc Toilet Decals

Like most great ideas, Robbie Rane came up with his Toilet Sarlacc decals while hanging out with friends, having a few beers, and talking shit. One guy mentioned dropping the kids off at the pool. Another spoke of ending...

Bathroom Mirror Defogger

$59.99 from Amazon »

Fogged mirrors! I can't groom my facial hair or Dep Gel my head for, like, 8-1/2 minutes after emerging from the shower unless I stand there like an a-hole blowing my mama's hairdryer on it. Towels: do not work. Squeegees:...

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Aqueduck Faucet Extender

$9.99 from Amazon »

The Aqueduck. Is it a faucet extender for kids who can't quite reach the fixture, or a faucet extender for men like me who crack their teeth on the spigot each time they try to get a drink after taking a leak in the middle...

Nosferatu Shower Curtain

$72.99 from Etsy »

The makers of this shower curtain depicting a shadowy Nosferatu ascending the stairs to drain your blood and leave you a dead and dried-out heap of sunken flesh...or maybe turn you into a vampire like himself if you're...

Doctor Who TARDIS Shower Rack

$44.99 from ThinkGeek »

Doctor Who's time-traveling spacecraft TARDIS has a new assignment: hold your soaps, shampoos, razors, and other grooming gear so they don't litter up or fall off the ledges of your shower. Despite the looks of it, the...

Nuclear Glow Soap

United Nuclear's Nuclear Element Glow Soaps will scrub you clean. Clean and genetically modified. Maybe like Spider-Man. Maybe like Sloth from The Goonies....

PPShots Toilet Photo Holder

$7.99 from Amazon »

Ahhh, nothing like the holidays to remind me whose face I'd like to take a giant piss on. PPShots produces Adhesive Photo Protectors--clear toilet sticker designed to house and keep intact photos stuck on the inside of...

Polaroll - Polaroid Toilet Paper Holder

$26.99 from ThinkGeek »

Shake it, shake it. Shake it like a Polaroid picture. Guess what! The next time you have to do that because you get a pesky dingle berry whilst sitting on the toilet, the Polaroll toilet paper holder will be there to...

Iron Man Arc Reactor Soap

$5 from GeekSoap »

Your source of power. Your one chance to defeat the spreading evil of germs, grease, and Cheetos dust. Lesley Karpiuk of Geek Soap custom designed her Iron Man Arc Reactor soap mold, and hand makes each piece in a "sultry...

Black Toilet Paper

$26.99 from Amazon »

This black toilet paper looks like the streamers my mama used to hang up in our kitchen for Halloween or when someone died. I hope the two don't feel similar tidying up my nether regions....

SinuPulse Nasal Irrigation System

$79.95 from Amazon »

In a way the SinuPulse Nasal Irrigation System is just as gross as Nosefrida the Snotsucker nasal aspirator due to their similar purposes in life: extractors of snot. But in a way it's not because the Nosefrida is intended...

Tentacled Shower Head

$1,130 from QS Supplies »

It's like...Kraken meets...car wash. Though Vado's adjustable shower head sculpture is missing the 2 arms that would elevate it to true octo status, 5 minutes behind the curtain flipping and pointing this spraying beast...

One Size Fits All Toilet Seat

If you're elderly, overweight, pregnant, and suffering from irritable bowel syndrome, the Adjustable Advantage Toilet Seat was designed just for you! As a matter of fact, if any single one of the above descriptors applies...

Towel Warmer

$101.99 from Amazon »

Pshhh. I don't need no stinkin' towel warmer. What am I, some kind of frageelay flower of a man who can't take a little cold air against his balls stepping out of the shower? Now I need a heated towel to protect my body...

Heavy Doody #2 Odor Eliminator

$14.95 from Amazon »

Heavy Doody cannot hide the fact that I washed down 3 bowls of Honey Badger BBQ chili with one of those German hefeweizens that tastes like bananas, or that I've been in the bathroom for 18 minutes, or the sounds I am...

Waterpik Showerpik

$57.99 from Amazon »

I just had a childhood flashback. My grandma totally owned and operated one of these hydro-flosser things. But it didn't connect to the shower head like Waterpik's handy Showerpik, it had a reservoir you had to fill...

NightGlow Toilet Seat

$49.99 from NightGlow »

NightGlow Toilet Seats don't just preclude black-of-night stubbed toes and Awww, F me morningtime cleanup requirements, they transform your excretory system's best inorganic buddy into an exhilarating pee-themed arcade!...

Mr. T Strong Man Toilet Paper Holder

$26 from Amazon »

Add a pot-bellied weightlifter to the long and distinguished list of accessories available to facilitate man's wiping of his ass. Mr T heaves overhead a barbell stacked with toilet paper both to inspire us while on the...

Hammock Bathtub

Usually when people describe themselves they inflate the truth or do that reverse psychology trick where they say a bunch of self-deprecating things in an effort to convey the opposite meaning. In both cases they would...

Washmate Portable Bidet in a Bottle

$25.53 from Amazon »

I would have thought this portable bidet would be aimed towards things like hiking, camping, fishing, and hunting, but after reading up on Washmate's water-spouting bottle I see it's aimed predominantly towards things...

Weener Kleener Soap

$6.07 from Amazon »

I don't think that's how you spell "wiener" or "cleaner", but I'm willing to overlook the mistake on account of the fact that my penis has been bugging me for its own soap ever since it got the wrong end of a bar I used...

Bathing Bad Meth-Inspired Bath Salts

Sold Out from Amazon »

One time when I was in New Orleans this voodoo lady tried to sell me some bath salts under the guise that they would enlarge my manhood if I soaked in them while listening to Prince's "Sexy MF", but I said, "No thank...

The Shower Beer Buddy

I know what you're thinking: who drinks beer in the shower? And I'll grant you, not many people. But in my opinion this sad reality exists only because, until now, the Shower Beer Buddy has not. Because brew enjoyment...

Subtle Butt Disposable Gas Neutralizers

$12.95 from Amazon »

At printing, Subtle Butt Disposable Gas Neutralizers had 14 reviews on Amazon, and every single one of them contained both a serious critical analysis of the product's smell-quelling efficacy, and an insightful comment...

Back of the Door Cabinet

$129.95 - $199.95 from Hammacher Schlemmer »

It's a Back of the Door Cabinet. Seven words, and my work is done....

YouTube Shower Curtain

$35.09 from Amazon »

Today I will perform for the millions clicking on my YouTube shower curtain a rendition of Mr. Big's "To Be With You" as I lather my hair, followed by a standup routine about how I don't eat bivalves or things that taste...

Squatty Potty - Posturally Correct Pooping

$28 from Amazon »

"Squatting to eliminate is healthier." Golly I love the Squatty Potty's euphemistic appeal to my sense of self-preservation. Sitting on my porcelain sidekick with my feet resting on a 9" stool, torso pitched forward approximately...

Carbon Fiber Bathtub

$67,500 from Carbon Fiber Gear »

If they were going put the effort into creating a bathtub out of airplane and race car materials, couldn't they have made it look like an airplane or race car? Not that I wouldn't still clamor to spend some QT in Corcel's...

Friendly Toilet Seat Reminder

When speaking of our health, of preventing the ingestion of fecal matter thrust into the air during the toilet flushing process, is there really a need to mince words? Beat around the bush? Employ euphemisms? Woodpecker...

Skull Soap Dispenser

$20 from Etsy »

The soap dispenser is in the shape of a human skull so that when pumping it you can imagine the slippery translucent matter oozing from its spout is brain juice. Coincidentally, this is an actual malady. Brain juice pouring...

Jacuzzi Entertainment System

La Scala's pimped-out jacuzzi, termed a "Jetted Entertainment Bath", is just another in a long line of life's Catch-22 creations. It costs $40 grand, so if I could convince the bank to give me a loan for it, I'd probably...

Valiant Knight Toilet Paper Holder

$36.78 from Amazon »

On guard! This valiant knight is armed with the plush cotton 2-plys that will defend the honor of your innocent underwear from the nefarious infidels of your excretory orifices. I bet his pecs and delts are enormous under...

Heat Sensitive Tile

$33 from Moving Color »

I thought the Heat Sensitive Table was the pinnacle of cool in the realm of thermochromatic commmodities, but this Heat Sensitive Tile has just upped the ante. Inspired by the stunning lights of Alaska, Moving Color's...

Emergency Drinking Water Storage

$22.95 from Amazon »

If you have an extra bathtub lying around, have I got a deal for your Zombie Apocalypse preparations. The waterBOB Emergency Drinking Water Storage Bladder lines everyone's second favorite bathroom basin and, when connected...

Dude Wipes

$10.99 from Amazon »

Dude Wipes: A Brief Overview of Audience and Application. Dude Wipes are for dudes. And every once in while--say, every 18 to 24 hours--dudes tend to have an especially...explosive...encounter with the bathroom. The kind...

Super Mario Bros. Toilet Seat

$80 from Etsy »

Every Super Mario Bros. Marathon on the Web deserves a Super Mario Bros. Toilet Seat on the head. Etsy vendor Debra Hughes hand paints these porcelain god lids in pixelated scenes taken from the original Super Mario Bros....

Rinser - The Water Fountain Toothbrush

$22 from Amron »

My problem is that I'm so busy trying to Think Big that I often forget to Think Rational. Scott Amron obviously does not have this problem. His Rinser Toothbrush, whose tunneled handle serves as a spout that shoots faucet...

Guitar Pee - Musical Urinal

Ever had to take a leak so bad you could taste it? Well, thanks to Guitar Pee, you're about to have to take a leak so bad you could piss "Stairway to Heaven". A concept that falls somewhere between baffling and F'in rad...

Han Solo in Carbonite Soap

$9.95 from Luxury Lane Soap »

At this point it seems carbonite is the least of Han Solo's worries. Since Return of the Jedi, he's been frozen in a block of ice, suspended in chocolate, sucked into the iPhone craze, and now! Now lured into the grips...

Zombie Rubber Duckies

Sold Out from Etsy »

Of course he went for the rubber ducky. That blissfully ignorant little bathtub addict Ernie suffered the zombie bite, and then went straight for his floating feathered friend. Maybe it was just to spare Bert long enough...

Jonny Glow Toilet Illuminator

$5.95 from Amazon »

Installing Jonny Glow strips on your toilet will preclude stubbed toes, bumped knees, smacked elbows, total face plants, and pissing on the cat during semi-conscious orienteering trips to the bathroom in the pitch black...

Shitter - Your Twitter Feed on Toilet Paper

$35 from Shitter »

People talk a lot of shit on Twitter. So it was really only a matter of time before the maestros at Collector's Edition fabricated Shitter Toilet Paper, and bestowed the shit talkers with a viable way to put their money--and...

Bathtub Planetarium

$157.95 from Amazon »

Bathe with the stars! Well, the battery-operated, not the hydrogen and helium gas, kind. Or the Jennifer Lawrence/Ryan Gosling kind for that matter. Still, the Homestar Spa, a planetarium for the bathtub, hot tub, or...

Stack - Infinite Soap Bars

Sold Out from Amazon »

What if your bar of soap's slivered remains could transform from flat to stacked with no hassle, no waste, and no complex procedures or anesthesia? Simply and terrifically brilliant--like so many Kickstarter projects--Stack...

Rubik's Cube Soap

$20 from Etsy »

Hey, soap that looks just like the Rubik's Cube thingy in that scene from The Pursuit of Happyness. You know, the one where Will Smith's character effortlessly twists the rainbow squares so they all match up, much to...

Viking Boat Bathtub

Rub-a-dub-dub meets Rawwwr, I'll eat your face! in Dutch designer Wieki Somers' Viking-inspired cleansing vessel. If St. Olaf ever bathed, this rich and tasteful tub is where he would do it. Made of oak and red cedar...

Apple iPoo Toilet

As digitial artist and iPoo creator, Milos Paripovic, so eloquently puts it: If you look at a toilet and see the Apple logo, that's commentary on your psyche, not his design. This silver spectacle was lovingly contoured...

ButtFace Soap

$6.28 from Amazon »

Although soap is meant to be the cleanser, how are you supposed to keep IT clean when your sweaty, deodorant-shunning roommate gets ahold of a bar in the shower? ButtFace soap at least establishes some boundaries and...

Fish Aquarium Sink

$4,500 from Opulent Items »

Moving goldfish out of the living room and into the bathroom for a perfect view of what will surely be their place of final burial, down the toilet, seems like an illogical move. That is, until you see this awesome fish...

Glowing Toilet Paper

$7.92 from Amazon »

Who could use a radioactive mummy costume for Halloween? An exclamation point on your next toilet-tissue-themed prank? A beacon lighting the way to your Shit Box?...