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Water To Wine Jesus Drink Markers

By: on November 13, 2016
$8.99
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It's hard to look at these drink glass markers and not keeping coming back to some variation on the idea of hangin' with Jesus at your next party. But that sort of comment is in very poor taste, and if I'm anything I'm a pillar of decorum and class, so I'll take a different approach: if Jesus can watch over you and yours and all his little children in the world, who better across the heavens and earth to keep an eye on your glass of Syrah or Jack & Coke?

The Water to Wine Jesus drink markers add a touch of holy parody to any holiday celebration. Jesuses included identify themselves as Chris T., J.C., J-Dawg, and, of course, Kanye.

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The Illuminator - Instant Light Projector

$39.99 - $49.99 from Amazon »

Thousands of decorative lights from the palm of my hand to the branches of my trees, or spans of my walls in minutes. Minutes. Without the hassle of knotted wires. Without the danger of ladders. Without the frustration...

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Fire Missiles Cigarette Lighter Button

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Fire Missiles. A cathartic button for your road rage and, ironically, a healthier insert for your car's cigarette lighter slot than a cigarette lighter. Oh no...wait. I just read the Fire Missiles button actually "functions...

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Levitating CUP Zero Gravity Drinkware

$139 - $249 from Levitating CUP »

We've seen levitation around here before. A lot. In speakers. In lamps. In freakin' bonsai trees. But the Levitating CUP still makes me Ooooh and Ahhhh because, well, it contains alcohol. In a dazzling an

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Herb & Lou's Cocktail-Infused Ice Cubes

$15.99 from Herb & Lou's »

Melted, not stirred. Herb & Lou's Infused Cubes arrive as 3 things waiting to happen: 1) 12 blocks of ice; 2) 12 rounds of tasty cocktails; and 3) 12 times the good times, since you won't have to play bartender all night....

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The Don Vino Wine Table

$3,500 - $5k from Chicone »

I'm crowning the Don Vino Wine Table "The Godfather of Wine Storage." Not just because creator Chicone Cabinetmakers has given it the Italian Don honor, but also because it is a unique, classy, and dually functional piece...

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A is for Anus: The Alphabet (For Adults)

$9.99 from Amazon »

This alphabet isn't adult just because A is for Anus, but also because of the accompanying anatomical representation author Max Willy has selected to make sure everyone knows what an anus is. Stick out your pointer finger...

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BTO Cooler Stackable Drink Koozies

$19.98 from Amazon »

Double fisters, rejoice! The BTO Cooler turns the average koozie into a stackable drink holder and insulator so you'll never be without a cold one - or tower of cold ones - in hand....

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Pussy Natural Energy Drink

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So many ways to interpret the Pussy energy drink. Does it give men in need the bravado to get some? Reinvigorate the nether regions of women who aren't in the mood? Inject some downtown youthfulness into cougars on the...

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blk. - Black Bottled Water

$46 from Amazon »

We wondered too, but the answer is no. blk. black bottled water is not part of an SNL skit la black caulk or Colon Blow. It's a real artesian spring water from aquifers in Canada's Sandiland Forest Reserve. And it takes...

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Carbon Fiber Race Track Drink Coaster Set

$59.99 from Amazon »

These Carbon Fiber Race Track Drink Coasters are light, fast, and slick. Which is exactly what I myself am going to be long about the 6th beer I set on one of them this 4th of July weekend....

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LED Snow Flurry Projection Light

$71.97 from Amazon »

Oh the trouble Clark Griswold could have saved himself if only he'd gone on Christmas vacation in the 2010s. Nowadays one little green box fitted with one pint-sized disco ball connected to one tiny projector are all...

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Icicle Smokey Dry Ice Drink Stirrers

$10.95 from Amazon »

Icicle dry ice drink stirrers turn swizzle sticks into staffs of billowing smoke to accent your Old Fashioneds and add visual drama to your glasses of Champagne (which will complement the physical drama you'll feel the...