Blow Up Traffic App
- Fake Parking Tickets - $12.95
- The Bad Driver's Handbook: Hundreds of Simple Maneuvers to Frustrate, Annoy, and Endanger - $11.66
- Road Rage and Aggressive Driving: Steering Clear of Highway Warfare - $10.49
- Road Rage Relief Personal Aromatherapy Kit - $28.00
- Reduce Driving Anxiety & Driving Phobia Subliminal CD - $14.99
I think I'm in love. Blow Up Traffic is an iPhone app that simulates setting fire to gridlocks or otherwise offensive individual vehicles that are driving like complete fucking morons, such as buses and Toyota Priuses. And it's voice activated. According to designer Matt Reed, Blow Up Traffic's "next-generation RAGE (Responsive Asshole Gesture Engine) algorithms detect when the sound pressure level inside the cabin of your vehicle peaks and responds immediately with one of three Augmented Reality road-clearing weapons." That means when you freak out and unleash the expletives, Blow Up Traffic springs to action.
It also means that to use the app you don't have to touch your phone's screen, risking crashing your car and becoming the same caliber of fucking moron you were just blasting off the road.
Blow Up Traffic downloads from the iTunes app store, and for most effective targeting and detonation also requires a vehicle windshield mount. Reed says he created his trio of big fiery sayonaras to rush hour and moms in minivans going 50 in the fast lane in his garage, and the final products required many cans of hairspray, plus melted 3-1/2 phones during testing. So each time all of us ragers of the road use one of these virtual explosions to restore our composure behind the wheel I think we should also throw an agreed-upon sign of gratitude to Matt Reed for his assistance in the matter. Hmm, let's see...smacking our hands against the roof of our cars is already taken by P'diddle, so...how about we go with flipping the vehicle we just set aflame the bird?