A Geek's Gift Guide of Gadgets, Gear and Novelties    * Updated daily

Pets

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Thursday, January 16, 2014
$500 - $520 from Etsy »

Quick, someone get this cat a lance! He's scheduled to joust one of the guinea pigs from G-Force at high noon and only just finished his battle armor fitting. I don't know if he's ready for this. The pigs have been training...

Friday, December 20, 2013
$65 - $400 from No More Woof »

From the Nordic Society of Invention and Discovery--yes, that's a real society, not one made up by Wes Anderson--comes No More Woof, a device that lifts up the latest technology in micro computing and EEG, and plops it down...

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Arc Angel Industries' Pet Defenders are canes and walking sticks that double as inconspicuous stun guns. So that when you're out plastic baggying little Coco's numero dos to impress his (incredibly hot female that you would, coincidentally, also like to bag) owner, you will be able to fend off any person, dog, bear, or zombie that attacks and risks harming her. And you. And, by proxy, your chances...

Saturday, June 15, 2013
$24,300 from Ebay »

I had a guinea pig as a young boy. I named him Ruffles because he and I both were somewhat effeminate. They didn't make polished steel scale outfits for guinea pigs back then. And I have to admit, taking in this majestic handmade...

Friday, June 21, 2013
$99.95 from iFetch »

iFetch isn't the first automatic ball launcher for dogs, but it's about half the cost of the Go Dog Go, and I am more partial to iFetch's video of the dancing Boston Terrier than I am to Go Dog Go's of the spastic Puggle....

Thursday, October 2, 2014
$10 - $19.50 from Stark Raving Cat »

Legal in all 50 states! Though I'm pretty sure Catnip Joints are the inverse of marijuana joints. In the sense that all the cats I've ever seen lie around and sleep all day, pausing only to look at you with complete disinterest and excruciatingly slow blinks, until they get their paws on some catnip. Then they're darting and rolling and hopping all over the living room like an epileptic monkey...

Tuesday, June 3, 2014
$249 from CleverPet »

According to CleverPet, one reason dogs strew the stuffing from your couch cushions across the house and eat entire ficus plants is that they're bored. Another reason is that they're a-holes. CleverPet says it can address...

Thursday, February 13, 2014
$9.99 - $15.02 from Amazon »

Listen, I approve of anything that will prevent a cat from slashing up my face just because I had the nerve to pet it after it came and laid down on my head. But I feel like some crazy cat people...well, let's call them animal...

Sunday, August 10, 2014
$29.99 from ThinkGeek »

This shark won't take a bite out of your leg, but get too close and he'll probably lick and hump it. How clever. A shark life preserver for your pooch. He might hate wearing it, but the full-body flotation vest will keep him...

Sunday, September 21, 2014
$27 from Schnuzzle »

Schnuzzle promises to be your best friend's new best friend. Why? Because it smells like bacon! And then it smells like BBQ beef! And then, suddenly, roast chicken! Nubby spherical and cylindrical dog toys with interchangeable...

Saturday, July 19, 2014
Discontinued

As a frame of reference, I looked up how much it would cost to purchase a normal drinking fountain. Like, for a human. Under $400 from Amazon. So why would you spend $1,250 for a custom-made miniature wood drinking fountain...

Tuesday, February 18, 2014
$250 - $900 from Dog Powered Scooter »

Oh good, dog sledding is now available for suburbia in July. It's a Dog. Powered. Scooter. For canine exercise? Sure. To enhance mobility of the elderly? Sounds good. So that I can be the one guy in town who travels by a yoke...

Saturday, February 8, 2014
$569 from GNR 8 »

The Bubble Tank is a nice piece of art I'd like to fill with rocks and small fish and sit on my shelf. In part. In another part it looks like a giant tumor, which alludes to the one probably growing inside me from all of the...

Monday, September 10, 2012
$19.59 from Amazon »

Holy crap, as if I weren't already terrified enough of this beast! Now they have to go and put a raptor costume on it. Well tiny dinosaur dog, now you can keep your beady eyes, your snaggleteeth and your flesh-flaying, sickle-shaped...

Monday, May 5, 2014
$49.95 from Amazon »

Yes, the Litter Kwitter is a real thing. Vendor Firebox, known for their elaborate April Fool's pranks, repeatedly assures us that this seeming 20-pound chocolate Lionel Richie head of cat supplies is not a joke. So now that...

Thursday, August 8, 2013

The 21st century: where dog food is for humans, and human beds are for dogs. Oh, and you can also wear the Internet on your face. Murphy’s Paw Design and Clark | Richardson Architects have developed two Barkitecture-award-winning...

Wednesday, May 29, 2013
$149 from Petcube »

Does your pet give you a forlorn look of abandonment that stirs an overwhelming sense of guilt in your heart and makes you feel like a complete a-hole every time you leave the house? More importantly does this typical bundle...

Wednesday, December 7, 2011
$16.24 from Amazon »

Ah perfect. Pets are great... until they impose on us in any manner. Cuddling on the couch and receiving unconditional love? I'm in. Taking them out, walking them, playing with them... that's kind of a nuisance. It really...

Saturday, August 17, 2013
$14.25 - $20.35 from Amazon »

It's an AT-AT. Costume. For your dog. I know Halloween is still 2 months and 14 days away, but I sense these babies are going to sell out quick come October 1st. And anyway, a lot of dog owners get a charge out of dressing...

Thursday, June 19, 2014
$84.31 - $130.92 from Amazon »

The PetSafe SmartDoor at least partially solves both the #1 problem with owning a dog, and the #1 problem with owning a dog door: having to take care of it; and home security. Available in 2 sizes, the dog door installs through...

Sunday, June 16, 2013
$1,295 - $2,495 from Etsy »

Officially made and sold as Hobbit Hole chicken coops (or scale-mail-clad guinea pig coops! The uprising, it is all coming together!) these Lord of the Rings-inspired homes for the yard also serve as dog houses or kiddie...

Tuesday, March 4, 2014
$499.95 - $599.95 from Hammacher Schlemmer »

This nightstand with a built-in dog house looks swell until you see it with the dog closed inside. Then it looks like a solitary confinement chamber used for enemy spies. And even if your dog chews and pees on things in such...

Monday, December 24, 2012
$349.99 from Cat Wheel Company »

In a way I hate the idea of the Toy-Go-Round cat hamster wheel because really the only kinds of cats I like are the lazy fat ones that look as if they might go into cardiac arrest if they even stood up. But in another way...

Sunday, April 27, 2014
$32.88 from Amazon »

This flea zapper for dogs and cats is made by Epilady. I'm pretty sure that's the same company that made a device my grandma used to use to rip the hair out of her legs by the root. I know this only because during visits to...

Friday, July 4, 2014
$44.99 from Etsy »

Did you know that poultry cannot be potty trained? Of course you did. It's why your pet duck Precious keeps peeing on your couch and quacking out poos on every rug in the house. Not to mention that, despite every movie, cartoon...

Thursday, May 23, 2013
$32.40 from Amazon »

This K-9 Kannon indeed looks like a device over which the dogs slated to retrieve its blasted tennis balls are going to go apeshit. It fires up to 75 feet...consistently, not just those one or two times you really focus and...

Sunday, November 24, 2013
$349 from Pet Chatz »

The simulation of being at home when you're not at home. It's the new black. And from smartphone-controlled security systems to interactive pet communication systems like the Petcube and, now, PetChatz, the application of...

Tuesday, July 9, 2013
$9.79 from Amazon »

I chose a pug to help convey the meaning of this Stop Eating Poop remedy for dogs because pugs both mow on their own turds and suck in general. OK listen. I love all nature's creatures. Mostly the human women kind, but all...

Tuesday, July 2, 2013
$35 from HALO »

That bunny rabbit in the red HALO pet collar might be the cutest non-human woman I have ever seen. Even cuter than that Pomeranian with its own product line that disgruntles me by way of melting my heart every time I see it....

Saturday, March 29, 2014
$12.87 from Amazon »

Why are we assisting dogs with a task they are supposed to be genetically predisposed to handling themselves? Aren't their fur coats designed by Mother Nature to insulate them both with and against heat? Isn't panting their...

Thursday, January 24, 2013
$8 from Ruffbowl »

Before delving into RuffBowl specifics, I will share some fun facts about the French. Parisians love their dogs. The ratio of dogs to people in that city is 1:7. But they don't love cleaning up after their dogs. In fact, the...

Wednesday, September 5, 2012
$23 from OPPO »

Oh man, I really hope dogs aren't smarter than we think they are. Does it get more humiliating than a Duckface Muzzle? Quack, an OPPO Japan bit of "You poor canine bastard" is a soft silicone dog muzzle available in yellow...

Friday, October 26, 2012
$29.99 from Amazon »

If we can teach rats to run mazes and cows to jump over moons, why not teach fish to kick a soccer ball or swim through hoops? The R2 Fish School Fish Training Kit, developed by master trainer of the gilled ones Dr. Dean Pomerleau...

Friday, September 27, 2013
$36.99 - $43.99 from Amazon »

The smooshy shark or the poofy puppy: I don't know which is more adorable, and therefore most responsible for my urge to slap it in the face. Can any woman look at this dog without longing to hold it in her arms? Can any man...

Monday, August 19, 2013
$18.95 from Amazon »

Sorry, baby owners, you still have to pack up 40 pounds of luggage prior to each and every trip to the park. But you, dog owners, have just been given the gift of consolidation. Paww's ThrowBowl fuses flying disc with water...

Tuesday, April 9, 2013
$39.95 - $79.99 from Amazon »

The list of items people inexplicably buy for their pets just keeps getting longer. I can't imagine any dog--even a neutered dog--forcibly suited up in a pair of Hurtta's canine overalls not spending every second thereafter...

Monday, September 9, 2013
$48.29 from Amazon »

Some people might say allowing a dog to sit in a high chair and eat dinner at the table with the rest of the family is unsanitary, or even vile, but I really have no problem with the hygiene aspect of the activity. Toddlers...

Tuesday, March 12, 2013
$40.45 - $49.60 from Amazon »

I always wonder if dogs appreciate the lengths humans go to to enhance their comfort. Not in the sense that they need to send a handwritten thank you card or bake us a lasagna (though picking up their own shit would be a nice...

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Unlike fireworks, entertainment by way of watching cats have a conniption represents easy, inexpensive, and safe* entertainment 365 days a year. Now we all know how I feel about cats, i.e., Satan and Joan Rivers' love children...

Thursday, April 26, 2012
$149.95 from Amazon »

No opposable thumb required. This pooch-friendly water fountain attaches easily to the end of a standard garden hose, and activates at the touch of a paw. Adjustable to 3 pressure settings, the perpetual hydrater is also capable...

Wednesday, June 19, 2013
$459 from Amazon »

I don't understand why the dog needs a treadmill. 1) Can't its human owner just take it outside to run around, or 2) can't it just use the treadmill its human owner already has? Oh wait, now that I've written it down it all...

Friday, July 13, 2012
$24.39 from Amazon »

If the X Games had a Fetch event, the HyperDog Ball Launcher would certainly be canine owners' competition implement of choice. Designed to slingshot tennis balls over 200 feet laterally, the next step up from this behemoth...

Thursday, June 28, 2012
$49.99 from glowdoggie »

A HALO LED Sport Belt for man, a Glowdoggie LED Collar for man's best friend. The Glowdoggie, a sturdy, German-engineered, 100% waterproof dog collar, helps keep pooches visible or easy to spot in the dark, and when frolicking...

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