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Monday, September 10, 2012
Raptor Dog Costume
$14.55 from Amazon »

Holy crap, as if I weren't already terrified enough of this beast! Now they have to go and put a raptor costume on it. Well tiny dinosaur dog, now you can keep your beady eyes, your snaggleteeth and your flesh-flaying, sickle-shaped more...

Wednesday, December 07, 2011
Animal Cruelty Laser Mate
$14.51 from Amazon »

Ah perfect. Pets are great... until they impose on us in any manner. Cuddling on the couch and receiving unconditional love? I'm in. Taking them out, walking them, playing with them... that's kind of a nuisance. It really cuts into more...

Thursday, January 24, 2013
RuffBowl - Poop, Drink & Be Merry
$8 from Ruffbowl »

Before delving into RuffBowl specifics, I will share some fun facts about the French. Parisians love their dogs. The ratio of dogs to people in that city is 1:7. But they don't love cleaning up after their dogs. In fact, the French refuse to scoop poop. And on an average day, pooches deposit about 20 tons of it on the city's streets, sidewalks, and outdoor patios. About 650 people a year are injured more...

Tuesday, April 09, 2013
Dog Overalls
$39.95 - $79.99 from Amazon »

The list of items people inexplicably buy for their pets just keeps getting longer. I can't imagine any dog--even a neutered dog--forcibly suited up in a pair of Hurtta's canine overalls not spending every second thereafter trying desperately more...

Monday, December 24, 2012
Cat Hamster Wheel
$349.99 from Cat Wheel Company »

In a way I hate the idea of the Toy-Go-Round cat hamster wheel because really the only kinds of cats I like are the lazy fat ones that look as if they might go into cardiac arrest if they even stood up. But in another way, look at that more...

Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Dog Cooling Vest
$40.45 - $49.60 from Amazon »

I always wonder if dogs appreciate the lengths humans go to to enhance their comfort. Not in the sense that they need to send a handwritten thank you card or bake us a lasagna (though picking up their own shit would be a nice shout out), but more in the philosophical sense of, do they even understand what comfort is? When it's 90 degrees out and they're tearing up mountain trails at top speeds, more...

Friday, October 26, 2012
Fish Training Kit
$24.47 from Amazon »

If we can teach rats to run mazes and cows to jump over moons, why not teach fish to kick a soccer ball or swim through hoops? The R2 Fish School Fish Training Kit, developed by master trainer of the gilled ones Dr. Dean Pomerleau, more...

Wednesday, September 05, 2012
Duckface Dog Muzzle
$23 from OPPO »

Oh man, I really hope dogs aren't smarter than we think they are. Does it get more humiliating than a Duckface Muzzle? Quack, an OPPO Japan bit of "You poor canine bastard" is a soft silicone dog muzzle available in yellow, pink, or more...

Thursday, April 26, 2012
Bow Wow Water Fountain
$24.43 from Amazon »

No opposable thumb required. This pooch-friendly water fountain attaches easily to the end of a standard garden hose, and activates at the touch of a paw. Adjustable to 3 pressure settings, the perpetual hydrater is also capable of more...

Friday, July 13, 2012
HyperDog Ball Launcher
$20.72 from Amazon »

If the X Games had a Fetch event, the HyperDog Ball Launcher would certainly be canine owners' competition implement of choice. Designed to slingshot tennis balls over 200 feet laterally, the next step up from this behemoth specimen more...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

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