Halloween

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Skull Eyes Sunshade

$13.24 from Amazon »

There hasn't been much sun to shade my car seats from these last few weeks of fall, but that's no reason to abstain from creeping people out with a pair of glowy red skull eyes across my windshield. Skeletor's coming...

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Star Wars Misters

$24.95 - $29.99 from Amazon »

Steam up the room with the Dark Side this Halloween. This Darth Vader and Stormtrooper bear no Fun Size Twix bars or mini boxes of Milk Duds, but they do come with a special misting treat. Add water to the included mist...

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Webcaster Trigger-Fed Cobweb Gun

$54.99 from Amazon »

If your spidey sense is telling you stringing that clump of cotton into a spooky front porch crypt of cobwebs is going to take 'til next Halloween, believe it. And have a comparative look at the Webcaster trigger-fed...

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Dragon's Breath Pyro Trick Powder

$18.99 from Amazon »

Been looking for the perfect Halloween costume...for your shotgun? I don't think Dragon's Breath Powder promotes itself as the ideal filling for 12-gauge ammo, but there's clearly no stopping resourceful minds with too...

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Scary Intruder Prank Door Prop

$24.95 from Amazon »

This looks like a good way to get punched in the face. Actually, a disturbingly realistic intruder prop hung in the bedroom doorway as a special treat for my girlfriend looks like a good way to punched in a lot of places....

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Pumpktris - The Tetris Pumpkin

Happy Freak Night, kids! Or, if bone-chilling masks and gory body parts aren't your thing, Happy Tame & Friendly Halloween! Do you know that yesterday someone who owns a child told me his kid's school allows Halloween...

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Skeleton Dog with LED Eyes

$16 from Amazon »

Do your kids keep pestering you to get a dog? Then set up Bones here in their bedroom one night. And just as they settle in, as you've shut the door and headed back to the couch--flick!--on goes the timer controlling...

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Hurricane Fog Machine

$33.99 from Amazon »

It's October, which means Halloween is coming, which means it's the one time of year you don't have to be re-enacting an 80s music video to use a fog machine in your home. (Not that re-enacting an 80s music video isn't...

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Peep n' Peepers Flashing Eyes Halloween Lights

$12.27 from Amazon »

These Peep n' Peepers flashing eyes Halloween lights aren't very scary, but I think they're the right amount of scary for trick-or-treating kids you don't want to watch cry hysterically or have a screaming meltdown at...

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Zero Smoke Ring Blaster

$79.99 from Amazon »

Zero Toys has got all markets cornered with its Smoke Ring Blaster. Kids. Halloween. Office shenanigans. And one that never would have occurred to me until I saw the above video: golden retrievers. I'm loath to admit...

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Fire & Ice Light Show

$19.36 from Amazon »

You might not be able to flip it back on at Christmas like the Illuminator light projector, but Gemmy's Fire & Ice spotlight is about half the cost for twice the evil. Its orange LEDs shine through a crystallized dome...

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Optical Illusion 3D Skull Light

$18.85 from Amazon »

Smiley, spooky, glow-y, and eco-friendly to boot. This optical illusion 3D Skull Light is USB-powered and fitted with LED bulbs able to burn in a spectrum of colors that blaze through an intricate grid of laser-cut acrylic...

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Prosthetic Dragon Spikes

$375 from Etsy »

Is there a word for when something is equal parts disturbing and smokin' hot? That's what I'd like to call the image of this lady wearing Dragon Spikes. Their mutant effect is remarkable, somewhere between mythical miracle...

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Life-Size Inflatable Jabba the Hutt

Sold Out from Amazon »

Although this Jabba the Hutt looks more huggable than creepy, I still think he wins the Halloween Inflatable Lawn Ornament Contest for 2015. He's way cooler than a smiley 12' spider, and on par with the Peeping Creeper...

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Screaming Pillow Case

$33.99 from Etsy »

Whoa. Enter Sandman. I wonder how many days I would be banished to the couch if I left this screaming man traveling through time, space, and pillow case for my girlfriend to find when she goes to bed tonight. I think...

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Giant Rideable T-Rex Bike

Sold Out from Craigslist »

Of course, of course Portlandia is the Craig's List source for a giant rideable T-Rex bike. I can smell Burning Man 2014 and self-entitled cries of "Share the road!" bellowing through major downtown arterials all over...

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Melting Mandle Zombie Candle

$15 from Etsy »

Who to thank for the Incredible Melting Mandles? Their maniacal waxen faces dripping like blood-soaked flesh and pooling into amoebic nothingness when held to a flame? According to Etsy shop Stexe, "skilled US labor."...

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Zombie Wine Bottle Holder

$21 from Amazon »

This dude's been to hell...or at least 6 feet closer to it...and back. He needs a drink to ease his mind. And also to wash down the brains he's about to extract from your head. The Elixir of the Undead Zombie Wine Bottle...

Stay Cool or Hot: The Best Vacuum Insulated Water Bottles
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Crazy Bonez Pose-N-Stay Skeleton

$62.06 from Amazon »

Like all the best girls, this Crazy Bonez skeleton stands around 5' tall and holds whatever pose you tell it to for maximal visual enjoyment and after-dark fun....

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Star Wars Candy Bowl Holders

$29.19 - $39.95 from Amazon »

While candy can at times transcend the Forces of good and evil, as with the Yoda candy bowl holder, it's mostly all evil. That's why the majority of the Star Wars characters doling out Halloween treats are from the Dark...

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Halloween Gear Guide

 

Oh boy, it's time to start shelling out your hard-earned cash for a hard-earned night of reckless abandon, mad debauchery, mass sugar and alcohol consumption, and sitting front and center at the Parade of Hot Slutty Girl...

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Star Wars Bantha Dog Costume

$23.99 from Amazon »

Even though the Shetland Sheepdog wearing this Bantha dog costume looks paralyzed with fear and has his tail planted so firmly between his legs it's probably corking his bunghole, I'm pretty sure he likes it. Right, Gingerbread?...

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Peeping Creeper Prank Prop

$35 from Amazon »

Does it get any better than scaring the Pringles and PBR out of my friend Cornelius by hanging up a fake creeper in a hoodie staring into his living room window at night? Not really. They call this peeping Tom simulation...

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Darth Vader Pumpkin Push-ins

$19.47 from Amazon »

Vader pumpkin. Not only does it look better than any squash I could carve, but making one will take me about 45 seconds instead of 3 hours. Though I do like the idea of spray painting the Darth Vader pumpkin black and...

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Michael Meyers Bloody Snow Globe

Sold Out from Amazon »

Here's a blast from Halloween past. And not just OG, circa 1978 Michael Meyers, OG 2.0, circa 1998 Michael Meyers too. Remember when they released the Halloween H20 remake to celebrate the series' 20th anniversary? And...

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Electronic Spidey Sense Shirt

$39.99 from ThinkGeek »

Good news for men itching for superpowers but hesitant to accept the body-suctioning spandex--and in this case noxious spider bite--that often accompanies them. The Marvel Electronic Spidey-Sense T-Shirt grants a heightened...

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Bleeding Hand Candle

Discontinued

Poor Thing. Someone lit him on fire and in the absence of a mouth, or thumb and forefinger that can reach the top of his wrist, it looks like he's doomed to burn. If you give him a few minutes I hear blood will start...

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Skull & Spine Beer Bong

$4.49 from Amazon »

Obviously this skull & spine beer bong establishes instant credibility by appearing in photos with a can of PBR. Which is a gustatory delight because, as I say every time I take my first drink of a tall boy, it tastes...

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Giant Lobster Hand Claws

$34.95 from Archie McPhee »

I believe all children with no existing physical or mental impairments who think they're hot little shits should be required to wear these giant lobster claws on their hands for a day to learn how it feels to be different...

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12-Foot Inflatable Animated Spider

$199.95 from Hammacher Schlemmer »

I don't know if I should be more afraid that this 12-foot-tall inflatable spider will bite me or force me to listen to it sing Broadway showtunes. It looks like Elvira mixed with Ursula the sea witch mixed with one of...

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Finger Soap

Sometimes people make things such as cookies that are supposed to look like fingers, and sometimes I see a carrot or parsnip in the store that sort of looks like a gnarled witch finger, but never before this set of finger...

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Fogger Bubble Machine

Sold Out from Amazon »

Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble. That's from Shakespeare, I think. Or it might be from the smash hit feature film Practical Magic, starring Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman as respectively responsible/prudish and carefree/bad...

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Unzipped Flesh Kit

$7 from Amazon »

One way to make others jump out of their skin is to jump out of yours. This Unzipped Flesh look requires some legwork and talent to pull off, but look at the striking levels of gruesomeness and morbidity one can achieve...

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Defender Gas Mask

$425 from Etsy »

I'm imagining how much toxic air I could intake, and how many zombies I could Sucker Punch in this kick ass leather and aluminum Defender Gas Mask. Pretty sure the total is zero, but I'm going to look so damn cool getting...

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Predator Mask

Discontinued

Though it may seem that this Predator Mask would be useful only as a Halloween costume, it in fact has a wealth of practical applications. Obviously it will give children, and probably dogs, horrific nightmares, and so...

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Medusa Animated Halloween Bust

$34.83 from Amazon »

Somehow, Medusa and her snake head dress has been stolen from Greek mythology and now appears to be a spokeswoman for Halloween, a holiday with Roman origins. My only real knowledge of her comes from Clash of the Titans...

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Crawling Halloween Monster Hand

$24 from Grandin Road »

Scare the shit bejeezus out of all the little runt trick-or-treaters who have the audacity to ring your bell without a good joke with this amazingly realistic crawling hand. Part Game of Thrones, part The Addams Family...