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Halloween

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Thursday, October 10, 2013
$39.99 from ThinkGeek »

Good news for men itching for superpowers but hesitant to accept the body-suctioning spandex--and in this case noxious spider bite--that often accompanies them. The Marvel Electronic Spidey-Sense T-Shirt grants a heightened...

Wednesday, October 24, 2012
$28.98 from Amazon »

One way to make others jump out of their skin is to jump out of yours. This Unzipped Flesh look requires some legwork and talent to pull off, but look at the striking levels of gruesomeness and morbidity one can achieve from...

Sunday, September 22, 2013
$34.95 from Archie McPhee »

I believe all children with no existing physical or mental impairments who think they're hot little shits should be required to wear these giant lobster claws on their hands for a day to learn how it feels to be different and handicapped and unable to text or post hourly Facebook status updates....

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Sometimes people make things such as cookies that are supposed to look like fingers, and sometimes I see a carrot or parsnip in the store that sort of looks like a gnarled witch finger, but never before this set of finger...

Monday, December 10, 2012
$199.99 from Amazon »

Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble. That's from Shakespeare, I think. Or it might be from the smash hit feature film Practical Magic, starring Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman as respectively responsible/prudish and carefree/bad...

Tuesday, October 15, 2013
$59.98 from Amazon »

Here's a blast from Halloween past. And not just OG, circa 1978 Michael Meyers, OG 2.0, circa 1998 Michael Meyers too. Remember when they released the Halloween H20 remake to celebrate the series' 20th anniversary? And Jamie Lee Curtis was in it as the sister who can't shake the nightmares of her past life, but now she is a mom and has a son to protect? The son was Josh Hartnett and also Michelle...

Wednesday, October 9, 2013
$29.99 from Etsy »

Poor Thing. Someone lit him on fire and in the absence of a mouth, or thumb and forefinger that can reach the top of his wrist, it looks like he's doomed to burn. If you give him a few minutes I hear blood will start running...

Friday, April 20, 2012
Discontinued

Though it may seem that this Predator Mask would be useful only as a Halloween costume, it in fact has a wealth of practical applications. Obviously it will give children, and probably dogs, horrific nightmares, and so serves...

Tuesday, September 17, 2013
$199.95 from Hammacher Schlemmer »

I don't know if I should be more afraid that this 12-foot-tall inflatable spider will bite me or force me to listen to it sing Broadway showtunes. It looks like Elvira mixed with Ursula the sea witch mixed with one of the...

Thursday, October 11, 2012
$425 from Etsy »

I'm imagining how much toxic air I could intake, and how many zombies I could Sucker Punch in this kick ass leather and aluminum Defender Gas Mask. Pretty sure the total is zero, but I'm going to look so damn cool getting...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Thursday, September 1, 2011
$24 from Grandin Road »

Scare the shit bejeezus out of all the little runt trick-or-treaters who have the audacity to ring your bell without a good joke with this amazingly realistic crawling hand. Part Game of Thrones, part The Addams Family, check...

Thursday, October 24, 2013
Sold Out from Amazon »

Vader pumpkin. Not only does it look better than any squash I could carve, but making one will take me about 45 seconds instead of 3 hours. Though I do like the idea of spray painting the Darth Vader pumpkin black and positioning...

Wednesday, October 9, 2013
$8.49 from Amazon »

Obviously this skull & spine beer bong establishes instant credibility by appearing in photos with a can of PBR. Which is a gustatory delight because, as I say every time I take my first drink of a tall boy, it tastes like...

Monday, October 31, 2011
$16 from Amazon »

Somehow, Medusa and her snake head dress has been stolen from Greek mythology and now appears to be a spokeswoman for Halloween, a holiday with Roman origins. My only real knowledge of her comes from Clash of the Titans though....

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