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Flowering Penis Coffee Mug

By: on August 10, 2017
$15.99
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For all the ladies (and fellas!) who count floral patterns and penises amongst their favorite things, have I got a mug of a gift for you. Clothing and accessory brand HUMAN goes for a very anatomical part of being one here with their flowering penis coffee mug. Look closely, it's a cock-tical illusion!

A big 15-ouncer with a large handle for easy gripping, the physical specs of this mug fit right in with its decorative theme. I wonder if giving your buddy one for a few sips before pointing out all the flowering penises on it would produce that fantastic TV trope of "Guy drinking coffee gets unexpected surprise and spits coffee everywhere."

Cornelius! Want me to make you a dark chocolate mocha with extra Reddi-wip on top?

HUMAN's white-elephant-party-ready floral penis patterned mugs come in 5 different colors, plus rainbow. If you're looking for a more blatant, or offensive, gag gift, check out the Wobbling Willy.

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Wobbling Willy - Your Face on a Dildo (NSFW)

Dudes, check out the Wobbling Willy's practical application for all those selfies you've been taking. Your face on a dildo. A way, way sexier (and more functional!) gift for your girlfriend than that framed dick pic you...

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Embarrassing Box Prank Mailer (NSFW)

$14.99 from Amazon »

D*ck in a Box is back! Just in time to dil-dole out some good times at the office and an April Fool's Day gift or two. Like many popular send-it-anonymously pranks, maker Witty Yeti will take a sworn oath to mail your...

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Voice & Motion Activated Prank Stickers

$12.99 from Amazon »

More sticker fun for the office and airport pranksters. A 50-pack of Voice & Motion Activated prank stickers, my college friends, seem like a necessary addition to your suitcase when you head back to the dorm too....

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Kobayashi Mug

Sold Out from Amazon »

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that...he's gone....

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How to Pee with Morning Wood

$13.95 - $60.90 from Zazzle »

A self-help guide to dealing with the enormous issue I face first thing in the morning every single day of my life and it's packaged as whimsical wall art that will add immeasurable character to my bathroom? How to Pee...

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Paco's Taco Stroker

Sold Out from Amazon »

At first I was like, Who the h-e-double-boner named this kitchen tool "Paco's Taco Stroker?" I'm going to make so many masturbation jokes when I write about it. And then I looked closer and was like, Holy hard-on! They...

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Dual Beer Glass

$35 from Etsy »

At first I thought the Dual Beer Glass was intended for sampling two different types of beers at once, and I was like, How the dickens am I supposed to keep one from spilling all over my crotch when I'm drinking the other?...

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Private Gym Penis Trainer (NSFW)

$59.99 - $99.99 from Amazon »

It's the one body part P90X neglects. But before you reach for a Viagra to long-and-strongify your johnson, the Private Gym would like its shot at ripping your penis to shr-...uh.... Maybe I'll go with a different idiomatic...

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Mokase Smartphone Cover Coffee Maker

$57 from Mokase »

Mo' crazy, mo' coffee, Mokase! It's the latest mobile phone feature we 0% need but, while collectively rolling our eyes, some of us will still get: a smartphone case that brews coffee....

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Willy Care Kit

$17.04 from Amazon »

If your name isn't William, and you don't need a gift for a dude named William, I can't imagine why you'd buy a Willy Care grooming kit. I mean, I know it's a common name and all, but are there really enough Willies out...

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Bimek SLV - The Sperm Switch (NSFW)

By: Bimek »

Condoms or Dr. Snip. It's slim pickin's for dudes in the contraception department. And condoms are kinda lame due to the whole desensitization thing. And a vasectomy is kinda lame due to the whole sterilization thing....

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The JerkShirt (NSFW)

Now don't take NSFW the wrong way. The JerkShirt was indeed created primarily for the office (and secondarily for the dinner table). But I would caution against watching the video, illuminating as it may be, within eye-...