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Flowering Penis Coffee Mug

By: on August 10, 2017
$15.99
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For all the ladies (and fellas!) who count floral patterns and penises amongst their favorite things, have I got a mug of a gift for you. Clothing and accessory brand HUMAN goes for a very anatomical part of being one here with their flowering penis coffee mug. Look closely, it's a cock-tical illusion!

A big 15-ouncer with a large handle for easy gripping, the physical specs of this mug fit right in with its decorative theme. I wonder if giving your buddy one for a few sips before pointing out all the flowering penises on it would produce that fantastic TV trope of "Guy drinking coffee gets unexpected surprise and spits coffee everywhere."

Cornelius! Want me to make you a dark chocolate mocha with extra Reddi-wip on top?

HUMAN's white-elephant-party-ready floral penis patterned mugs come in 5 different colors, plus rainbow. If you're looking for a more blatant, or offensive, gag gift, check out the Wobbling Willy.

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Nature's D*ck Pics 2018 Wall Calendar

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Leave it to nature to penetrate our...hearts. The Nature's Dick Pics 2018 Wall Calendar takes us on a 12-month tour of some of the most striking rock formations Mother Nature ever created. When she was horny....

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I should say, "25 Gifts for $25 or Less, None of Which Are Fidget Spinners." After over a year of oversharing the fiddlers' friends, my collection of budget-friendly gifts for this holiday season will snub them altogether....

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Wobbling Willy - Your Face on a Dildo (NSFW)

Dudes, check out the Wobbling Willy's practical application for all those selfies you've been taking. Your face on a dildo. A way, way sexier (and more functional!) gift for your girlfriend than that framed dick pic you...

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Play with Your Food Sports Mugs

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Sports mugs with nets and baskets and goalposts and gloves to flick food into? Weeeee! As if marshmallows in hot chocolate and Fritos in chili weren't fun enough before!...

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$12.99 from Amazon »

D*ck in a Box is back! Just in time to dil-dole out some good times at the office and an April Fool's Day gift or two. Like many popular send-it-anonymously pranks, maker Witty Yeti will take a sworn oath to mail your...

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Kobayashi Mug

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The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that...he's gone....

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My MUG Indestructible Ceramic Coffee Mug

$15 - $24 from Making Modern »

Knock a My MUG off the counter and you might be cleaning up some liquid, but your solid form of matter will stay intact. Made to feel like ceramic in the hand, but behave like titanium when that hand is a wee bit clumsy...

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How to Pee with Morning Wood

$13.95 - $60.90 from Zazzle »

A self-help guide to dealing with the enormous issue I face first thing in the morning every single day of my life and it's packaged as whimsical wall art that will add immeasurable character to my bathroom? How to Pee...

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Dual Beer Glass

$35 from Etsy »

At first I thought the Dual Beer Glass was intended for sampling two different types of beers at once, and I was like, How the dickens am I supposed to keep one from spilling all over my crotch when I'm drinking the other?...

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Private Gym Penis Trainer (NSFW)

$59.99 - $99.99 from Amazon »

It's the one body part P90X neglects. But before you reach for a Viagra to long-and-strongify your johnson, the Private Gym would like its shot at ripping your penis to shr-...uh.... Maybe I'll go with a different idiomatic...

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Paco's Taco Stroker

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At first I was like, Who the h-e-double-boner named this kitchen tool "Paco's Taco Stroker?" I'm going to make so many masturbation jokes when I write about it. And then I looked closer and was like, Holy hard-on! They...