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Flowering Penis Coffee Mug

By: on August 10, 2017
$15.99
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For all the ladies (and fellas!) who count floral patterns and penises amongst their favorite things, have I got a mug of a gift for you. Clothing and accessory brand HUMAN goes for a very anatomical part of being one here with their flowering penis coffee mug. Look closely, it's a cock-tical illusion!

A big 15-ouncer with a large handle for easy gripping, the physical specs of this mug fit right in with its decorative theme. I wonder if giving your buddy one for a few sips before pointing out all the flowering penises on it would produce that fantastic TV trope of "Guy drinking coffee gets unexpected surprise and spits coffee everywhere."

Cornelius! Want me to make you a dark chocolate mocha with extra Reddi-wip on top?

HUMAN's white-elephant-party-ready floral penis patterned mugs come in 5 different colors, plus rainbow. If you're looking for a more blatant, or offensive, gag gift, check out the Wobbling Willy.

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Newton Minimalist Espresso Maker

I wonder if the Newton lever-press espresso maker is so named because it exemplifies the scientist's laws of motion or because Sir Isaac just loved him a strong cup of coffee. Or maybe the manual, minimalist wonder is...

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Wobbling Willy - Your Face on a Dildo (NSFW)

Dudes, check out the Wobbling Willy's practical application for all those selfies you've been taking. Your face on a dildo. A way, way sexier (and more functional!) gift for your girlfriend than that framed dick pic you...

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Embarrassing Box Prank Mailer (NSFW)

$14.99 from Amazon »

D*ck in a Box is back! Just in time to dil-dole out some good times at the office and an April Fool's Day gift or two. Like many popular send-it-anonymously pranks, maker Witty Yeti will take a sworn oath to mail your...

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Largemouth Bass Slippers

$15.99 - $22.69 from Amazon »

Good news, pescatarians! They've finally started making slippers out of fish - check out these largemouth bass slippers! - so you'll have something to wear while everyone else dons their bunnies, piggies, chickies, and...

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Kobayashi Mug

Sold Out from Amazon »

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that...he's gone....

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School of Hard Blocks - Alphabet Blocks for Adults

The School of Hard Blocks is a set of 12 alphabet blocks modeled after the traditional wood children's blocks, but made of concrete. And made for adults who need to learn, ponder, or build up their own ABCs. Adultery....

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How to Pee with Morning Wood

$13.95 - $60.90 from Zazzle »

A self-help guide to dealing with the enormous issue I face first thing in the morning every single day of my life and it's packaged as whimsical wall art that will add immeasurable character to my bathroom? How to Pee...

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Dual Beer Glass

$35 from Etsy »

At first I thought the Dual Beer Glass was intended for sampling two different types of beers at once, and I was like, How the dickens am I supposed to keep one from spilling all over my crotch when I'm drinking the other?...

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Paco's Taco Stroker

Sold Out from Amazon »

At first I was like, Who the h-e-double-boner named this kitchen tool "Paco's Taco Stroker?" I'm going to make so many masturbation jokes when I write about it. And then I looked closer and was like, Holy hard-on! They...

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Handmade Creepy Beer Mugs

$55 - $150 from Etsy »

Jo Scravis makes creepy beer mugs. You can use them as coffee mugs too, but I for one wouldn't want to look Horrible Hal Zombie or Angry Fanged Critter in the eye first thing in the morning, before I've had any caffeine....

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Private Gym Penis Trainer (NSFW)

$59.99 - $99.99 from Amazon »

It's the one body part P90X neglects. But before you reach for a Viagra to long-and-strongify your johnson, the Private Gym would like its shot at ripping your penis to shr-...uh.... Maybe I'll go with a different idiomatic...

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Bimek SLV - The Sperm Switch (NSFW)

By: Bimek »

Condoms or Dr. Snip. It's slim pickin's for dudes in the contraception department. And condoms are kinda lame due to the whole desensitization thing. And a vasectomy is kinda lame due to the whole sterilization thing....