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Sunday, March 30, 2014
$999 - $1,200 from Natural Machines »

I am 0% surprised that someone made a 3D food printer. If we can print jewelry and home decor and machine parts and sugar, why shouldn't we be able to print dinner? Barcelona-based company Natural Machines has created the...

Tuesday, December 3, 2013
$7.95 from Can Stamp »

Ever since the days of colonialism and the American Frontier...no...way before that. Ever since the days animals began eking out a drop more urine even when they didn't have to pee just so that they could piss on things, we...

Friday, April 4, 2014
$44.99 from Big Bad Toy Store »

Big Bad Toy Store says nothing--nothing!--about its forthcoming breakfast game changer, the Darth Vader Toaster, except this:...

Tuesday, April 15, 2014
$14.96 from Amazon »

I've had one of these Hamilton Beach single-serving blenders for years, and although it's not the highest quality blending product ever made, I use it faithfully for 3 reasons:...

Thursday, March 20, 2014
$55 from Etsy »

Finally, a literal interpretation we can love as much as the figurative one: it's a banana hammock! Designer Biken even fabricated and hand-finished this one in genuine leather because your banana deserves nothing but the...

Tuesday, January 14, 2014
$12 from Shapeways »

I mean, I'm fine getting my own glass of SunnyD, but I guess if you really want to give me some of yours, alright. Go ahead and Wave it over....

Thursday, April 10, 2014
$28 from Amazon »

VinniBag is the answer to the call of Fra-gee-lay. Case in point: one time, back when I had a sugar mama, I went to Chilean wine country and while going through customs upon returning to my homeland I watched a dude pick up...

Saturday, March 8, 2014

What we are looking at here is either a bit of a hyperbole or the wine version of that lady who tamed Helen Keller and taught her to communicate. It's called the Miracle Machine. It asserts itself as the world's first affordable...

Wednesday, March 26, 2014
$35 - $60 from Etsy »

Jason and Katie Lister of Apocalypse Fab must know that two of my favorite things in life are superheroes and beverages that sweat rings onto my mama's coffee table. They've made it so now I can have both. Simultaneously....

Wednesday, February 12, 2014
$59.68 from Amazon »

What kind of mad Japanese scientist concoction is in these Baropacks that makes them boil water with no supplemental heating element? No fire, no gas, no electricity, not even the sun. Now I can make spaghetti & meatballs...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Friday, March 14, 2014

You can make all the tender meat jokes you want, but when it comes down to it, you know you like tender meat. I like tender meat. Tender and infused with flavor. Mmmmmm....

Thursday, February 6, 2014
$19.99 from Shot Straws »

First off, let me say that I do not advocate taking shots through a Shot Straw. I advocate taking shots like a real man. However, if the memory of particularly rough night with Minnesotan twins, a ZZ Top fan club, and free-flowing...

Tuesday, March 25, 2014
$58.95 from Molecule-R »

Promoting an enhanced eating experience, Molecule-R's Aromafork engages a set of 21 different aromas to involve your nose more directly in the tasting process. Foodies will be able to add an olfactive flavor such as basil...

Monday, December 9, 2013
$15.21 from Amazon »

I call shotgun! Wha--what the F Scott Fitzgerald, Cornelius?! You just sprayed me in the eye with...what is that, a...juicy fr--...no, a buttery nipple? You just squirted a buttery nipple at my face?! That's...that's...well...

Wednesday, March 5, 2014
$42 - $102 from Coco Jack »

I don't always crack open coconuts, but when I do...I usually require stitches, lose the use of my left thumb for several days, and get my mouthed washed out with soap by my mama. Coco Jack, a stainless steel push-and-pry...

Thursday, January 9, 2014
$12.88 from Amazon »

Just when you thought you could enjoy a glass of beer without having your face bitten off by a shark. First the aggressive sea dwellers infiltrated our coffee mugs, and now it's our cold beverage containers. I hear they're...

Saturday, February 15, 2014
$21.79 from Firebox.com »

Dead or alive, you're coming with me. Robocop might drag you kicking and screaming out of bed in the morning like a big douchebag, but Robocup plays the good cop. He combats your fatigue and eases you into the harsh day ahead...

Wednesday, January 8, 2014
$159 from Amazon »

I have a hard time believing that fried food tastes like fried food if it's not fried fully submerged in the succulent greasiness of oils corn, palm, peanut, or pig. But, since I'd prefer not to have my first dance with heart...

Thursday, February 27, 2014
$148.45 from Amazon »

Emson Electric's indoor pressure smoker sears, cooks, and cold smokes up to 4 pounds of food at a time. Rrraawwrr! Dinner for 1 is served! In up to 70% less time than it would be if infused with the savory breath of a hickory...

Wednesday, December 18, 2013
$19.99 from ThinkGeek »

Necessity, she is the mother of invention. Even if it takes decades--no, centuries!--of jagged edges and misshapen triangles. Of someone popularizing the word "rustic" to justify the serving of sloppy, ugly food. Necessity...

Tuesday, February 25, 2014
$39.99 from Amazon »

Previously we saw the Papilla, a USB-heated lunchbox for leftover and homemade dish reheating computer-side. It's pretty cool, but still lives only in concept so you can't buy one. However, if you're willing to swap USB connectivity...

Friday, February 28, 2014
$11.01 from Amazon »

I remember the first time I saw Daryl Hannah walking naked around the Statue of Liberty in Splash. I thought I would have an erection for the rest of my life. But then later in the movie, when she's mermaided out in the bathtub...

Wednesday, November 20, 2013
$16.09 from Firebox.com »

In lieu of spending $80 grand on the Talking Periodic Table of Swearing coffee table I think I might part with my Andrew Lincoln and go for the Periodic Table of Swearing mug instead. Granted, it doesn't blurt heinous profanities...

Tuesday, December 31, 2013
$14.99 from ThinkGeek »

Sure a ninja mug is cool, but if you get one you're never going to be able to find it. Even if it's just sitting there, in the middle of your desk, right in front of your face. Ninja mugs are seen only when they want to be...

Friday, February 7, 2014
$11.47 from Amazon »

My friend Esteban lives on a boat and at the end of the summer every year he hires a diver to scrounge around the water at the bottom of his slip to try to recover the myriad items he and his friends drop over the side when...

Saturday, March 29, 2014
$65 - $120 from Pepperpins »

There's a dude named Tom in Oregon. When he's not teaching band to 4th and 5th graders, the dude is turning bowling pins into salt and pepper grinders. Look at that. They're an inventive, yet almost natural and called-for...

Sunday, March 9, 2014
$10 from Amazon »

That's right, kid. You wanna play Here Comes the Airplane, you pilot that aircraft yourself. I'm sick of contemporary society's unbridled pandering to children. They have two hands. Why can't they feed themselves? Put on their...

Saturday, January 19, 2013
$15.46 from Amazon »

People think I drink only Kool-Aid and sodie pop because I'm immature and unrefined, but really it's because water is such a yawn. I need the excitement and intrigue of carbonation and colors insulting to nature in my beverages....

Saturday, January 4, 2014
$239.68 - $573.97 from Amazon »

These Pelican coolers have 7- 10-day ice retention properties. That's pretty good. Nowhere near those of my ex, who has retained the ice in her heart for, like, 2 years now, but for a cooler, pretty good. Coined Elite Marine...

Sunday, November 24, 2013
$29.99 from ThinkGeek »

I hope the electromagnetic fields projected by these Iron Man 3 glowing Arc Reactor coasters will keep my drinks safe this holiday season from particulates of snot and saliva ejected by fellow partygoers whose mothers never...

Thursday, November 21, 2013
$14.24 from Amazon »

Now that Twinkies have returned to market, a homemade Twinkie maker might not classify as the same magnitude of necessity that it did for about 8 months there. But, still, it's kind of a necessity. You never know when Hostess...

Sunday, October 6, 2013
$1,699 - $2,099 from PicoBrew »

Even at a $1,600 investment, it would really only take about 6 weeks of home brewing for me to recoup the cost of a PicoBrew Zymatic in consumed beer. For me, a 6-pack of brewskis that doesn't taste like a donkey's bunghole...

Monday, January 6, 2014
$60 from Sabrina Fossi »

Now when you say "ToastyMUG," Sabrina Fossi, do you really mean toasty? Like, warm and soul-soothing? Or do you actually mean scorching and my choice of second degree finger burns or dropping the mug and spilling its steaming...

Monday, August 26, 2013
$33 from Unikia »

Compleat's FoodSkin seems like a better idea than a Ziploc bag because your sandwich won't rip or fall apart as you stuff it inside or later try to yank it back out. And it seems like a better idea than saran wrap because...

Tuesday, March 19, 2013
$29.99 from Rollie »

Something about the cylindrical results of the Rollie Eggmaster cooking system makes me a little uncomfortable. Is it that the tube of eggs looks too artificial? Too space agey? Too science projecty? Too anal probey? I can't...

Thursday, December 26, 2013

What's better than filling a water bottle with water? Filling a water bottle with beer! And what's better than filling a water bottle with beer? Inserting an entire bottle of beer into the water bottle! Wait...do what? Why...

Friday, January 18, 2013
$55.63 from Amazon »

To illustrate what awaits future owners of a Nut Butter Maker (i.e., my mom), I have included photos of some of the pulverized-peanut-themed treats I would like to have made for me. From left to right, they include:...

Thursday, December 5, 2013
$1.99 from Amazon »

Talk about the gift that keeps on giving. From stocking to cookie, and from cookie to belly, my friend. The Dipr solves the age-old calamity of sandwich cookies lost to murky emulsions of fat and protein. Oreos doing the backstroke...

Thursday, January 23, 2014
$12 from Amazon »

From amidst the screams and chaos, the tension and the trash talk, the chili cheese dip and the chicken wings, a lone zombie hand breaks the surface. Rises up from the pooled blood of Mary. And what's this? Is it parading...

Wednesday, October 24, 2012
$24.95 from iFlask »

Smokers, you've got your iStash. Drinkers, it's time to get your vice's piece of incognito Apple paraphernalia. In its ubiquitous and thereby discreet glory, the iPhone serves as the facade of subterfuge once again with the...

Friday, February 22, 2013
$25 from Umoro »

As a supplement fiend--I especially like the ones whose claims have not been evaluated or approved by the FDA--I gotta recognize the Umoro One first for concept alone. A sport bottle whose lid doubles as a powder and supplement...

Thursday, February 13, 2014
$10.24 from Amazon »

Plate Dip Clips attach to plates and hold dip. So it won't bleed all over your food before you're ready for it, or nuzzle up to items it isn't meant to touch, or run amok on the flat plate surface and become more of a scrape...

Friday, January 31, 2014
$13 from Amazon »

Eggs. They're almost as fragile as cats and guinea pigs. Better suit them up for the battle then. The battle they're still going to lose with my stomach. Sorry little hard-boiled ovo-knights. You're just no match for my brutishly...

Thursday, January 16, 2014
$39.95 from Amazon »

Under normal circumstances I wouldn't eat a zucchini under any circumstances. But a zucchini that's been shaved? Hmmm, I don't know. See, when it comes to girls I...well, anyway, I guess it's safe to say that if an ugly, stumpy...

Tuesday, August 27, 2013
$21.49 from Amazon »

I was doing some soul searching for ways in which I might class up my life, and not 5 minutes in, as if poised to instantly answer my prayers, I locked eyes with this gallon-sized flask. Isn't it beautiful? Brushed finish....

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Roasting marshmallows and making s'mores over an open flame is such grand fun. At least until someone falls into the burning ring of fire and doesn't live to sing about it like Johnny Cash. Then it's kind of a downer. Avoid...

Saturday, December 21, 2013
$27.99 from Overstock.com »

Yo quiero three large divots carved out of my back so I can hold tacos for gringos. Meet Tito...and his twin brother Tito...a duo of chihuahuas eager to liven up your Taco Tuesday with their droll method of tortilla shell...

Sunday, March 3, 2013

One time I participated in a Pedal Pub Crawl. Yeah, I know the beer bar on training wheels looks more suitable for middle-aged tourists who own a designated pair of "walking shoes" than a strapping stud like me, but I do admire...

Wednesday, November 6, 2013
$55.79 from Firebox.com »

This year, the grubby little hands that touch Santa's cookies are getting a superlaser blast to the neck. Or at least that's the scare tactic this Death Star cookie jar will promote in parental attempts to limit cookie overconsumption...

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

With one of the group's largest ratios of brain-to-body size, they say the cuttlefish is among the smartest of all invertebrates. So I guess it is well-suited to the task of cracking open my microbrews and bottles of craft...

Friday, November 1, 2013
$19.99 from ThinkGeek »

Don't worry, these Radioactive Elements Glowing Coasters aren't really radioactive. They won't leach radiation into the icy cold beers they support. ... Or will they? Maybe that Thorium-232 won't just keep the rings off my...

Saturday, August 3, 2013
$74.99 from Ilumi Bottle »

The ILUMI Smartbottle, a container that tracks and analyzes water intake, is like your mom: it follows you around telling you what to do, keeping track of whether or not you do it, and offering unsolicited commentary about...

Tuesday, August 27, 2013
$55 - $80 from Eighty-Eight Industry »

Aero Ti creators Eighty Eight Industry went aerodynamic with their chopsticks after studying the physiology of holding typical round, square, and octagonal shapes. When the hand's three fingers merge to grip a pair, they create...

Thursday, December 12, 2013
$124.99 from Jacob Bromwell »

Jacob Bromwell's set of Old West shot glasses are pure copper, handmade by up to 5 American workers, and in very limited supply. So get 'em while they're smokin' hot, and you just might have the perfect beginnings for staying...

Thursday, March 14, 2013
$34.95 - $199.95 from Muzzleshot »

A few months ago I would have been all over the Muzzleshot, a tactical shot glass crafted in the likeness of M16A2 weapons' flash hider. But after a recent, constitution-crushing experience with Fireball in DC, I'm sticking...

Friday, December 13, 2013
$45.99 from Amazon »

The Swissmar girouette says it was devised to shave and curl Tete de Moine, a fancy cheese from Switzerland that probably costs $100 pound, but you can also use it to make byooteeful ribbons of chocolate, or on any old cheese...

Saturday, November 9, 2013
$229.95 from Amazon »

Could the people at Pizzacraft please define their use of the term "pronto" for me? Before I buy this outdoor pizza oven, whose photos suggest its cheesy, saucy, doughy output could rival that of the best pizza on earth, aka...

Friday, January 24, 2014
$8.89 from Amazon »

They call them the Booger Buddies. I call them the newest additions to my Super Bowl XLVIII meat buffet. Nothing like a squirt of mustard from the nostrils of an ooga-booga-looking monster (with impeccable oral hygiene) to...

Friday, February 1, 2013
$27.95 from Amazon »

A swig here, a puff there, a puff here, a Chug! Chug! Chug! there. And none of those big globe or skull ice cubes to get in your way of downing the whiskey when it's flowing freely from this 2-in-1 flask and cigar holder either....

Saturday, June 29, 2013
$21.41 from Amazon »

The Corkcicle for girly white and pink wine now has a version for manly yellow and brown beer. After 45 minutes in the freezer, Chillsners insert into and latch onto bottles of brew to maintain optimal ice coldness from swig...

Friday, October 11, 2013
$22 - $140 from Etsy »

Trixie Delicious' naughty china reminds me of sitting at an austere dinner table with my friend Cornelius and trying to destroy his composure by saying words like "penis," "boobies," and "cocksucker" under my breath. Except...

Friday, November 2, 2012
$24.32 from Amazon »

Which came first, the Weston Jerky Gun or the Sushi Bazooka? Squirted meat or squirted fish and rice? Conundrum, conundrum, we may never know. But, praise be to Zeus, like chickens and eggs, my stomach approves with fervor...

Wednesday, August 1, 2012
$35.99 from Amazon »

Dorm rooms, office kitchenettes, and Manhattan apartments rejoice! The Hat Trick Breakfast Station combines three necessities of morningtime life--coffee, toast, and eggs--into one compact gadget no bigger than a standard...

Sunday, January 6, 2013
$4.95 from Trongs »

Obviously I like eating with my hands. It goes with the territory of being a man. Buuut...I really hate when BBQ and Buffalo wing sauce get under my fingernails and into the cuts I have from doing manly things with my hands...

Monday, September 2, 2013
$32 from Best Made »

This is a nice cup. It's sturdy--steel coated with enamel, double-thick on the handle and rim to defray those areas' proportionately high use and abuse. Also it has "Steadfast" and "Best Made" stamped in large letters all...

Tuesday, October 15, 2013
$29.50 from Amazon »

An easily-assembled pumpkin tap for your easily-chugged pumpkin beers. In order of tastiness, according to Boston.com, those would be:...

Wednesday, May 9, 2012
$9.99 from Amazon »

I know at least one person getting Boska Holland's ToastaBags for Father's Day. On the rare occasions my dad is forced to spearhead his own feedings, he likes to make grilled cheese sandwiches. And the way my dad makes grilled...

Wednesday, July 25, 2012
$38.29 from Amazon »

Father-son lightsaber battles over Kung Pao chicken are about to get the LED treatment. Original lightsaber chopstick fabricator Kotobukiya continues its journey through their Galactic Republic of Replica Awesomeness with...