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Fake Tampon Flasks

By: on October 06, 2016
$18.96
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Mmmm, boy. Who wants an illicit Bloody Mary? I don't care how thirsty I might be at a dry college football game, show, or church service, I don't think I could take a swig of anything out of a tampon. Even a fake tampon that's just a flask made to look like a tampon. You know a few times my girlfriend's cat Zanzibar has gotten into the trash, and it always seems to be at a particular time of the month, and if you understand where I'm going with this you should be right there with me when I say a tampon flask is no better than an oozing pimple cupcake.

Sick. Sick, sick, sick.

But if you want one, head on over to Amazon and get yourself a 10-pack of single-use "tampons" large enough to hold a single shot of your favorite booze. They even include wrappers, each with an adhesive strip that will seal your lady part products inside.

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Stormtrooper Whiskey Decanter & Shot Glass

$14.61 - $26.79 from The Fowndry »

A stormtrooper who's packing nothing but Jameson and a Buttery Nipple is my kind of stormtrooper. I bet in whiskey decanter and suspended glass forms they're even a decent shot. At least until round 7 or 8 when your own...

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Vapshot Vaporized Alcohol System

$1,299 from Vapshot »

The Vapshot Mini Home System is a countertop liquor vaporizer. It looks kinda like an air pump at the gas station. It acts kinda like one too. Except instead of pumping on a hose to inflate your Goodyears, you'll suck...

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Herb & Lou's Cocktail-Infused Ice Cubes

$15.99 from Herb & Lou's »

Melted, not stirred. Herb & Lou's Infused Cubes arrive as 3 things waiting to happen: 1) 12 blocks of ice; 2) 12 rounds of tasty cocktails; and 3) 12 times the good times, since you won't have to play bartender all night....

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Liquor Log Booze Dispenser

$109 from Amazon »

Now this is the kind of Yule Log I'm talking about. How better to bring good tidings to you and all of your kin than with a nice bottle of Jameson or Jack chug-a-lugging out the tap on an urban harvested Ohio hardwood...

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Handmade Slanted Bar Glass

$120 from Glassblower Ben »

Calling the Slanted Bar Glass "handmade" isn't quite right. More accurately, it's lung-blown. The lungs doing all the blowing are those of Ben Dombey, a New Orleans glassblower who creates fine artisan bar glasses to...

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Vaportini Liquor Inhaler

$39.99 - $149.99 from Vaportini »

Those who do not live in Washington or Colorado, I have a consolation inhalation prize for you. A glass globe-and-funnel contraption straight out of the Real Genius chem lab, the Vaportini kit gassifies alcohol into a...

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Twist Whiskey Glass

$59.99 from Amazon »

I wouldn't normally take my whiskey with a twist, but if it's an Ashcroft Twist whiskey glass providing the service rather than a slice of citrus...you could probably twist my arm....

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The Perfect Shot Secure Decanter

$89.95 from The Perfect Shot »

The Perfect Shot is a lockable decanter that keeps thirsty hands off your hooch. But here's an interesting lemon twist: those thirsty hands can include your own....

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The Whiskey Wedge

$17.95 from Amazon »

One thing I can't stomach is getting piss drunk on piss warm whiskey. And though I do enjoy the array of giant cubes and fancy globes and Darth Vader-shaped ice molds now available for me to chill it with, their stubborn...

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Alchemix Liquor Infuser & Carbonator

$79 from Alchemix »

Alchemix hopes to shake up the shaker scene amongst mixologists and enthusiastic cocktail imbib-ologists alike with their Kickstarter campaign for a drank maker that infuses and/or carbonates your liquor and mixers in...

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Boobs Ice Luge

Sold Out from Amazon »

And you always thought she was an icy bitch because you couldn't get to second base. The Boob Luge puts a positive spin on the cold reality of interacting with women. Also, just like in the good ol' days of infancy, it...

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Lolo Lids Covert Beer Koozies

$9.48 - $11.49 from Amazon »

Drink your beer on the down Lolo with this lid of subterfuge. Disguised as a to-go coffee lid, the Lolo fits over a can of beer, which then slides into most any large paper coffee cup to form a covert koozie. Sneaky...