Darth Vader Toaster

By: on April 04, 2014
Darth Vader Toaster
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Big Bad Toy Store says nothing--nothing!--about its forthcoming breakfast game changer, the Darth Vader Toaster, except this:

Please Note: Depending on the type of bread used and the duration of toasting, your toast may differ from what is pictured in the promotional material above. The toast pictured above was produced by a trained professional. It is important to remember that toast is like a snowflake, each piece is unique and beautiful in it's [sic] own way.

A few things. 1) That better not mean this marvel of modern technology doesn't work right, dammit. 2) Uh, how can I get a job as a trained professional toast toaster? 3) I'm fine with my toast being unique and snowflakey, as long as every single unique snowflake looks like Darth Vader. This may be the one and only time I prefer my sourdough plain and on the Dark Side.