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Solar System Suckers

By: on September 06, 2012
  • Space Balls - Solar System Suckers
  • Space Balls - Solar System Suckers
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The scientific community may have dogged Pluto, but these Solar System Suckers are paying the little outcast the homage he deserves. My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas, plus the Sun, all hold a place in the 10-strong collection of lollipop planets with black backs flecked in edible glitter to simulate stars. I know you're all wondering what Uranus tastes like, and though my immediate guess, despite its distance from us, was "earthy", candy virtuosos Vintage Confections actually allow buyers to choose their desired sucker essence from a list of about 50. In addition to standard fruit flavors, lollipops also come in more exotic taste bud perkers such as Cheesecake, Cinnamon Roll, Sea Salted Caramel, Pumpkin, Mint Chocolate Chip, Root Beer, and Eggnog. Check out the full list of flavors on Vintage Confections' FAQ page.

Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto--or, as Zack Morris called them on the infamous quiz show episode of Saved By the Bell, "MuvemJuhsunp"--sit atop 4-1/2" white paper sticks and arrive individually wrapped and sealed.

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Solar System in a Bottle

While Little Planet Factory, like science, has also shunned Pluto as a planet in its Solar System in a Bottle, I think they make up for it by having crafted and calibrated the 8 remaining MVEMJSUN to scale. At 1:5,000,000,000....

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Moon & Planet Lamps

$88.15 - $143.25 from Etsy »

Sleep under the light of the moon even on stormy nights, and enjoy the orange blaze of Jupiter without making futile attempts to go to Jupiter with one of these sweet spherical lamps from Pulsar Moonlight. Each is a unique...

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Sweet Spot Instant Ice Cream Maker

$43.51 - $45.98 from Amazon »

The Sweet Spot Instant Ice Cream Maker is basically the creamy dairy treat version of the slushie maker I used every weekend at my grandma's house as a kid. But here, to accommodate the flash-freezing of your cream and...

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Milk & Cookie Shot Maker

$19.95 from Amazon »

Milk & cookies. & liquid chocolate. & shots. Maybe I'll make it through this year after all. Wait, what? I have to make it all myself? With molds and melters and ingredients from the store? Come on! I thought I could...

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Milk & Cookies Shots

Now that the Cookie Monster has had his fling with Siri, maybe he can engage the services of Alexa to order him a dozen...or 8 dozen...of Dirty Cookie's Milk & Cookie Shots. I can't wait to see what he gets up to while...

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Solaris Lockstone Fragrance Bracelets

$49.18 - $79.93 from Vanacci »

Sexes, styles, and personas collide in the Solaris Lockstone braceleta. These pieces give a nod to the night sky encircling wrists with a choice of dark and dreamy semi-precious stones leading to a series of personal...

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The Meteorite Pen

$399 - $449 from B. Smith & Co. »

What's this strange thing from outer space, you ask? It's called a pen. Humans used to use them to communicate in writing before there were computer keyboards and touchscreens. And this particular pen, the Meteorite Pen...

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Bulk Single Flavor Candy

$10.99 - $50.98 from Amazon »

Mama! I said I only want the Cherry Starburst! Only the Cherries! Ahhh, just remembering the days when my mama had to toil over picking out all the good Starburst, Skittles, and Tootsie Pop flavors for me. The days before...

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Astrophysics for People in a Hurry

$11.37 from Amazon »

I wonder if calling Neil deGrasse Tyson's book about astrophysics one for "people in a hurry" is a nice way of saying it's really for people who have no quarkin' chance of understanding astrophysics outside of Tyson taking...

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Glow-in-the-Dark Galaxy Underwear

$15 from Etsy »

If you liked Black Milk Clothing's Galaxy Purple Leggings, take a gander at Portland, Oregon-based Make It Good's Glow-in-the-Dark Galaxy Underwear. Available in both women's bikini cuts and men's boxer briefs the black...

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Magisso Perfect Slice Cake Server

$14.99 - $41.23 from Amazon »

Magisso says its curvy Cake Server will "Banish dessert-course anxiety!" Better than Xanax, I wonder? Because it would be really great if I didn't have to give my girlfriend one of mine every time she has to cut up a...

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5-Pound Bag of Gummi Bears

$10.51 from Amazon »

The best part about a 5-pound bag of Gummi Bears is obviously that it contains approximately 985 Gummi Bears. But the second best part is Haribo's description of those 985 Gummi Bears as "Naturally flavored with balanced...