48

Chocolate Covered Jalapenos

By: on March 10, 2012

Chocolate Covered Jalapenos: for that delectable combination of sweet, and hotter than balls. Fresh, straight-up jalapenos, or a rainbow assortment of sweet peppers, are dipped in taste buds' choice of dark chocolate, milk chocolate, or a dark-milk-white chocolate triple team. Peppers arrive in a themed gift box, also of the buyer's choosing. Never was there a more rich and meaningful way to say, "I love you!" "Happy Anniversary!" "Get Well!" or "Time to Kiss the Sun, Mutha Fucka!"

The $59.95 price tag is for a 1-pound box of choco-peppers. An additional $30 doubles the order.

Buy Now

Edible Anus Chocolates

$7.31 from Amazon »

Several years ago, Willy Wonka sat down with the UK's most distinguished chocolatiers to lay down the next big release in artisan chocolate. He tried many of their stunning and revolutionary manipulations of the finest...

Check it out

Paqui Carolina Reaper Madness Chip

Sold Out from Paqui »

Betcha can't eat just one. Maybe not even one bite. Paqui says its Carolina Reaper Madness Chip is made with the hottest chile pepper on earth, and possibly in all the circles of hell. It's so hot they package them in...

Check it out

20-Pound Chocolate Lionel Richie Head

$833.19 from Firebox.com »

I didn't think there could be anything better than having a hot chick sculpt an enormous model of my head out of clay, but...Hello! Chocolate beats mud any day. Lionel Richie. You lucky bastard....

Buy Now

Chocolate Candy Bar Maker

$37.80 from Amazon »

Hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife, hide yo' husband! No one's getting their hands on the Chocolate Candy Bar Maker but me! Chocolate's loyal, and gluttonous, and selfish little whore slave. No, redact that redaction. Whore!...

Buy Now

Milk & Cookie Shot Maker

$20.40 from Amazon »

Milk & cookies. & liquid chocolate. & shots. Maybe I'll make it through this year after all. Wait, what? I have to make it all myself? With molds and melters and ingredients from the store? Come on! I thought I could...

Check it out

Han Solo Carbonite Chocolate Bar

$7.99 from ThinkGeek »

What took them so long? Although I'd prefer an Augustus Gloop drowning in chocolate bar, Han Solo's plight lends itself nicely to aiding in the fattening of America as well. Jabba The Hutt, although posing no long term...

Check it out

Kama Sutra Chocolates (NSFW)

Discontinued

I smell sex and...candy here. It's our favorite form of ancient raunch cacao-ified into a box of Kama Sutra chocolates. Now everyone can give 8 slabs of tasty sex positions to their favorite horndog, or the pillar of...

Buy Now

10-Pound Toblerone Bar

$79.54 from Amazon »

Toblerone has built 45, 100-gram servings into their 10-pound mountain range of chocolate, honey, and almond nougat. That's:...

Buy Now

Satan's Blood Hot Sauce

$17.59 from Amazon »

Satan's Blood Hot Sauce comes in a "blood vial shaped bottle with 800,000 Scoville units of pepper extract." Yeah, I can see that. I can also see a cock & balls ready to spew a scorching, blinding, fiery-hot death onto...

Check it out

Peanut Butter Cup Cake

Discontinued

A gargantuan mail-order Peanut Butter Cup Cake, stacked with double layers of rich chocolate devil's food hugging real peanut butter filling, and then drowned in a dark chocolate shell, is the reason acronyms like OMFG...

Check it out

Fuego Box Craft Hot Sauce Club

Light up Father's Day with a Fuego Box craft hot sauce club subscription for Dad. Dad can't take the heat? No problem. Fuego has a Mellow Box 3-pack ($29.95) in their collection of hot sauce gifts too. You can save the...

Buy Now

Mini Nutella Jars

$27.95 from Amazon »

Finally I can justify eating an entire jar of Nutella. The only problem is that these mini glass bottles of the creamerrific hazelnut spread come in packs of 16. So it's going to be like me and a bag of fun-size snickers:...