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Unfortunate Cookies

By: on December 26, 2011
$8.99
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A sarcastic spin on the traditional fortune cookie, unfortunate cookies tell it like it is. Each pack includes 10 witty, fun and sometimes scathing or disgusting fortunes that are sure to surprise whoever cracks them open looking for next week's winning lottery numbers.

Great for pranking friends or co-workers these individually wrapped cookies look, feel and taste just like any other fortune cookie.

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F-Cup Cookies

F-Cup Cookies sound like they would be a joke, and they probably are, but for all women with concave chesticular regions and, more importantly, for all the men who have to fondle them, I sure as 2 seconds of motorboating...

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Trezor the Bitcoin Safe - Hardware Bitcoin Wallet

$99.99 - $129.95 from Amazon »

Bitcoin. It's nice work if you can get it. And if you get it...best keep that golden cryptocurrency safe from computer viruses and malware. Keyloggers and hackers. Your snooping friend Cornelius. Trezor, a hardware bitcoin...

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Milk & Cookie Shot Maker

$20.49 from Amazon »

Milk & cookies. & liquid chocolate. & shots. Maybe I'll make it through this year after all. Wait, what? I have to make it all myself? With molds and melters and ingredients from the store? Come on! I thought I could...

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Cards Against Humanity Fortune Cookies

$10 from OK Cookie Co. »

I like the fortunes that say things like, "Soon you will be sitting on top of the world," and "May you grow rich," followed by a series of lucky numbers that happen to coincide with those drawn during this week's Power...

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The Tempus "Who's Buyin'?" Spin Coin

$43 - $181 from Kickstarter »

Coin flipping is so Ancient Rome*. The Tempus offers a fresh spin on recruiting the fates to help us make decisions and settle arguments today. A spin that's more contemporary, more in line with our current obsession...

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Spinning F Pin

$7.99 from Ball & Chain Co. »

When indecision strikes or words fail you, let fate decide the most appropriate way to F the situation. This enamel pin secures to your lapel where it will always be within finger's reach and ready to spin-a-fuck the...

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Milk & Cookies Shots

Now that the Cookie Monster has had his fling with Siri, maybe he can engage the services of Alexa to order him a dozen...or 8 dozen...of Dirty Cookie's Milk & Cookie Shots. I can't wait to see what he gets up to while...

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Naughty Cookie Cutters

$29.49 from Firebox.com »

These are disgusting. A perversion of gingerbread men, and a perversion of the spirit of Christmas!...

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X-Rated Fortune Cookies

$16.01 from Amazon »

Every time you masturbate, God chokes a kitten. I don't know if that bit of wisdom can be found in this Chinese to-go container of of X-Rated Fortune Cookies, but it should be a staple. Get your hands out of your pants...

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Your Face on an Animal Cookie

You've had your face on a stamp. On a superhero action figure. Even on a super creepy mask worn by someone who is not you. But I think the best place of all for your face...uh, next to your head...is on an animal cooki

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Be Good / Stay Evil Decision Coin

$15 from Amazon »

Santa, I swear, it's this coin's fault I've been naughty all year. Every time I flipped it the fates told me to "Stay Evil." Yeah, I know it's almost statistically impossible to get the "Stay Evil" side up repeatedly...

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Cookie Monster Pipe

Discontinued

Holy crap, can you imagine how many cookies the Cookie Monster would eat if he were high? Possibly all the cookies in the world. Which in a way would be interesting to witness, but in a bigger way very sad, because then...