Booze

One Night Stand Choco-Tequila Potion

So many choice words surround this bottle of saucy booze. Its name, One Night Stand Potion. Its creator, Dude, Sweet Chocolate. Its ingredients, 100 anos tequila, agave, mixed origin South American chocolate, and Valrohna...

Underwood Wine in a Can

Real men shotgun Pinor Noir. Or maybe they'll start now anyway, since Union Wine Co. has transferred some of their Underwood Pinot Noir and Pinot Gris from pinky in the air, stick up yer ass bottles to backyard BBQ, salt...

F**king Hell Beer

$25.59 - $42.59 Firebox.com »

Any a-hole can name his beer F**king Hell and profit from the scandalous use of profanity, right? But how many of those a-holes can also stake legitimate and logical claims on the words' application?...

Toniiq Hangover Treatment

$28 Toniiq »

This Memorial Day weekend, I will metabolize my alcohol without damaging my liver! I will take Toniiq Lingzhi capsules the morning after my nights of heavy drinking and address the underlying metabolic process that causes...

Sriracha Vodka

Hello there, ma'am. Fine evening we're having, wouldn't you say? What's that in my hand you ask? Here, have a closer look...

Gin & Whisky Advent Calendars

$161.09 - $241.59 Firebox.com »

Do you see what it says on one of the drams in the Gin Advent Calendar?! Professor Cornelius! Professor Cornelius Impleforth! I can't stop laughing! Partly due to the thought of my friend Cornelius being a professor...

Ficks Cocktail Fortifier

Discontinued

Though there are many things I can do to prevent a hangover...yeah, Mama, not over-consuming alcohol is indeed one of them...I find drinking glass after glass of water, or eating Tums at 1-hour intervals, or restricting...

Snake Venom - World's (New) Strongest Beer

At this time last year, the World's Strongest Beer was Armageddon, a 330 mL bottle of malt, hops, a little sweetness, and an awesome 65% ABV crafted by Scottish brewery Brewmeister. This year, the World's New Strongest...

9mm Vodka

Who wants to be on the receiving end of a shot from a 9mm submachine gun? What if the shot came in a glass and made you feel weak-in-the-knees gooooood instead of weak-in-the-knees punctured in a vital organ? 9mm Vodka...

Ivanabitch Tobacco Vodka

Now that flavored vodkas have started to peak in trendiness--I saw Cilantro over the weekend--and most states are prohibiting smoking inside public places, it's only natural that some enterprising company would bring...

Star Trek Wine

Discontinued

Fancy Patrick Stewart is going to love sipping these brand new Star Trek wines from his Riedel stemware with a wedge of Brie and some dried figs, but I bet Shatner will just chug 'em straight out of the bottle alongside...

Mama Walker's Breakfast Liqueurs

Mama said WHAT? Mama said 2 parts Maple Bacon to 1 part Jameson for a breakfast of champions. Mama Walker's Breakfast Liqueurs cater to legit drinkers, legit breakfast lovers, and old people with no teeth who must follow...

Lip Chaser Liquor Buddy

Discontinued

Don't be too disappointed that Lip Chaser shot follow-ups contain no alcohol. Your shot will still have plenty of it, and Lip Chasers replace the booze with something much, much better: making out. An edible coating applied...

Ruckus Hoptimus Prime Beer

$6.49 - $87.99 Half Time »

Ruckus Brewing's Hoptimus Prime enjoys a wicked twist of irony: instead of transforming those who drink it into sage and powerful leaders of an elite race of impenetrable robots, at 9.0% ABV the double IPA reduces them...

Sober Up Detoxification Enhancer

$21 Sober Up »

I sure hope my balance, mental clarity, and liver are enjoying themselves right now because my rippin' headache has yet to feel the benefits of Sober Up, the detoxification enhancer I just chugged like Kool-Aid. I know...

Vaportini Liquor Inhaler

$39.99 - $149.99 Vaportini »

Those who do not live in Washington or Colorado, I have a consolation inhalation prize for you. A glass globe-and-funnel contraption straight out of the Real Genius chem lab, the Vaportini kit gassifies alcohol into a...

Mad Scientist Absinthe Kits

$31.50 - $79.50 Absinthes.com »

Sometimes it's fun to play mad scientist. Particularly when doing so involves hallucinogens. OK, so they removed the thujone component from absinthe, but still, 80% of any experience is perception, right? So if I think...

Homemade Gin Kit

$39.95 Homemade Gin »

Mommy, where does gin come from? Vodka, Bobby. Gin comes from vodka. At least if it's homemade. Shunning expensive, and possibly illegal, distilling equipment, the Homemade Gin Kit allows those who possess it to create...

Medea Custom LED Message Vodka

Medea Vodka is proof (80 proof, to be more specific) once again that what's on the inside really doesn't count. Because even if the liquor's crap, who doesn't want a vodka bottle with a programmable, running LED marquee...

Whisky Advent Calendar

$241.12 Master of Malt »

The holidays. A season of (incredibly long and growing longer) buildup. Of personal reflection. Of getting comprehensively sloshed and drowning the sorrows generated by such a long flippin' buildup and the unhappy outcome...

World's Strongest Beer

For Brewmeister's Armageddon, the number 65 almost inconceivably corresponds to two very important attributes of the beer: its price for a 330 ml bottle; and its alcohol content. Yep, $65 for 65% ABV. Brewer Lewis Shand...

The Football Briefcase

F nuclear codes and attacks. Booze, cards, Red Bull, cash, mints, and first aid are a real man's real tickets to power and life-altering--or at least night-altering--decisions. The briefcase. The weapons. The Football...

The Best Shots You've Never Tried

$0.96 Amazon »

Shots. In addition to proving (or destroying) your manhood, they are also the best way to clear out random bottles of cr�me de cacao, orange bitters, and Lillet Blanc from the back of your liquor cabinet. Seattle mixologist...

Ole Smoky Moonshine

The Ole Smoky Moonshine family has honed the art of whiskey makin' since the early days of Smoky Mountain settlement. Distilling was a way to survive during hard times, both in terms of economics and, we presume, morale...