70

Freedom Flask Liquor Bladder

By: on July 19, 2012
$24.95
Check It Out

Ahhh, summertime. 'Tis the season. To be sneaky. The Freedom Flask, in the same spirit of duplicity and cunning as the Nano Hummingbird Spy Camera and the iStash, aids users in their quests to do things they aren't supposed to behind the backs of those who would make them stop. Easily concealed under clothes as a belted pouch, the Freedom Flask holds up to 32 ounces of your favorite booze, which it covertly distributes through an open fly via its extendable hose and nozzle. Men, not only is it now possible to have two pants snakes, but it's possible for both to inspire equal and unmitigated displays of awe and reverence from those lucky enough to catch a glimpse of them. Ladies, say goodbye to your sobriety and better judgment. (Or wear a Freedom Flask yourself across the chesticular region, and garner some extra attention of your own!)

Freedom Flasks make trusty companions at overpiced or liquor-verboten:

  • Sporting events
  • Concerts and festivals
  • Bars and clubs
  • Golf courses
  • Movie theaters
  • Ski slopes
  • Office cubicles
  • Sunday services

Attached to each bladder is a 42-inch adjustable belt with secure-lock buckle. Flasks themselves are guaranteed leakproof, and made with safe, medical-grade materials in, naturally, none other than the US of A. Flask masters assure us carrying Freedom 'round the gut line is comfortable, and will pay for itself after a single use. Our one concern--well, aside from getting ejected from the Bieber concert we paid $150 a ticket for--is drinking beer at body temperature. Under a shirt, nestled up against our midsections, there's really no hope of pseudo-pissing out a cold one. Probably best to stick with hard alcohol flask fillers, and shoot directly into ice.

Check it out

Stormtrooper Whiskey Decanter & Shot Glass

$14.61 - $26.79 from The Fowndry »

A stormtrooper who's packing nothing but Jameson and a Buttery Nipple is my kind of stormtrooper. I bet in whiskey decanter and suspended glass forms they're even a decent shot. At least until round 7 or 8 when your own...

Buy Now

Liquor Log Booze Dispenser

$119 from Amazon »

Now this is the kind of Yule Log I'm talking about. How better to bring good tidings to you and all of your kin than with a nice bottle of Jameson or Jack chug-a-lugging out the tap on an urban harvested Ohio hardwood...

Check it out

Vaportini Liquor Inhaler

$39.99 - $149.99 from Vaportini »

Those who do not live in Washington or Colorado, I have a consolation inhalation prize for you. A glass globe-and-funnel contraption straight out of the Real Genius chem lab, the Vaportini kit gassifies alcohol into a...

Buy Now

Boobs Ice Luge

$29.99 from Amazon »

And you always thought she was an icy bitch because you couldn't get to second base. The Boob Luge puts a positive spin on the cold reality of interacting with women. Also, just like in the good ol' days of infancy, it...

Check it out

Vapshot Vaporized Alcohol System

$1,299 from Vapshot »

The Vapshot Mini Home System is a countertop liquor vaporizer. It looks kinda like an air pump at the gas station. It acts kinda like one too. Except instead of pumping on a hose to inflate your Goodyears, you'll suck...

Buy Now

Stainless Steel Alcohol / Moonshine Still

Sold Out from Amazon »

Items like the 10-gallon whiskey still and this stainless steel alcohol / moonshine still prove that making booze at home can be fun and worthwhile even when liquor is legal! According to TableTop Still, their DIY spirits...

Check it out

Jerry Can Bar Cabinet

$679 from AHA »

Some call it the can that won WWII. Even though the Germans created the Wehrmacht-Einheitskanister, American and British forces quickly copied the design and used it for the efficient storage and safe transport of fuel...

Buy Now

Ship in a Bottle Whiskey Decanter & Dispenser

$99 from Amazon »

I don't care how they got this ship in the bottle as long as I know how to get the booze it's sailing through out. A wood base handcrafted in Kentucky serves as a classy pedestal to the mounted glass whiskey decanter...

Buy Now

BenShot Bullet Shot Glass

$15 from Amazon »

Shot through the glass / And you're to blame / Guess I'm lucky you / Got bad aim (bad aim)....

Check it out

Mad Scientist Absinthe Kits

$31.50 - $79.50 from Absinthes.com »

Sometimes it's fun to play mad scientist. Particularly when doing so involves hallucinogens. OK, so they removed the thujone component from absinthe, but still, 80% of any experience is perception, right? So if I think...

Check it out

The Perfect Shot Secure Decanter

$89.95 from The Perfect Shot »

The Perfect Shot is a lockable decanter that keeps thirsty hands off your hooch. But here's an interesting lemon twist: those thirsty hands can include your own....

Buy Now

10 Gallon Whiskey Still

$665 from Amazon »

As I mentioned during my show-and-tell of the Black & Tan tool, I prefer whiskey to beer. Lots and lots of whiskey. Four gallons ought to do it. So someone pass me a 10-gallon whiskey still, a bag of distiller's yeast...