Accessories

The Run Lock

$44.99 from The Run Lock »

When I run...ha! This entry is already full of lies. The last time I ran I think I was 8 and the ice cream truck was about to get away before I ordered my pink sherbet foot with the gumball toenail! So let me start again....

HyperIce Vyper Vibrating Foam Roller

$199 from Amazon »

Hey look, it's a new BDSM toy for pain seekers muscle recovery tool for athletes. You've might have seen foam rollers here before, and you might have seen HyperIce brainchildren here before, but this hybrid of hurts so...

Short Sleeve Weighted Training Shirt

$249.99 from Amazon »

Here's a way to make yourself way less comfortable, but way more badass while working out. The TITIN Force is a complete weighted compression system all tucked into a short sleeve shirt. It utilizes a 3-part hyper gravity...

Couples' Infrared Sauna

$999 from Amazon »

I guess it's not technically a sauna for couples, but it is a sauna for 2 people and there's no way in hell I'm sharing such a small, sweaty (but slightly less sweaty than a regular sauna since infrared saunas are absorbed...

YogaToes Sport Gel Toe Stretchers

$36.95 from Amazon »

If you can get past the fact that they look like the things ladies wedge between their toes to paint them, YogaToes sport gel toe stretchers could make your life from the ankles down a lot more comfortable. YogaToes spread...

Elevation Training Mask 2.0

$79.99 from Amazon »

Trading in the original Elevation high altitude oxygen training mask for the lighter, more compact, and generally sexier 2.0 version is kind of the same as Justin Timberlake trading in Cameron Diaz for Jessica Biel:...

Hyperice - Recovery of the Future

$79.99 - $119.99 from Amazon »

When I feel a tinge of pain during my engagement in taxing pursuits of physical prowess, such as owning the squash court and attending Zumba classes, I calmly remove myself from the action--no matter how many feisty Latinas...

55-Gallon Barrel of Lube

$2,500 from Amazon »

The most disturbing thing about a 55-gallon barrel of lube is not so much that it's a flippin' 55-gallon barrel of lube, but that a 55-gallon barrel of lube costs over $2,000. I mean, I know people want to have this sort...

WODies CrossFit Gloves

$39.95 from Amazon »

WODies are gloves intended to support wrists and reduce hand tearing during a grueling CrossFit workout of the day, or WOD. WOD itself is pronounced "Waud". As in, "You'd have to give me a fat WOD of cash to do CrossFit."...

Boost Natural Energy - Oxygen in a Can

$10.18 from Amazon »

So they're selling air. And not even the far-out air that's been solidified into Aerogel, or the air sucked up by Mega Maid and officially licensed by Spaceball One, just plain old gaseous oxygen. In a can. Oh it's a...

Keon V1 Runner's Key Ring

$15 from Shapeways »

It won't give you superpowers, but it will hold your house key. So says David Tsai of his clever 3D-printed brainchild, the Keon V1. It may look like a warped Omega character, but if you're a runner this armed ring could...

Sucker Identifier

$0.01 from Amazon »

It looks like the powers that be, in a clandestine effort to identify all of the easily manipulated minds in the country, have incorporated a shell company to produce a bracelet which claims that just by wearing it, your...

Muse - Brain-Sensing Headband

$299 from Muse »

Headbands. They're not just for holding your hair back or making you look like Axl Rose anymore. In fact, Muse's headband can sense your brain. Or at least take its EEG readings, and use that information to help you learn...

Breathslim - Breathing Weight Loss Device

$29.94 from Amazon »

I feel like Bas Rutten made a similar, but much sexier-looking version (uh, relatively speaking) of this Breathslim weight loss contraption. His O2 trainer gets a lot of impassioned feedback here, both from advocates...

GoBe Automatic Calorie Intake Tracker

$125 from Healbe »

Healbe calls its GoBe wristband a 100% automatic body manager. Like the scads of other fitness trackers available and forthcoming today, this means it detects and provides feedback on biometrics such as heart rate, blood...

Atlas Next Level Fitness Monitor

$249 from Atlas »

For Atlas, "next level" in smart wearables means more than tracking heart rates, counting calories, and noting that you have just walked 22 steps when you sit in front of the TV with a plate of fried chicken and shake...

FlipBelt Fitness Storage Belt

$28.99 - $29.50 from Amazon »

One nice thing about the FlipBelt is that it doesn't appear to make you look like you're wearing a fanny pack or running to burn off that spare tire encircling your gut region. Slim, comfortable, and sturdy, the storage...

140-Pound Adjustable Weighted Vest

$349.99 from Amazon »

Of course, of course McConaughey runs in a weighted training vest. His pecs aren't schlepping around any 140 pounds of solid iron like this ZFL pullover though....

GORUCK Gym Bags

$75 - $95 from GORUCK »

GORUCK makes this pair of military-grade gym bags from 1000 D ballistic or double-layered CORDURA. As far as I can tell, that means they're burly and water resistant, but will probably grow to smell like a combination...

Stink Yourself Slim Spray

$39.99 from Amazon »

Stink Yourself Slim is not a joke. It's not a gag gift or an Instructables project some dude made at home to give to the lardass who hogs all of the chocolate long johns when someone brings donuts to work. Yeah, I know....

The BikeSpike

Discontinued

Maybe if theft hadn't plagued the rough & tumble town I grew up in, I would have learned to ride a bike when I was little. Genetic blessings of coordination and proprioception could have contributed to my cause too. Kids...

BackJoy Posture & Back Comfort Seat

$29.98 - $31.35 from Amazon »

A butt cup? Ten years ago I would have laughed my ass off if someone offered me one. But now that I'm old and decrepit with postural kyphosis and chronic low back pain, that laughing ass can't wait to plop itself down...

DolfinPack Wearable Water Storage

$36.97 from Amazon »

It's a Dolfin rather than a platypus because this water storage backpack for athletes and outdoor adventurers is the first hydration pack made to go underwater. So in addition to supporting the H2O levels of runners...

Aim - Body Composition & Muscle Analyzer

$149 - $199.99 from Skulpt »
What is the Skulpt Aim?

The Skulpt Aim analyzes body composition. Unlike a typical stand-up body fat scale, or even the more accurate method of submerging yourself in a tub of water for body fat testing, Aim measures...

Hammerhead - Bike Navigation System

$85 from Hammerhead »

Shark Week loyalists already know that the hammerhead group boasts enhanced sensory receptors and maneuvering skills. Plus, its butt ugly face, which looks to have been on the receiving end of a Bugs Bunny self-defense...

Amiigo Fitness Tracker

$99 - $119 from Amiigo »

What if you had a tiny device to track your reps, sets, duration, speed, and intensity? Would you work out more? Would you work out harder? Yeah, me neither, but I'd use it to barter with a strong, fit person who actually...

Jolt Concussion Detection Sensor

$80 from Jolt »

"Jolt is a wearable sensor that allows parents and coaches to track and evaluate their children's head impacts in real-time." I don't know why that line is so funny to me. Maybe because I've seen so much wearable tech...

Cold Rush Injury Therapy Machine

$150 from Amazon »

Fill a bag with ice, freeze gel packs, or let a machine do all the therapeutic work when your knee is swollen or you're rehabbing a slipped disc? I vote machine. Ossur's Cold Rush device is essentially a small cooler...

Pee-wee Herman Cycling Suit

$149.99 from Podium Cycling »

When I first heard about the Pee-wee Herman cycling suit I thought I had been proven wrong in my contention that nothing on earth could make cyclists look any more ridiculous than they already do. Seriously, does any...

Goji Play - Exercise Gaming Companion

$99.99 from Amazon »

Exergaming isn't new to the scene. From as far back as the NES Power Pad for track events to modern day fitness programs on the Wii and Kinect for jumping around with digital Shaun Ts, someone is always trying to slap...

Beastie Bar Deep Tissue Massager

$59.95 from Amazon »

They term the type of massage RumbleRoller's Beastie Bar delivers "aggressive." I think you could also call it "penetrating," "effectively deep," and "more painful than a head-butt in the hamstring from a unicorn." Look...

Gymboss Interval Timer

$19.95 from Amazon »

The Gymboss is the best timer I ever had. Even when I hate it and swear it is cheating me as it beeps my 10-second rest is up, and also am pretty sure that it is malfunctioning when it's not beeping that 60 seconds of...

Fitbit Aria Wi-Fi Smart Scale

$116.56 from Amazon »

Happy New Year! Here's something to make you feel fat, ugly, and depressed motivate and inspire you to reach your 2014 fitness goals! The Fitbit Aria Wi-Fi Smart Scale measures weight, body fat percentage, and body mass...

Portable Sauna

$175 from Amazon »

Although it appears to be a handy portable torture device for captured spies or fraternity pledges, what we actually have before us is an Infrared Sauna for at-home use. Replete with two, 600-watt heaters purported to...

LUMOback Posture Sensor

$149 from LUMOback »

While I would prefer a device and app that cures the back pain caused by my poor posture, I suppose a combo that encourages me to improve my posture to preclude back pain is...well...a distant second since it basically...

Smooshy Face Stress Balls

$40.70 from Kibardin Design »

Feeling stressed? Anxious? Aggressive? Don't take it out on the nonnative English speaker administering over-the-phone tech support, take it out on Ge!, Ni!, Ho!, and Poo! Cao Marus are smooshy Japanese stress relievers...

Bike Pump Seat Post

$39.99 from Amazon »

It's like sitting on air. Literally...yet...somehow minus the perceived comfort of actually sitting on air. Because although BioLogic's PostPump 2.0 has converted a high-capacity bicycle tire pump into a bicycle seat...

The Hydrosleeve

Discontinued

Water bottles for the arm may not be a novel concept, but the Hydrosleeve is the first water bladder I've seen that caters to the upper body's favorite appendage. For runners and people seeking a way to kiss their massive...

Fangs Mouthguard

Sold Out from Amazon »

Kick ass in the image of MMA Heavyweight Champ Andrei Arlovski, NBA Champ LeBron James, or Blood-Draining Champ Dracula. TITLE's Fang Mouthguard is made from PolyShok, a material they claim has 150% more energy absorbency...

WiFi Bathroom Scale and Health Tracker

$149.95 from Amazon »

The making of New Year's resolutions is behind us, and now we enter the murky waters of keeping them. And since increased exercise and improved diet are both the most frequently tried, and most frequently failed quests...

R2D2 Water Bottle

$210.59 from Amazon »

My preparations to defend the Galactic Republic during thrice-weekly light saber sparring sessions in the parking lot under I-5 were working up a wicked thirst. A thirst the water from those plebeian store-bought plastic...

Leather Head Handmade Football

Dude, I kid you not. It is August 9, and 2012 NFL Preseason has already begun. In fact, as your eyes skim these words, Green Bay and San Diego are in the midst of what is surely a dazzling spectacle of backup QBs boning...

LIT Extreme Sports Stat Tracker

$99 - $139 from NZN Labs »

Like other fitness monitors on the market, LIT can track common athletic pursuits, such as walking, running, and swimming. But it changes the game of stat hoarding and analysis with its integration of detection tools...