14

Vortix Eye Massager

By: on November 04, 2017
$129.99
Check It Out

Know what, besides the life-size Exorcist Regan doll, I can't unsee? The 10 hours I spent watching Vikings Season 4 on a plane back from Frankfurt last week. Mine eyes, they are strained and sore. Vortix says it can help. In fact, the digital eye massager goes so far as to say it can "restore [my] vision."

The electric Vortix fits over your ocular region like a chunky, hard plastic eye mask. Or a streamlined VR headset, if you prefer. It has 6 user-selected settings to massage eye and temple muscles, in an effort to relieve tension and stress. The latter could have accumulated due to excessive screen time, reading, driving, or staring too long down the Infinite Dungeon Corridor, and may also come with insomnia and headaches. With gentle kneading the Vortix relaxes your eyes' ciliary muscles to eliminate tension-related side effects. The movement also promotes blood circulation to help reduce puffiness and dark circles, which my She-Ra: Princess of Power says yeah right she'll believe when she sees it.

When not massaging your face, the Vortix folds in half to slip inside your nightstand alongside the Pulse III or Womanizer. Pro Tip: Don't confuse them.

Get a Vortix eye massager for 70% off retail price for a limited time.

Note: the Dude Exclusives online store is hosted and managed by Stack Commerce, a third party not directly affiliated with DudeIWantThat.com. All order, customer service, and general inquiries should be submitted through the Dude Exclusives Customer Support page. Inquiries submitted through other contact forms or channels may not receive a timely response.

Buy Now

Peeps Eyeglass Cleaner

$14.89 - $18.99 from Amazon »

Chicanery! I clicked on a link promising Peeps under the giddy assumption that I was going to get some marshmallow turkeys or chickies in Santa hats. And all I got was an eyeglass cleaner!...

Buy Now

Electric Head Massager

$165 from Amazon »

I want to know, you want to know, so we may as well just ask: does the electric head massager give good head? And if so, how good? What kind of good? Does it just find its grip and squeeze, or is there some steady, calculated...

Check it out

Zerobody Anti-Gravity Bed

The Zerobody is a sensory deprivation float tank that removes the one major P in the A side effect of floating: getting wet. (True, drowning is kind of a pain too, but most of these tanks have only about a foot of water...

Check it out

Muzo - Personal Zone Creator & Noise Blocker

$159 from indiegogo »

Muzo uses anti-vibration technology to turn the world off. (Makes sense, given the number of other devices that use pro-vibration technology to turn the world on--VibeRider, anyone?) At approximately the size and shape...

Check it out

The Bird's Nest Bed

The Bird's Nest Bed can accommodate up to 16 people at once. Take note swingers, Mormons, women undergoing IVF treatments, and the Duggar family! The giant basin of comfort was brainstormed and brought to life by O*GE...

Check it out

Eidos Superhuman Senses Gear

To determine whether or not Eidos has grounds to call itself "superhuman" I forced the gear to undergo rigorous, yet fair, questioning and testing....

Buy Now

Wurf Board Standing Desk Air-Spring Anti-Fatigue Mat

$199 - $269 from Amazon »

The Wurf Board lets you ride the waves...of unending emails...and hang ten...Excel spreadsheets of Q3 product reports...right from your desk, all day long. The anti-fatigue mat for standing desks doesn't just copy the...

Buy Now

Neck Carriage Titanium Palm Cap Stick

$35.95 from Amazon »

Ti Rod Tactical's Titanium Palm Cap Stick might be the most strangely versatile piece of EDC you can hang around your neck. The 5" long x 0.44" in diameter piece is made of an aerospace grade 5 titanium rod, surrounded...

Buy Now

Waves MFS Physio-Tactical Pocket Stick

Sold Out from Amazon »

Designer Rainer Wenning calls his Waves MFS a "physio-tactical" palm stick, which might be the best bit of pretentious, made-up terminology I've ever heard. Because what "physio-tactical" basically means is that after...

Check it out

Snooperscope - Smartphone Night Vision

$139 from Snooperscope »

The Snooperscope is a nifty smartphone or tablet accessory for hunters and fishermen seeking night vision. Athletes seeking to capture their accomplishments in the dark. Ghost hunters seeking validation of their obsession....

Check it out

The Softub

$3,595 - $5,195 from Softub »

Indoors, outdoors, on a dock in the middle of the river with a thatch roof on top. The Softub is the kind of hot tub that goes where and does what you tell it to. Without lip and without draining your wallet....

Check it out

X-Bows Mechanical Ergonomic Keyboard

$119 - $128 from Kickstarter »

I use an ergonomic keyboard at work, but its QWERTY configuration looks nothing like the X-Bows'. Nothing like a message from the aliens backlit by an RGB carnival. And these aliens want to help us. Help us...type faster...