Seatylock Bike Saddle Lock
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They'll still probably slash up your saddles just to be a-holes, but Seatylock hopes its clever security measures will simultaneously prevent thieves from stealing your bike...or your seat...and relieve you of the burden of schlepping around a heavy, cumbersome bike lock. As shown here in GIF form, Seatylock is a modular bicycle saddle that converts to a 1-meter solid lock.
Obviously, Seatylocks incorporate into the core of a bike's center of gravity. This eliminates the feel of carrying an attached U-lock, as well as ensures you'll never forget your lock at home. And if you forget your Seatylock key, well...sorry dude. Still SOL.
Seatylocks will be available in 2 styles, Trekking and Comfort, that have universal adapters for fitting to any standard bicycle. Once installed riders can adjust Seatylock saddles to their preferred butt-cradling positions. The Trekking version caters to cyclists out for a ride; it's light and agile but still (allegedly) comfortable. Seatylock Comfort better suits cruisers, and maybe commuter bikes, with its wider, cushier design. Both saddles will come in a range of colors.
Seatylock runs as a Kickstarter campaign through November 14, 2014.
Muchas danke to The Awesomer.