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Zombie Gnomes: Bye Bye Birdie/the-longboard-stroller-8023.jpg "The Longboard Stroller")
The Longboard Stroller: the future of kids and mobility. The Longboard Stroller: because every kid deserves to eat pavement at the hands of a parent who didn't see the raised edge in the sidewalk. The Longboard Stroller: Naw...
/nosefrida-the-snotsucker-nasal-7898.jpg "Nosefrida The Snotsucker Nasal Aspirator")
Father's Day is June 16th. I don't know about you, but I sure can't think of a better gift for a new dad than an apparatus that will allow him to suck the snot out of his kid's nose with his own mouth. And who says you have...
/TRON-LEGO-Light-Cycle-529.jpg?mode=crop "TRON LEGO Light Cycle")
If you can't afford the $55k price tag on the real TRON Light Cycle there's always this. And it's not a bad consolation prize. Are LEGOS the hippest toy around or what?...
/giant-squishy-beasts-6392.jpg "Giant Squishy Beasts")
Here are some giant squishy beasts--Squishables, officially--fashioned after the likes of the Narwhal, T-Rex, Yeti, Cthulhu, Polar Bear, and Android mascot. I know you don't want one. But look: they appear to make ladies happy....
/glowinthedark-spit-balls-5615.jpg "Glow-in-the-Dark Spit Balls")
How many things are there not to like about spit balls that glow in the dark, cost under $5, grow to 200 times their starting size when soaked in water...or, you know, spit...and explode upon target impact? Zero. Zero things...
/gyrowheel-self-stabilizing-6519.jpg "Gyrowheel - Self-Stabilizing Training Wheel")
Anyone who's tried to teach a kid to ride a bike without training wheels knows that teaching a kid to ride a bike without training wheels is kind of a pain in the ass. First of all, they have trouble following simple instructions, such as "Hold the handlebars straight," and "Don't fall over." Second, they make unreasonable demands, such as "Don't let go!" and "Daddy, my face is bleeding! I want...
/giant-talking-chewbacca-3684.jpg "Giant Talking Chewbacca")
Life-sized is still a few feet away, but this giant Chewbacca plush toy measures in at a formidable 24" tall x 15" wide. Which is probably bigger than the kid you're going to pretend you're buying him for. And when you press...
/Glow-In-The-Dark-Graffiti-466.jpg?mode=crop "Glow In The Dark Graffiti")
The nocturnal trouble maker's dream. Powered with UV light, you can now tarnish bridges, overpasses and subway stations without fear of your genius being hidden once the sun goes down. It's very complicated vandalism and you...
/star-wars-baby-mobile-6716.jpg "Star Wars Baby Mobile")
So I get that this Star Wars baby mobile is probably hand spun from fine wool and all, but is the wool shorn from golden fleeced sheep? Does the miniature Millennium Falcon also contain a miniature Han Solo and Chewie? Who...
/flying-led-helicopter-toy-5648.jpg "Flying LED Helicopter Toy")
Apparently, these tchotchkes--Arrow Helicopters, officially--are huge in Thailand. Their tiny propellers, attached LED lights, easy-to-use tautened rubber band launch pads, and relative cheapness (about $4 for a deuce) give...
If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.
And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.
The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.
/tekno-black-light-bubbles-3113.jpg "Tekno Black Light Bubbles")
There is a detailed scientific explanation for why otherwise-translucent Tekno Bubbles glow majestic blues and golds under the phosphorescent umbrella of a black light, but we were so Svengalied by the pretty colors we forgot...
/Little-Vampire-Pacifier-1630.jpg "Little Vampire Pacifier")
The marketing photos for this vampacifier aren't that impressive. They make it look like a good idea that was poorly executed. Kind of like the entire Twilight book series. Or the WTF-looking children of Bruce Willis and Demi...
/The-Bug-Hunter-837.jpg?mode=crop "The Bug Hunter")
It's official, the Japanese have surpassed us technologically in every way now. Our American fly swatters are akin to a caveman's club vs. cologne when compared to this super great happy time bug sucker. Have fun sucking....
/electric-paper-airplane-kit-4520.jpg "Electric Paper Airplane Kit")
Weeeee! Here comes the airplane! And this time it's powered by a rechargeable electric module instead of elbow grease or, worse, puréed Gerber carrots. The Electric Paper Airplane Kit adds a definitive boost to the winged...
/Baby-Dumbbell-Rattle-1451.jpg?mode=crop "Baby Dumbbell Rattle")
In a pickle because you skipped the birth of your first child to compete in the 2011 CrossFit Games? Make it up to your wife, and prepare your bundle of joy for the road of high intensity interval training that lies ahead...
/Robot-Construction-Kit-1835.jpg "Robot Construction Kit")
Modular Robotics brings you and your kids (but probably mostly you, given how they don't want to make or build things when they can watch TV and play video games, and their fine motor skills are seemingly stunted anyway, and...
/Crayola-Crayon-Maker-1605.jpg?mode=crop "Crayola Crayon Maker")
No way! It's like the Sesame Street crayon factory from 1979 compressed and at your fingertips! It's time to melt old, broke-down crayons into new, perfectly-shaped mini crayons in dazzling swirled hues. More importantly...
/jelly-belly-scented-bubbles-2306.jpg "Jelly Belly Scented Bubbles")
Let's face it... kids are gonna try and eat the damn bubbles anyway. So rather than having them inadvertently wash their own mouths out with the soapy bubble taste (lest it make them immune to future punishments for cursing)...
/Ultra-Stomp-Rocket-1591.jpg?mode=crop "Ultra Stomp Rocket")
No batteries, no gun powder, no electricity. Just good old fashioned oxygen. And these babies fly up to 200 feet in the air... or plenty far enough to hit your little sister in the face from the other side of the room. Stomp...
/The-Worlds-Most-Powerful-Laser-100.jpg?mode=crop "The World's Most Powerful Laser")
