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Cat-Opoly

By: on December 10, 2015
$21.89
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Cat-Opoly is a Monopoly for people who really, really, really like cats. And cat videos, cat memes, cat selfies, cat forums, cat Reddit threads.... Yes, it's basically Monopoly for crazy cat ladies (and crazier cat dudes). And I'm not just saying that based on the title or the catification of the iconic board and tokens. I'm saying that based on the rules of play, which are to buy up as many cats as you can. The Tonkinese, the Ragdoll, the Abyssinian, the Sphinx, the Maine Coon--better start winning those dolla dolla bills 'cause it's cat hoarding time!

Instead of passing Go, in Cat-Opoly you SCAT! and collect $200. And instead of landing in jail you land in a cat's worst nightmare: the bathtub. Or some body of water that leaves you out dripping for 3 turns. Playing pieces include a milk bottle, mouse, sardines, cat food, fish, and ball of yarn.

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Wobbling Willy - Your Face on a Dildo (NSFW)

Dudes, check out the Wobbling Willy's practical application for all those selfies you've been taking. Your face on a dildo. A way, way sexier (and more functional!) gift for your girlfriend than that framed dick pic you...

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How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety

$8.49 from Amazon »

A must-read for every cat parent! How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives consolidates 8 crucial public service pamphlets into a clear...

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Breaking Bad RV Incense Burner

$29.99 from ThinkGeek »

Ah, the Breaking Bad RV Incense Burner. [Cue nostalgia.] Reminds me just how much I miss the Krystal Ship. I can't believe it's been 4 years since Heisenberg & Pinkman cooked their last batch. I hope things turn out better...

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Whiskey River Sarcastic Soaps

$8.95 from Whiskey River »

Whiskey River Soaps are like modern-day Shakespearean comedies. Insightful in reading people. Precise in their social commentary. Charming and funny. And, to complement our 21st century needs, not tl;dr, and serving more...

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$20,000 Hypoallergenic Designer House Cat

Discontinued

The Ashera is possibly the only cat that is acceptable for a single male to own. Because it's about the size of an ocelot, and weighs 30 freakin' pounds. And that's 30 pounds of genetically-gifted muscle, not 30 pounds...

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Cute Ass Animals Underwear

$35 - $56 from Etsy »

Etsy vendor Nichola's Knickerockers, underwear with adorable animal faces strategically sewn across one of my favorite places on earth, are pricey. But to all ladies who often get mistaken for Victoria's Secret models...

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Cat Battle Armor

$500 - $520 from Etsy »

Quick, someone get this cat a lance! He's scheduled to joust one of the guinea pigs from G-Force at high noon and only just finished his battle armor fitting. I don't know if he's ready for this. The pigs have been training...

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A Die Hard Christmas

$12.80 from Amazon »

Yippee Ki Yay! A Die Hard Christmas: The Illustrated Holiday Classic is going to be on every kid's man's gift list this year. (Kids probably won't want it. They'll think the John McClane brand of killing and violence...

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LED Stickman Costumes

$69.99 - $98 from Glowy Zoey »

Why wear a reflective vest when you can turn yourself into a giant glowing human stickman before heading out at night? Sure, they call this YouTube phenomenon made popular by Little "Glowy" Zoey a costume, but I don't...

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Kobayashi Mug

Sold Out from Amazon »

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that...he's gone....

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The Harambed

It's called The Harambed. Lucid Mattress says it's the bed of your memes. And I know if you've been meming at all over the past year, you've been meming about Harambe, haven't you? Well put on your PJs and snuggle in...

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Time: Man of the Year Mirror

$28.99 from Amazon »

Are you a Lebowski achiever? This Time: Man of the Year Mirror is a Dude-approved addition to your bar, bedroom, or office wall. It will give you a little boost when you're down, and a little motivation before your big...