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How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety

By: on September 13, 2017
$8.49
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A must-read for every cat parent! How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives consolidates 8 crucial public service pamphlets into a clear, Q&A-style book that will help all cat owners teach their kitties to stay safe, be smart, and make good, pure decisions.

As only those who have them understand, raising a cat is big task that comes with great responsibility. It's about much more than cooking healthy feline dinners and potty training. Your precious baby only 9 lives to live. In How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety, Zachary Auburn provides straightforward and firm, but also supportive advice on how to ensure Jasper or Lily doesn't waste a single one. In addition to basic gun talks and safety lesson, the guide covers threats ranging from online predators to surviving in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Specific questions addressed include:

  • "What is the right age to talk to my cat about the proper use of firearms?"
  • "What are the benefits of my cat living a lifestyle of abstinence?"
  • "Why does my cat need to use the internet? Can't he just play with yarn like cats used to do?"

How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety will feel right at home on any cat lover's coffee table, plus makes a fun gag or novelty gift for birthdays and white elephant parties.

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Faking It: How to Seem Like a Better Person

$9.01 from Amazon »

...Without Actually Improving Yourself. As a self-help book, Faking It adds a delightful twist: you don't have to journal or meditate or talk about your feelings or change at all to help yourself. You just have to perfect...

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Whiskey River Sarcastic Soaps

$8.95 from Whiskey River »

Whiskey River Soaps are like modern-day Shakespearean comedies. Insightful in reading people. Precise in their social commentary. Charming and funny. And, to complement our 21st century needs, not tl;dr, and serving more...

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$20,000 Hypoallergenic Designer House Cat

Discontinued

The Ashera is possibly the only cat that is acceptable for a single male to own. Because it's about the size of an ocelot, and weighs 30 freakin' pounds. And that's 30 pounds of genetically-gifted muscle, not 30 pounds...

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Cat Battle Armor

$500 - $520 from Etsy »

Quick, someone get this cat a lance! He's scheduled to joust one of the guinea pigs from G-Force at high noon and only just finished his battle armor fitting. I don't know if he's ready for this. The pigs have been training...

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The Complaint Department Grenade Sign

$9.99 from Amazon »

When I saw this "Complaint Department" sign with a "Please take a number" directive pointing right at the pin of a grenade, I first assumed it was meant for the office. I know my boss would sure like to have one....

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Wooden Cat Pile Stacking Game

$19.99 from Amazon »

This desktop-sized Wooden Cat Pile game is the only way I'd let another 6 cats in my house. The only! Do you hear that, She-Ra: Princess of Power? And agreeing even to that much is very generous of me. I can already see...

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Iron Throne Cat Bed

$198 from Etsy »

Is your cat the rightful heir to the FELIRON THRONE? A bright spot in my week of Game of Thrones withdrawal (2019? 2019?!) Kate Agafonova's Iron Throne Cat Bed invites kitties from all families - royals, wardens, lords...

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Samurai Pet Armor for Cats & Dogs

Don't let that samurai-armored Shiba Inu's smile fool you. The dog is ready for feudal Japan levels of combat. See his samurai sword? Hiding there in his mouth? If I were you I'd armor up, find a weapon, and brace yourself....

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Boob Cube

$9.50 from Amazon »

The Boob Cube is for idiots. And for geniuses. And for idiots who want to convince people they're really geniuses. And for geniuses you want to make feel like idiots. So, yeah, pretty much an ideal gift for any person...

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Anonymously Send Sh*t

Discontinued

If you know a lot of assholes, you know what it's like to deal with their shit. Now, it's time to return the favor. ShitSenders.com enables the shat upon to send steaming piles of Don't get mad, get even to inconsiderate...

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Taxidermy Animal Drones

When I first read about, but hadn't yet seen, Copter Company's taxidermy animal drones I though they just sounded kinda goofy. Then I got a look at the Orvillecopter here. A spread-eagle taxidermied quad-cat-ter flying...

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SureFlap Microchip Pet Door

$150 - $170.99 from Amazon »

Tired of the neighbor's cat Willard and his local gang of raccoons letting themselves in your dog door to clean you out of tuna fish and play poker at your kitchen table? Lock them out with SureFlap's Microchip Pet Door...