Books

The Fetish Coloring Book (NSFW)

$9.72 from Amazon »

That's a nice strap-on you've got there, ma'am, but I think it could use a little more color....

Little Book of Butts (NSFW)

$9.99 from Amazon »

We have big books of breasts...in 3D. On top of coloring books of vaginas. Smashed next to coloring books of multiple anatomical parts interlocking with other anatomical parts. To complete the nudie sandwich, I think...

Oh, the Places You'll Eff Up

$11.88 from Amazon »

Know someone who's about to graduate college? Stressing, lying awake at night thinking, Now what? For me it was business as usual. Chillin', mowwin', gamin' at my mama's house with my friend Cornelius. But then one day...

Big Book of Big Breasts 3D (NSFW)

$42.25 - $55.89 from Amazon »

I spent most of the day contemplating how I might discuss The Big Book of Breasts 3D with the great respect and deference I feel for it and its contents, but without sounding too dry, detached, or clinical. Unfortunately...

Proper Etiquette for the Modern Degenerate

$16.24 from Amazon »

Are you the Grand Poobah of politically incorrect? Then I recommend sitting down for a session with Mr. Manners. Not to "fix" yourself into another sociopolitical drone, but to learn how to continue talking trash, playing...

Sneaky Uses for Everyday Things

$9.63 from Amazon »

Sneaky and shady basically mean the same thing, but for some reason sneakiness manages to carry an air of charm, whereas shadiness makes everyone want to steer clear of the jackhole who will short you on his portion of...

Rude Hand Gestures of the World

$10.65 from Amazon »

"Evolutionary anthropologists tell us that gesture is much older than speech." So begins Romana Lefevre's Rude Hand Gestures of the World: A Guide to Offending without Words. What follows? Pictures! Lots and lots of pictures!...

Codex Seraphinianus: World's Strangest Book

$79.55 from Amazon »

First published in 1981, the radically strange and unparalleled Codex Seraphinianus took Italian architect, illustrator, and industrial designer Luigi Serafini 2-1/2 years to complete. What is it? Aside from floating...

The Big Coloring Book of Vaginas (NSFW)

$300 from Amazon »

Is further product description really needed? First there was Georgia O'Keefe, now there is author and illustrator Morgan Hastings. Black-and-white outlines of anatomical wonders beg for your acrylic and Crayola technicolor...

Images You Should Not Masturbate To

$9.95 from Amazon »

If you're wondering if its title is true, feed your curiosities with the photo of the dog that looks like George Costanza's mom in this book of Images You Should Not Masturbate To. And I thought the salt shaker was bad....

Sex Positions You Never Thought Possible (NSFW)

$17.99 from Amazon »

Remember that one time you let some chick drag you to hot yoga because she too was hot and you wanted to see her do bendy things in spandex pants, but then you ended up spending the whole class lying on your back trying...

How to Live with a Huge Penis

$10.46 from Amazon »

Puberty was a really uncomfortable and difficult time for me. To the point that my mama went out and hired a shrink. At the end of the second session though he put his pen down and said, "Son, you really don't need me....

Color My Boobs Adult Coloring Book

$9.99 from Amazon »

Ugh, I am so sick of writing about boobs. Haha...sike! Particularly when the boobs come in so many exhilarating shapes and sizes and practically beg to be caressed. OK, so they're made of ink and paper, and technically...

Roustan Body Paint Photo Book (NSFW)

$60 from Paul Roustan »

I can't do what body paint artist Paul Roustan does. And while I definitely have the body to serve as one of his subjects, my mama always tells me that modesty is a virtue, and also that she'll be forever grateful that...

An Illustrated Book of Bad Arguments

$11.73 from Amazon »

Know what they say? If you're arguing with an idiot, make sure he isn't doing the same thing. Know who heeds that advice? Almost no one engaging in an argument on the Internet. But author Ali Almossawi has decided to...

Cooking for Geeks

$22.71 from Amazon »

If you're going to geek out on something, I feel like the kitchen will produce the best returns. Example: Geeking out on cosplay and crafting the most badass Jabba the Hutt costume ever for San Diego Comic-Con probably...

Crap Taxidermy - Stuffing Gone Wrong

$6.95 from Amazon »

Kat Su has poured the best (and by that I mean strangest and most perverse) of her Tumblr crappytaxidermy.com into a coffee table book sure to make your coffee table the least popular gathering place in town. Crap Taxidermy...

What If? - Real Answers to Absurd Hypotheticals

$14.40 from Amazon »

In his What If?: Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions author Randall Munroe goes beyond standard ricoculous queries, like What if I was in a free falling elevator but jumped in the air at the exact...

Enchanted Forest: An Inky Quest & Coloring Book

$10.02 from Amazon »

Enchanted Forest: An Inky Quest & Coloring Book is kind of like The Legend of Zelda in that you collect trinkets and clues along the way to help you reach the castle and discover the secret it holds at the end of your...

The Art of Eating through the Zombie Apocalypse

$14.42 from Amazon »

In addition to The Art of Eating through the Zombie Apocalypse can I get one called The Art of Fighting Indigestion through Christmas Day? From my mama's cinnamon rolls and egg casserole at breakfast to the 6-pack of...

A Gronking to Remember

$7.19 from Amazon »

A Gronking to Remember, or as the late mayor of Boston, Tom Menino would call it, A Gonking to Remember is the first! in the Rob Gronkowski erotica series. E L James move over. And for that matter, Twain, Hemmingway...

Kama Pootra: 52 Mind-Blowing Ways to Poop

$8.65 from Amazon »

Both the best and the worst part about the Kama Pootra is that many of its 52 Mind-Blowing Ways to Poop turn a visit to the crapper into a group activity. I mean, on the one hand, who couldn't use a little help pinching...

Atlas of Prejudice 2: Chasing Horizons

$15.83 from Amazon »

Atlas of Prejudice 2: Chasing Horizons is the latest in Bulgarian visual artist Yanko Tsvetkov's Mapping Stereotypes project. The ever-expanding collection includes maps of sardonic--and often thought-provoking, introspective...

The Big Coloring Book of Sex Positions

Sold Out from Amazon »

According to The Big Coloring Book of Sex Positions, "Sex curls our toes, sparks our imagination, delightfully stimulates a multitude of sensations, makes us have funny faces, makes us docile and makes us crazy." Apparently...

Thug Kitchen

$14.87 from Amazon »

Thug Kitchen, in the piped icing vein of What the F*@# Should I Make for Dinner, has parlayed a recipe blog and the gratuitous use of profanity into a cookbook. And although I'm pretty sure noting Thug Kitchen on the...

Atlas of Prejudice: Mapping Stereotypes

$15.83 from Amazon »

Atlas of Prejudice: Mapping Stereotypes is a compilation and continuation of the Mapping Stereotypes project created by visual artist Yanko Tsvetkov. That's a curt, dispassionate way of saying the Atlas of Prejudice stockpiles...

The Married Kama Sutra

$13.60 from Amazon »

The Married Kama Sutra: The World's Least Erotic Sex Manual extols both the wild and nuanced interactions of married life, and categorizes them--with illustrations--into the next echelon of the ancient Indian guide to...

You Have to F**king Eat

$12.30 from Amazon »

If I had a kid I think I would be way more concerned about it not going the fuck to sleep than not fucking eating because, I mean, the hours from bedtime to the ass crack of dawn when the kid inevitably wakes back up...

People I Want to Punch in the Face

$9.99 from Etsy »

A comprehensive collection of people you want to punch in the face. This is the little black book anyone can fill. In fact, it would probably be a good idea to order a few Rude Books, 'cause you know you're gonna want...

The Bounty Hunter Code

$59.99 from Amazon »

Around the time legendary bounty hunter Boba Fett tumbled into the Great Pit of Carkoon, the Rebel Alliance discovered a secure, blast-proof bounty hunter's case holding Boba Fett's personal items. For years it remained...

Fight Club 2 Comic Series

It's all part of The Game. Wait, no, that's not it. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was... Nope, not that one either (but check out the latest homage to Keyser Soze here). The first rule of Fight Club is...yeah...

Girlfriend Written Performance Evaluation

$7.95 from Amazon »

Matthew Bowers' Girlfriend Written Performance Evaluation caters to all boyfriends. Meaning both the nice ones and the honest ones. The nice ones can blanket graded areas ranging from Cooking to Money & Finances to Gaming...

Between the Lines: An Expert Level Coloring Book

Sold Out from Amazon »

Why does Between the Lines: An Expert Level Coloring Book exist as a Kindle Edition? I mean, I don't really use much technology aside from my flip phone and Apple IIGS, but I feel like the appeal of a coloring book, particularly...

Book of Sith: Secrets from the Dark Side

$173.59 from Amazon »

This is the time of year that we gather up all the crap we got for Christmas and return it/sell it on Craig's List so we can use the money to buy the stuff we really want. Like the Vault Edition of Book of Sith: Secrets...

How to Poo on a Date

$9.72 from Amazon »

Now that I've learned How to Poo at Work, plus How to Pee with Morning Wood, it's time I overcome my next, and perhaps my greatest, hurdle in life: How to Poo on a Date. How do I poo on a date? I've often wondered. Obviously...

Bedtime Stories for Children You Hate

$9.99 from Amazon »

If I wrote a book, Bedtime Stories for Children You Hate is exactly what I'd call it. Well, that or Yeah, You're a Pedestrian and Technically Have the Right of Way, but If You March into the Street All Self-Entitled Without...

101 Places to Get F*cked Up Before You Die

$10.90 from Amazon »

F*cked up? I prefer to think of it as irreverently incapacitated. But that's just because I'm a pillar of class even when I'm challenging a Belgian vagabond to a Fireball shooting contest in a Buenos Aires bar, and then...

The Manual to Manhood

$11.54 from Amazon »

Some dude at work gave me this Manual to Manhood malarkey. Like, he was under the impression that I don't know how to tie a tie or cook a steak or change my oil. Which is true, but I'm not sure why I'd waste my time reading...

The Best Wrong Test Answers Book

$8.44 from Amazon »

The lowest frequency noise a human ear can detect: a mouse. The highest: Mariah Carey. At least according to one points-for-creativity-deserving test taker included in F in Exams: The Very Best Totally Wrong Test Answers....

Baking Bad: A Parody in a Cookbook

$14.55 from Amazon »

Now that Breaking Bad is over it's time to cook up your own meth...cupcakes. Or, I don't know, maybe it's just blue food coloring in the mix and rock candy on top. Whatever, fans of the show going through Walter White...

Japanese Flipbooks

$15.80 - $23.37 from Amazon »

Rabbit with Long Ear is by far the most profound book I've read...ever. In 0 words and less than 5 seconds it provides a stirring and stark look into the life of a creature cursed with inordinately long lobes who refuses...

The 1990s Coloring Book

$7.82 from Amazon »

So a couple weeks ago I was my mama was watching the Saved By the Bell movie on Lifetime and I inadvertently saw a scene or two. I had no idea, no idea! that Zack Morris got it on with Lisa Turtle in real life. Only she...

How to Archer

$11.17 from Amazon »

Did you just get turned down for yet another job at the town spy agency? Did the seamstress chortle when you brought in your new suit to be hemmed? Has it been a long...long...time since you've had sex? If you're entering...

Pat the Zombie Book

$9.15 from Amazon »

Kiddie classic Pat the Bunny has been zombified. Pat the Zombie is a morbid adult spoof on the revered literary tome that famously commands children to touch it, scratch it, sniff it, and put it in your mouth. Only this...

Pornogami

$13.06 from Amazon »

Here we have a book about one of my favorite topics. Yeah, that's right. Origami. Apologies that the only samples I could find during my Google image search of the sexy paper creation instructions contained in Pornogami:...

The Inspiration Pad

$30 from TM »

If you're in search of your next great idea and don't happen to be sitting under an incandescent lightbulb suspended in mid-air, maybe the Inspiration Pad can help. Breaking all the rules of the college-ruled, this notebook...

The Jedi Path: A Manual for Students of the Force

$59.99 from Amazon »

According to high-ranking officers of the Galactic Republic, through wars and rebellion, only a single copy of The Jedi Path: A Manual for Students of the Force has survived. They add, "It is now passed on to you." Holy...

How to Travel the World on $50 a Day

$10.78 from Amazon »

Matt Kepnes has spent years traveling the world on the cheap. For the past 5 or so he's been blogging about it under the name Nomadic Matt, sharing his secrets and tips with other wannabe explorers on a budget. So now...

Will It Waffle?

$7.47 from Amazon »

The questions that keep us awake at night: Am I about to get canned? How am I going to tell her I spent the money for new minivan tires on a really sick crossbow? Is that lump under my armpit a gland or cancer? Will it...

Bushcraft 101 Wilderness Survival Guide

$13.71 from Amazon »

You can buy the gear with a few mouse clicks, but once it's loaded onto your back and holstered around your paracord belt, will you know how to put it to good use? In his Bushcraft 101: A Field Guide to the Art of Wilderness...

Naughty Connect the Dots (NSFW)

$226.86 from Amazon »

Geez, even connect the dots sex looks complicated. There must be 200 numbers in each of these puzzles, and good luck trying to figure out what's lurking behind the connective ink lines before putting in the elbow grease....

Your Couch Guestbook

$12.96 from Amazon »

Welcome to my couch. It's a privilege to be your host for the evening. Please sign in here so I'll have a record of your attendance...other than the ass print you'll leave behind...in the coming years. Can I get you anything?...

Introductory Calculus for Infants

$11.66 from Amazon »

One reviewer notes that Introductory Calculus for Infants reads exactly as advertised, except that it won't teach your baby--or you--how to do calculus. She goes on to opine that all who actually expect a children's book...

Transformers: The Covenant of Primus

$59.99 from Amazon »

Star Wars gets an entire series of transforming vaults revealing the histories and dogmas of its most famous characters, so it only makes sense that a legendary hero with an equally illustrious past--plus the actual ability...

Tequila Mockingbird: Cocktails with a Literary Twist

$10.99 from Amazon »

English majors and word nerds, get your snorts and snickers ready. And everyone else rolling your eyes, get your glasses ready. I'm sure Tequila Mockingbird: Cocktails with a Literary Twist will seem hilarious to you...

The Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Historia

$19.63 from Amazon »

People who cannot read Japanese rejoice. Dark Horse Books and Nintendo have published an English version of The Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Historia, which is now available for pre-order. The Triforce unites and soars to...

LEGO Weapons Builder's Guide

$24.95 from No Starch Press »

LEGO Heavy Weapons, a guide to transforming the iconic building blocks into equally iconic firearms, is author Jack Streat's debut book. Just prior to its publication, he worked full-time at Algebra 2, driver's ed, and...

Everybody Poops 410 Pounds a Year

$7.93 from Amazon »

Everybody poops 410 pounds a year. Heh. Given what I've been downing today, at least 5 of those pounds are going to show themselves to me sometime between 5:00 and 10:00 tomorrow morning. Author Deuce Flanagan reminds...

The Snuggie Sutra

$11.30 from Amazon »

The Snuggie Sutra, Lex Friedman and Megan Morrison's how-to guide to fleecing up your sex life, brings 3 things to mind. 1) The lingering misery of winter. 2) March Madness. 3) Yam bags....

Proof: The Science of Booze

$19.13 from Amazon »

Proof: Booze Makes Everything Better. No, not really. Well I mean, yes, that's really true of course, but it's not really the name of the book. Proof: The Science of Booze is its accurate title. But I'm pretty sure that...

Star Wars: Jedi Academy

$9.67 from Amazon »

Well, Star Wars: Jedi Academy doesn't come in a sweet mechanical vault or reveal ancient secrets of the Jedi discipline like The Jedi Path, but I bet it will be an easier purchase to share with your kids. I mean that...

Star Wars: The Blueprints

$59.99 from Amazon »

In Star Wars: The Blueprints, "the meticulously researched text gives voice to the groundbreaking and brilliant engineers, designers, and artists that have, in film after film, created the most imaginative and iconic...

How to Cook Everything Fast

$21 from Amazon »

I think cooking is cool as long as I'm on the receiving end of its spoils. For example, I like fried chicken, smoked brisket, homemade croissants, lasagna, apple hand pies, and those cheesy potatoes with Corn Flakes on...

Guy Code: Unleash Your Manhood

$4.24 from Amazon »

Noah Levenson took 15 principles from MTV2's Guy Code and funneled them into his daily life in an attempt to realize his full potential as a man. The result? He has overtaken the body of Chuck Norris. Guy Code: Unleash...

S**t Happens So Get Over It

$7.95 from Amazon »

Shit Happens So Get Over It. Is the title not inspiration enough? I'm not sure I even need to read beyond the cover to figure out that this book would like me to suck it up. And rightly so. Times are tough. We could all...

The Big Black Book of Very Dirty Words

$14.78 from Amazon »

The Big Black Book of Very Dirty Words includes a fair number of terms I would use in my grandma's presence. "Auxter", an Irish/Scottish slang term for armpit. "Apples", meaning breasts. "All that and a bag of chips"...