/The-TRON-Light-Cycle-408.jpg?mode=crop){kind=small}
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Zombie Gnomes: Bye Bye Birdie/the-big-book-of-big-breasts-3d-7800.jpg "Big Book of Big Breasts 3D (NSFW)")
I spent most of the day contemplating how I might discuss The Big Book of Breasts 3D with the great respect and deference I feel for it and its contents, but without sounding too dry, detached, or clinical. Unfortunately...
/images-you-should-not-6805.jpg "Images You Should Not Masturbate To")
If you're wondering if its title is true, feed your curiosities with the photo of the dog that looks like George Costanza's mom in this book of Images You Should Not Masturbate To. And I thought the salt shaker was bad. Self-described...
/color-my-boobs-adult-coloring-6932.jpg "Color My Boobs Adult Coloring Book")
Ugh, I am so sick of writing about boobs. Haha...sike! Particularly when the boobs come in so many exhilarating shapes and sizes and practically beg to be caressed. OK, so they're made of ink and paper, and technically a set of crayons is meant to do the caressing, but hey, beggars who don't want to drop $500 at a strip club can't be choosers, right?...
/the-wwe-encyclopedia-8207.jpg?mode=crop "The WWE Encyclopedia")
I gained a new respect for the "fake" sport of WWF* wrestling after seeing that horribly depressing movie The Wrestler with Mickey Rourke and watching those guys move through the ranks by pulling moves like body slamming one...
/the-big-coloring-book-of-vaginas-2211.jpg "The Big Coloring Book of Vaginas (NSFW)")
Is further product description really needed? First there was Georgia O'Keefe, now there is author and illustrator Morgan Hastings. Black-and-white outlines of anatomical wonders beg for your acrylic and Crayola technicolor...
/bedtime-stories-for-children-7771.jpg "Bedtime Stories for Children You Hate")
If I wrote a book, Bedtime Stories for Children You Hate is exactly what I'd call it. Well, that or Yeah, You're a Pedestrian and Technically Have the Right of Way, but If You March into the Street All Self-Entitled Without Making Sure I See You First and Am Going to Stop, When I Hit You I Might Get an Enormous Ticket but You're Going to Get Dead. As it stands, Antoinette Bergin got to the hell...
/i-could-pee-on-this-and-other-8063.jpg "I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats")
Even though my distaste for cats is such that I kind of wish someone would lock all of them in a bell tower scheduled to be lit on fire, I've read a few of the entries from this I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats...
/girlfriend-written-performance-6611.jpg "Girlfriend Written Performance Evaluation")
Matthew Bowers' Girlfriend Written Performance Evaluation caters to all boyfriends. Meaning both the nice ones and the honest ones. The nice ones can blanket graded areas ranging from Cooking to Money & Finances to Gaming...
/pornogami-7212.jpg "Pornogami")
Here we have a book about one of my favorite topics. Yeah, that's right. Origami. Apologies that the only samples I could find during my Google image search of the sexy paper creation instructions contained in Pornogami: A...
/the-big-black-book-of-very-7552.jpg "The Big Black Book of Very Dirty Words")
The Big Black Book of Very Dirty Words includes a fair number of terms I would use in my grandma's presence. "Auxter", an Irish/Scottish slang term for armpit. "Apples", meaning breasts. "All that and a bag of chips", a phrase...
If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.
And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.
The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.
/the-jedi-path-a-manual-for-6164.jpg "The Jedi Path: A Manual for Students of the Force")
According to high-ranking officers of the Galactic Republic, through wars and rebellion, only a single copy of The Jedi Path: A Manual for Students of the Force has survived. They add, "It is now passed on to you." Holy truffled...
/the-snuggie-sutra-7017.jpg "The Snuggie Sutra")
The Snuggie Sutra, Lex Friedman and Megan Morrison's how-to guide to fleecing up your sex life, brings 3 things to mind. 1) The lingering misery of winter. 2) March Madness. 3) Yam bags....
/the-legend-of-zelda-hyrule-6197.jpg "The Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Historia")
People who cannot read Japanese rejoice. Dark Horse Books and Nintendo have published an English version of The Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Historia, which is now available for pre-order. The Triforce unites and soars to the Western...
/naughty-connect-the-dots-5871.jpg "Naughty Connect the Dots (NSFW)")
Geez, even connect the dots sex looks complicated. There must be 200 numbers in each of these puzzles, and good luck trying to figure out what's lurking behind the connective ink lines before putting in the elbow grease. Unless...
/people-i-want-to-punch-in-the-2965.jpg "People I Want to Punch in the Face")
A comprehensive collection of people you want to punch in the face. This is the little black book anyone can fill. In fact, it would probably be a good idea to order a few Rude Books, 'cause you know you're gonna want to go...
/the-big-coloring-book-of-sex-3218.jpg "The Big Coloring Book of Sex Positions")
According to The Big Coloring Book of Sex Positions, "Sex curls our toes, sparks our imagination, delightfully stimulates a multitude of sensations, makes us have funny faces, makes us docile and makes us crazy." Apparently...
/The-Best-Wrong-Test-Answers-Book-2064.jpg "The Best Wrong Test Answers Book")
The lowest frequency noise a human ear can detect: a mouse. The highest: Mariah Carey. At least according to one points-for-creativity-deserving test taker included in F in Exams: The Very Best Totally Wrong Test Answers....
/the-art-of-fixing-things-7104.jpg "The Art of Fixing Things")
The Art of Fixing Things. That's some euphemistic phrasing right there. Probably coined by a woman for other women to use in manipulating husbands, boyfriends, male buddies, and random dudes at the gym who appear to be able...
/st-happens-so-get-over-it-6172.jpg "S**t Happens So Get Over It")
Shit Happens So Get Over It. Is the title not inspiration enough? I'm not sure I even need to read beyond the cover to figure out that this book would like me to suck it up. And rightly so. Times are tough. We could all use...
/pat-the-zombie-book-3095.jpg "Pat the Zombie Book")
Kiddie classic Pat the Bunny has been zombified. Pat the Zombie is a morbid adult spoof on the revered literary tome that famously commands children to touch it, scratch it, sniff it, and put it in your mouth. Only this time...
/darth-vader-and-son-6907.jpg "Darth Vader and Son")
What if Darth Vader had been a good dad? Or even had just announced his paternity to Luke sometime before he got into that imminent death predicament? Darth Vader and Son not only speculates on this topic, but does so with...
/underwater-dogs-subsurface-5450.jpg "Underwater Dogs - Subsurface Fetching Photos")
How the heckfire did Seth Casteel even come up with this idea of photographing dogs fetching balls and sticks and other lures of underwater canine submersion? Its hilarity--with one wrench of pure horror in the form of a snarling...
/back-to-the-future-7280.jpg "Back to the Future Encyclopedia")
I figured some people would question my substitution of "encyclopedia" for "lexicon" in the above Back to the Future Encyclopedia title, which represents any McFly lover's dream publication, A Matter of Time: The Unauthorized...
/guide-to-mental-disorders-you-6469.jpg "Guide to Mental Illnesses You Can Just Feel Coming On")
As one reader review points out, if you are actually suffering from a psychological disorder, The Paranoid's Pocket Guide to Mental Illnesses You Can Just Feel Coming On will not cure you. It probably won't make you feel any...
/how-to-swear-around-the-world-4676.jpg "How to Swear Around the World")
Swearing in another language. It's the only thing we really cared to learn during the mandatory years of high school French. Actually, my earliest memories of foreign curse words came much earlier, in 2nd grade, when the term...
/lego-weapons-builders-guide-3744.jpg "LEGO Weapons Builder's Guide")
LEGO Heavy Weapons, a guide to transforming the iconic building blocks into equally iconic firearms, is author Jack Streat's debut book. Just prior to its publication, he worked full-time at Algebra 2, driver's ed, and asking...
/how-to-poo-at-work-3811.jpg "How to Poo at Work")
After all the recent hype over breastfeeding, I think it's about time we returned to a matter of real public interest: poo. Specifically, dropping a deuce at the office. How to Poo at Work is the #1 guide for handling the...
/manual-of-things-that-might-3687.jpg "Manual of Things That Might Kill You")
The Complete Manual of Things That Might Kill You: A Guide to Self-Diagnosis for Hypochondriacs livens up our inevitable march towards death. I love talking about my health almost as much as other people love hearing about...
/a-book-of-beards-6154.jpg "A Book of Beards")
Author Justin James Muir deems the 86 follicular face thatches crawling through the pages of his A Book of Beards "stunning." Though I may have chosen a more manly descriptor, such as bomb, boss, or Zangief, I would have to...
/i-hate-everything-3934.jpg "I Hate Everything")
King, Emperor, Khal, Master and Commander, and Grand Poobah of haters, Matthew DiBenedetti, has immortalized his personality--defined by a comprehensive hatred of everything--in his grand oeuvre of ire, aptly titled I Hate...
/understand-rap-lyrics-in-the-3326.jpg "Understand Rap - Lyrics in the Queen's English")
According to Understand Rap: Explanations of Confusing Rap Lyrics You and Your Grandma Can Understand the lyrical musings of hip hop artists are revered for their double entendres, their clever turns of phrase, their wicked...
/the-hungoevr-cookbook-3308.jpg "The Hungoevr Cookbook")
Does The Hungoevr Cookbook spotlight a small, yet decidedly porky hog on its cover because bacon is the ultimate hangover cure, or because it would also like to point out that those of us requiring a cookbook tailored to days...
/the-high-times-cannabis-3170.jpg "The High Times Cannabis Cookbook")
High Times released its Official Cannabis Cookbook on March 21, 2012. After about 5 years of contemplating, and having deep and spiritual discussions about doing it, and then agreeing to get started first thing tomorrow, before...
/game-of-thrones-cookbook-3751.jpg "Game of Thrones Cookbook")
Replete with an endorsement and foreword by George R. R. Martin, the definitive Game of Thrones cookbook, A Feast of Ice and Fire, begins shipping on May 29, 2012. Pre-orders are currently available for recipes replicating...
/zombie-hand-bookmark-3000.jpg "Zombie Hand Bookmark")
Etsy artist Anna Sternik was sick of busting her ass slaying zombies, and then getting stuck with piles and piles of their leftover parts. She tried selling them to Chinese restaurants, and on Craig's List Germany, but still...
/the-vampire-combat-manual-5222.jpg "The Vampire Combat Manual")
It's a guide to fighting the bloodthirsty undead. As opposed to the brain-hungry undead. The Vampire Combat Manual is a necessary complement to anyone's zombie killing kit or how-to book, and adds to contemporary society's...
/aliens-colonial-marines-3845.jpg "Aliens - Colonial Marines Technical Manual")
A revised edition of the 1996 original, the Aliens: Colonial Marines Technical Manual saw its re-release on May 29, 2012, just in time for Ridley Scott's forthcoming--and, uh, entirely unrelated--Prometheus big screen debut....
/anybody-can-be-cool-but-3574.jpg "Awesome Takes Practice Devotionals")
Anybody Can Be Cool But Awesome Takes Practice is a literary jaunt along the path of Truth. See, cool people just act like they are better than everyone else. You know these people. They wear fedoras. They smoke electric cigarettes....
/The-Worlds-Most-Powerful-Laser-100.jpg?mode=crop "The World's Most Powerful Laser")
